Seeker's thoughts

[seeker]

Day 1

I'm gonna keep this real brief, almost Twitter-esque.

I turned my mind towards kicking this habit about a week ago and have made some good progress since then but haven't fully committed to it until today. I have to thank JRock and his heartfelt journal for inspiration.

I'm really here because I found a great girl that really deserves my full sexual energy. She is a 10/10 by any measure and I am fortunate to have her heart, mind and body. She deserves mine.

Have a great time TTFers!

>:D<

[seeker]

If find that if my SO isn't around and I skip MB in the morning (used to do it the same workout girl on the tube every day for years) then I'm a little more energized the rest of the day. So far so good, lots of random net surfing at the office, plenty of beautiful photos just naturally pass through the pages but nothing so distracting.

More thoughts than usual about my SO today. Also more vibrancy towards random women on the street. The rest test will come tonight...

Wish me good luck, anyone, please! =((

[dave42]

Good luck, Seeker! I hope you continue to heal. It's great to see you start a journal.

My best,

Dave

[seeker]

Thanks for your kind words Dave!

Progress is notable. Distractions abound but my resilience is pretty strong. I have definitely spent a little time viewing P (tv and internet) but not to the point where it got out of hand. Something inside stops me from taking it that far.

Even a couple days away and my sexual energy seems to be returning. The combo of too much P and MB makes you a little numb.

I'm the sort of balanced (ironic) person that let's most setbacks bounce off me and move forward with confidence. This set back has been minor and my progress has been notable. I daily take a moment to appreciate my amazing life- strong health, amazing family, wealth, excitement, opportunity, a SO that is a very solid and deeply genuine personff with a bikini model body and a face like an angel.

Thanks TTF! See you guys tomorrow!

[seeker]

No P today for me! Not an onze of the stuff. I did decide (consciously) that it was appropriate for me to MB this morning though. I believe that moderate MB is healthy and good for your body. My physician friend even indicated that is it vital to avoiding prostrate problems later in life. I am in my 30's. Still, I did it without my usual dose of P which I am proud of. It's that time of the month for my SO otherwise I would have gladly done it with her!

Interesting for me to note all the non-traditional p areas of my life that can become unhealthy for me. Traditional TV shows is a great example. I tend to quickly grasp onto the sexual fantasties with the lead women characters in most shows. I quickly sexualize them in my mind and often MB to them. While not traditinal p, this does take the place of real phyiscal contact too oftne for me. Something for me to contiously work on!

Well, no P tonight for sure! The SO and I have fun plans! Hope everyone is doing great!
:D

[seeker]

I made it through Day 4 without incident but today I relapsed briefly while alone in front of my computer screen. I didn't take it too far but far enough to recognize the mistake, the harm and hopefully the root cause.

I felt sexually aroused from a strong workout as well as the site of many attractive women in my area. My SO was not available for 'acitivity' so I acted on my impulse instead of waiting. Not a mature nor adult response, I'm beginning to understand. I have had some sexual performance issues in the past, thought not recently, and ED drugs have perfomed a minor miracle for me. Beneath the service of my consciousness I know that a major part of my performance issues relate to P. Anyone else find the correlation?

2 steps forward, 1/2 step back!

Hope everyone is enjoying this great spring weekend.

Finally I could use a shot of moral support from the crowd if anyone is listening out there.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Seeker-

I like your new attitude here better now than a few weeks ago when you first came on here. I wasn't sure then why you were really here, but reading your journal makes me think you really are in it to win it.

I am glad you stopped today before you went too far. I am not sure exactly what too far means for you since your other journal entries say you looked at P and MB, but didn't take it too far.

You said you had ED problems before and think P has a role to play in that. I agree. My husband hasn't had any ED problems since he has given up P. I am not a doctor, but to me, the evidence speaks for itself.

I wish you well in your journey. You can do it if you are committed.

[seeker]

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Seeker-

I like your new attitude here better now than a few weeks ago when you first came on here. I wasn't sure then why you were really here, but reading your journal makes me think you really are in it to win it.

I am glad you stopped today before you went too far. I am not sure exactly what too far means for you since your other journal entries say you looked at P and MB, but didn't take it too far.

You said you had ED problems before and think P has a role to play in that. I agree. My husband hasn't had any ED problems since he has given up P. I am not a doctor, but to me, the evidence speaks for itself.

I wish you well in your journey. You can do it if you are committed.

WifeofNewLifeMan,

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment on my journal. Your words are kind and supportive and feel your concern through them. You are correct that real progress requires commitment and that's why I'm returned to this forum.

Too far means 'completion' but I also realize that even if I don't complete the act the longer I engage in MB and P the more my sexual energy becomes drained.

i was intimate with my SO this morning and so this day starts off on a really bright note. Let's see if I can make it through the rest of the day without losing control. I know I can do it.

Happy Mother's Day!

[seeker]

Unbelievable that almost a week has come and gone.

No P, MB or even anything passing as sexual for me today. Just a busy day at work followed by what I hope is an enjoyable and relaxing evening. Isn't that as it should be for us all?

Good luck TTFers!

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Seeker-

Congrats on a week. I hope 2010 will your year.

I am curious as to what your SO thinks of your P use. I know you urge everyone not to be truthful with their partner on this. Is that the road you are taking with her?

I think its good that you have started to see the impact of your P/MB habits. Here's to an enjoyable and relaxing evening.