New to group

[artist]

OK so first I lived with a raging alcoholic, and started the 12 steps of alanon, thought after I threw him out of house, it was a done deal and now I am the SO of a SA. SA is totally different from A. For one, he told me about his habit - not the extent of it - himself and started attending SAA meetings immediately. I didn't find it, etc. What I'm having a hard time doing is letting go of the other addicts (alcoholic) behavior in my life and my partner now. My A used to pretend to go to AA. When is this guy going to get sick of it. My first reaction is to get out like the last one, yet my therapist says I should wait this one out. He is not the same person.

His use of porn (10) years. Apparently it got worse after using it in his past marriage and continued it years after. He has not been able to ejaculate with me but only through MB. It has hurt our sex life tremendously. He has always been albel to "be" with me intimately but ED has also gotten in the way. As he says his brain needs to be re-wired to have normal sex.

Now we are ready to "practice" having sex tantrically, no pressure from either of us. I want to have sex, I miss it. I enjoy it. What to do. hmmm

[mell]

Artist,

Welcome to TTF.

You know what it takes to recover (both for you and your SO) from your previous SO. It is a good sign that he admitted this to you and is seeking recovery. Seems like he has a desire to be free of this.

There are a lot of SOs here who could give you a lot better advice than I can. I hope you read some of their posts and journals.

Just wanted to welcome you aboard and hoping this forum helps you and your SO.

-Mell

[boris]

Dear Artist,

Welcome. I hope that you and your SO can find support and encouragement here.

You mentioned that your SO cannot achieve climax with you, but only through MB. That is not an uncommon thing among those who are addicted to MB. The sensations produced in MB are far stronger than those with proper intimacy with a partner, and the more one engages in the practice the more likely he is to become desensitized to the subtleties of his partner. He may benefit from total abstinence from both for a period of time, to reset his brain chemistry in respects to s*xual response. Some here have had success with this.

I commend you for sticking with him, and hope that he truly appreciates just what you are doing for him.

All the best,
Boris

[JenMac]

HI Artist!
Welcome to TTF! You have found a great resource by finding this site!
I am understanding that you are an SO and if so, you should join us in the SO journal section of the forums. That is where we post our journal entries. You will find it just above the recovery journals in the Partner forums.
I attend Alanon as well! Great to see you here!
The journey we are on is a difficult one but when you are surrounded by others who have experienced the same things, it somehow makes us feel much less alone!
Keep coming back Artist! You will find great support here!
Jenn