Flight to the Stars/Skies - StarPuppy Journal/Diary

[StarPuppy]

3 days clean..wow..seems like a long time

anyway..i just completed a game, COD 6: Modern Warfare 2
To those who played the game, i must say that i am surprised by the ending.
Hope there is a COD:MW3, can't wait for it to come out tho

anyway, back to my journal, had alot of urges but i didn't fall to them..maybe because due to games i guess..well, thats better than P, at least games challenge your mind and some games allow online playing = socializing

anyway thats for today >:D<

[castaway16]

Hi StarPuppy,
Good job on 3 days. And on COD too. ;)
It's nice to see you in such a good mood, really ! :)
Keep it up SP.

castaway

[StarPuppy]

1st march..2 days clean..heres to a brand new start >:D<

[StarPuppy]

4 march(0600) - 3 days clean

Felt some urges today but i am not gonna relapse now..not what after i promised my girl..fight on! o:-)

[StarPuppy]

Just had a tiff with my girl..feel like relapsing but will not because i been survivng for 5 days now..shall not give up after i come so far :)

[dave42]

That's the spirit, and so, so smart of you to realize that you are especially vulnerable after the tiff. Okay, so this is a good reminder to all of us you have provided. Thanks! It reminds me of the HALT saying from the 12 step tradition:

As yourself if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. If you are, then you are much more likely to get in trouble. So, thanks, StarPuppy, for setting a great example.

[StarPuppy]

I quarreled with my girl on Saturday and Sunday. Its hard to describe why i am feeling like this and why i am behaving like this.

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Saturday- all was ok when i picked her up from work in the afternoon until evening (5.30pm) when i was out of ideas on where to go and thought maybe lets head back home(i always send her home)

but she wasn't too happy and said that she didn't want to go out early. me being the case to send her home, stayed with her but i was quite very tired because i woke up really early in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep.

So i was quite tired and she was quite tired with me saying that she could take care of herself and me being there would only restrict her freedom to wander as she wished and started to ask those trouble questions(e.g: are we suited for each other etc)

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Sunday- she came over my house to play poker with my parents, so it was only my father, her and me and she had bad luck on that day and she lost alot of chips and (i admit i was wrong) we laughed at her in good fun but me knowing that she got upset easily, i squeezed her hand and smiled at her and mouthed at her "i didn't mean it" and i also tried hugging her during toilet breaks when my father was not in the room but she was very upset still and i tried to coax her when i was sending her home but she was quarreling with me non stop when i was sending her home

(i mean its just a game, if u were the one winning, i wouldn't be upset...why take it seriously)

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Monday she admitted that she was being too petty and tried to seek forgiveness but showering concern and care etc but I dunno i am tired of it..

I dunno i feel that i should live a spy life(you know james bond) . No emotional attachments to people, The more i trust in people, the more i expect from them and they dissapoint me (e.g: asking a good friend to go to lunch together and he forget and went off to each with another friend)

I feel that its tiring..treat everybody like norm friends, Expect nothing, give nothing..Trust them nothing. Everything done be own effot since people are just gonna say "whoops..sorry i forgot"

I am tired, I really am tired, i don't want to relapse because Relapsing wouldn't do me any good, just some temporary high but life still sucks

[Little lock]

Heya Star. Stay strong eh? Yeah, life really does suck at times, and people can be real jackasses. Plenty of times they jack you off and leave you feeling disappointed and whatnot. And then you feel like you don't want to trust them.

But hey, relapsing won't make any thing easier, would it? You're still clean, still doing well on that front. Fight it man. At least if that's the only thing you can be proud of, well, its a heck of a thing to be proud of! Being abstinent and defeating your addiction is no small matter.

All the best :)

[StarPuppy]

Thanks LL and sorry for uber late reply..anyways folks, one week clean and urm..i been reading GMH and LGMH stories..you know the FML website..well..this website are for optimists and i been using this to cheer me up.

Anyway i bought some books from the bookshop recently.
Books from Mitch Albom..actually all of his..like Five People you meet in Heaven and etc..all 4 sets of books

Haven got to reading them yet..anyway thats all for today..i will share more tomorrow if i can find whats wrong with Firefox on my keyboard because i am unable to type properly...grr

[StarPuppy]

3 days clean...

I am sick of having the urges but MB is starting to disgust me..its the feeding of the urge that is hard to get rid.. but i hate being tired and stuff..even the "high" doesn't satisfy me now..just makes me feel sick