Old Habits Die Hard - Dominus's journal

[Dominus]

I don't have a journal of my own and I feel left out , seriously though, its been 76 days now since I looked at porn and I am pleased with my progress. But I am finding it difficult still. As time passes I notice an increased tendency to become complacent, I am not so quick to look away from triggering images as I was earlier in my campaign, not on the computer I hasten to add! but films and television which so often these days feature nudity. I love the freedom of speech and the self respect that a porn free life has given me, but I still worry very much that I may slip up, and I really do not want that to happen. I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT LIFE AGAIN!!! But why o why do I keep inclining toward it? It is like the apostle Paul wrote -
"when I wish to do what is right, what is bad is present with me".

Its a struggle, I'm ok most days, but occasionally its tough going.

[verminty]

Hey Dominus-

I hear you loud and clear. I have been trying to avoid porn but just surfing the web these days you are confronted with "s3xy" images at every turn. Eg. was reading an article on NYtimes and one of the ads running on the side was rather racy and started stirring things up in my head - luckily I was distracted and left before anything occured.

Films and TV while filled with suggestive or straight on p0rn-esque content are a test but I find for me they are less of a problem. Online you are just a few clicks away from indulging your baser desires. But while watching a movie or TV it does take a bit more work to fulfill those feelings.

Keep up the fight and remember you are stronger than your desires.

best
VT

[pythagoras]

Congrats Dominus on your recovery!

I can definitely understand where you are coming from on this. One of the things I do is I remind myself that temptation does not = a relapse. Also When faced with the dilemma you described -I pull myself up and take a look at my progress.

For instance. Sometimes i catch myself looking at scantily clad women for brief moments in time on the internet. In order to deal with this I quickly recoil from these images when they are in my face knowing that for me it is the start of a slippery slope if i begin to ogle. I then remind myself of the hours and hours of time i used to waste slurping up P vids and images and that I no longer do that and i have not for -i think its 83 days MB and mostly P free today? Anyhow, when I look at it this way I feel tremendous gratitude for being free of P and that my recovery has to include a strategy for dealing with temptation.

Another way to look at this for me is that I am a recovering alcoholic and I have not had a drink for over 4 and a half years. My business involves me going to bars to work. I see the booze smell it, etc... and because I have developed strategies for dealing with the internal causes of why I drank- the thought of drinking booze is repugnant for me. Even when it is in my face.

That's not to say that occasionally I would not like to have a drink but in the cases that I do. I mentally follow through on what the consequences of the action of drinking would be and then implement one or more of the tools I have accumulated in my recovery from that addiction. I have applied this method to my recovery from P and MB as well.

[Fraco]

Dominus, remember St. Paul also said, "I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

Christ has assured us that his grace is sufficient to our need. Sometimes it really doesn't feel like that is the case, but we must believe it's true. His strength is there to support us and his love is not dependent on our success, but only on our effort.

[Inshi]

Dominus first of all thank you for all your support to FM & myself.You and alot of others on this site have helped us a great deal.Starting you own journal is a great idea, it seems to help FM, everytime he gets in a mood or something triggers, he logs on and stratd typing away in his journal which seems to calm him down and help him.
Iam not a PA but as the wife of a recovering one.I know exactly what u mean by ' As time passes I notice an increased tendency to become complacent'
At the begining of his journey FM used to walk away from the tv as soon as anything remotely provocative came on tv, but now he is getting abit more comfortable he doesnt find the need to do that.And Iam not saying he has to do that, if he, within himself can control what he feels everytime he sees a scantily clad woman or nudity and doesnt find the need to look her up on the net or keep thinking about it, I think thats normal behaviour.
Everytime u look at some a magazine, newspaper, advert anything for that matter, every single image is to do with something 'sexy'. I love my music, but I tend not to watch any music channels cos most music videos are of halk naked women parading around, it doesnt do anything for me but Iam scared to watch them incase it triggers something in FMs mind.

You have been doing great so far and its very hard to get away from nudity esp. in the western world.You are doing the right thing and dont give into any form of temptation, its not worth it.
Be strong and victory will be on ur side! Good luck and thank you once again.

[Dominus]

Thanks Verminty, Pythagoras, Fraco and Inshi , your words of encouragement mean a very great deal. I was a bit melancholy yesterday but I feel much happier now, its not very easy this business of being alive!

I liked your Quote Fraco, it made me think a lot, whilst I havent gone to Pauls 'taking pleasure' in difficulties as of yet, it is true that when we are at our weakest point, the breaking strain of our resolve is truly tested. I feel good that my breaking point exceeds the required operating tolerances, certainly it is the first time it has!

Inshi, your husband is a very lucky man to have your support, I think that is such a great asset to have in combating this, when you support him you also encourage other wifes to do the same by your self sacrificing attitude - for this I thank you.

Keep up the good work guys - and gals, we can and will do this thing!

[FairyG]

Hi Dominus,
76 days, wow! That's great
It must be so hard to fight against the desire for P, especially when we are so bombarded with sexual images wherever we look in today's materialistic society, and I congratulate you (and everyone else on this site!) on your sterling efforts.
I may not be breaking a P habit right now, but I'm breaking a "feeling paranoid and betrayed" habit, which in some ways I suspect is almost as insidious with me. So I feel I have in some small measure a partial understanding on the focus of mind required to stay "on the path".
Your humour and words of advice and encouragement to others have been inspiring reading, so keep up the good work

[Light]

Nice work Dominus! I love reading your posts and you have given me much strength and food for thought in the last couple of months. Stay strong and true to yourself and your family...and all of us here.

Here's to your next 76 days

[FoolishMind]

Dominus, I will join the queue here wishing you best in strength. Your posts are extremely helpful with good sound personal advice. I truly look up to you and your achievements. I do not think you realise how much impact you have on so many members here.

Thank You.

FM

[Dominus]

Thank you FairyG, Light and Foolishmind so much for your kind and encouraging words, I am not proud of the years I wasted looking at porn but if that experience helps me to better understand and help others then that is at least something. I love this site, nobody ever criticises! or at least not in a negative way, wouldnt it be something if we could always be like that in our lives.