Recovery Journal Paul

[paulmor909]

Well I'm trying this since this seems to be the #1 suggested start and use of this site for help & support.

[gnein]

Welcome, Paul.

The cravings are something that many of us here can relate to. What I suggest here is that you try to find something non P related you can do that will get you over the cravings for the time being. For some it's exercise, for some it's listening to loud music, for some it might be just going outside. Just find what works for you, and do it. It's not 100% foolproof, but it gives you a chance.

I think the reason exercise works for a lot of people is that it releases endorphins into the brain, similar chemicals to what P does, but instead you're doing something that makes you healthier and stronger. The other thing this does is give you something real to fill the gap in your life that P leaves behind, which will make it easier to deal with the cravings than doing nothing.

Good luck.

[paulmor909]

Today is a good day, it's actually been since last week since I had the slip which in essence is the beginning I guess 10/08 although I've been trying this for 10 weeks now.

[mell]

Paul,

Glad to see you starting a journal. Mine has been a huge help for me. Just over a month now and I can see my own personal growth as I read through it.

Finding the cause can be a double edged sword, IMO. Several years ago I was doing well in recovery and I just felt overwhelmed at all of my 'causes'. I withdrew from my recovery and ended up back in the P cycle again.

My P use is due to a failure to release emotions. I hold everything in, distance myself from family and friends, and think of myself as 'the victim' in the game of life. It is a terrible place to be, even without the P.

I have learned from each failed attempt (almost always the hard way). I feel good with my current state because I am doing this for me.

The withdrawal stage is hard. And once you get past that, you will still be challenged. I know I am. I think the key to success is continuing to lean on every means of support you can get. And when you are in a good place, let others lean on you. Sounds cheesy, I know, but it is working for me right now.

[Daniel]

I've read about others "triggers" or "causes" that makes them relapse. But I'm really nor sure what my cause is. Maybe I will learn?

Glad to see this effort fired up and moving along Paul! Welcome again, and I'm very happy to see you "here" in Journal form.

Here's the deal with your triggers: at some moment/hour/time of day you are going to get hit with an urge or that sensation telling you that it's time for a fix.

• Was it from a certain image on TV?
• From an innocuous magazine?
• A billboard?
• A movie?
• Thought recollections from a substantial mental vault?
• Etc., etc.

The idea being to try to pin down exactly what preceded the urge. In a simple case you easily ID it (being on the computer alone late at night e.g.), and then squelch that ability with self-imposed rules. Of course you have to DECIDE to follow-through with your rules/guard rails to successfully navigate the urge without slipping back.

Repeating this method will eventually allow you to identify the things that cause your mind to wander in that direction. And then you generate a plan to avoid those places, both physical and mental.

You are free to put that list here in your journal (you may have already -I haven't read ahead yet). Even if it's long, do it. It's good to 'get it out', very unloading to do so in fact. Just take care not to get too detailed in the descriptions!, keeping them more generic so we understand the point.

You're Healing Now!,

Daniel

[paulmor909]

Listing triggers? Good idea I will think of that and try to make a list.

[Daniel]

My wife and daughter go to bed ahead and I'm awake alone for many hours.

Listing triggers? Good idea I will think of that and try to make a list.

Good work in your post -just thinking through the issues -getting started. The journey has to start somewhere..

The bed-time arrangements sound like a good place to start. If it's an obvious problem then there must be an obvious solution.

Radical problems?

Take radical measures.

Nice work Paul, keep it up!

Daniel

[paulmor909]

Well it's one week now since I began. Not an all new beginning however because as I stated I started this 11 weeks ago.

[mell]

Paul,

I have also thought I might grow out of it. I'm 'only' forty, but ten years ago I don't think I ever imagined myself still struggling now.

Since you beat alcohol and drug addiction, you probably have a good idea what it is going to take to beat another one.

[paulmor909]

Well I have a cold/flu, never any fun.