Flight to the Stars/Skies - StarPuppy Journal/Diary

[iwilldothis]

So you relapse, its not ideal, but it is not the end of the world. Every day you stayed sober, and every time you resisted the urges, you were rewiring your brain ... this is not going undo all the hard work (ofcourse only if you rebound quickly, and push through your edge/limit) - I am sure you will notice a huge difference this time around than after your previous relapse.

[StarPuppy]

Thanks castaway and iwilldothis, much appreciated. Sometimes i wonder if i will ever get back the right path to intimacy? I feel that physical and verbal intimacy is very important, one should not care about others when in the presence of others such as kissing and hugging(not S or Sxual intimacy of course!).

I feel that i thrive in such intimacy during a relationship, Could anyone give me some advice if its me being too immature ot i am too hyped Sxed up. My SO is annoyed and does not understand why i could not grow up and act my age

Thanks to allo:-)

[Life-lies-trust]

SP,
Maybe you are acting your age and she does not have realistic understanding of you and your goals. Ask her what she means by that statement of grow up and act your age. Keep working hard on yourself and your goals.

[StarPuppy]

Thanks for replying LLT, in response to your reply, she does not like me to cudle hug with her at her house for she does not like her parents/siblings to see or at movies for she says that we should watch the movie instead of doing such things and she does not like me to hug her from the back because it would seem that we are doing some obsence things but for me i don't really care, its her own private world and in truth we are not doing anything Sxually intimate, its up to people to think what they would like to percive it to be, we can't stop them

[iwilldothis]

Not quite sure what you mean by that ... what type of intimacy are you talking about? (How old are you btw?)

[StarPuppy]

Thanks for replying iwilldothis,
I am 22 and my SO is 25

[iwilldothis]

I don't see anything wrong with that. Everyone is different, and some people are more and some are less comfortable with PDA than others. I have experienced a relatively broad spectrum, and more interestingly, with the exception of a few, all of them seem to think that their standard and their understanding of what is normal or right is the correct one.

I don't think you should stop doing what you feel is right, but you should also respect the fact that she does not feel comfortable being affectionate in her parent’s house.

Please also let me know if I am out of place, but how long have you been with your GF, is it adding to your life or is taking away from it. The reason I ask (and I could be very wrong) is that by having a quick look at a couple pages of your thread, it seems like you the relation is causing you some grief.

Of course without being in your shoes and experiencing what you experience on a day to day basis - I could never know what your relationship is like (and few relationships are without their ups and downs) and whether it is a problem at all. I mean relationships do need work, but the positives do AT LEAST have to be more than the negatives.

I know that ending a relationship that is not working takes a lot of courage – you have to not be afraid of being alone, and you have to face the fact that you could hurt them. Sometimes though, it is the thing which has to be done. If the relationship is not right, you will not experience anything better unless you end it and move on. Being alone (single) is so much better than being in a bad relationship anyway – you will have more time to work on yourself and better yourself – and the next person you meet, you will be able to recognize the traits that are not for you , far more quickly.

You are so very young, and you are probably not going to know what is right for you until you have a number of relationships. I am only a few years older than you, and I still feel somewhat confused and often wish that I had some clarifying experiences earlier in life – you are having some clarifying experiences right now.

[StarPuppy]

Thanks for the advice iwilldothis, much appreciatedo:-)

@iwilldothis: I understand your point but what is Love? Is it the ability to compromise each other weakness but to modify it as a strength, to care and comfort each other when one is low OR is it to seek one own self pleasure but back away when there is a emotional breakdown? I am really confused and lost, I am optimistic/ good tempered but childish guy by nature but i am in a relationship who is a girl who is mature but pessimistic/hot tempered by nature. I really feel unhappy in the relationship at times but she

1) cares for me for my well-being
2) is loyal to me

I thank God for what i have and try not to complain but I dunno what to do, am i being whiny again?

I am 2days clean of P/MB, i went to church on Sat, I felt ashamed to be even there but i realized that God will help those who will help themselves, I will try my best not to relapse and identify key areas that are the reason of relapsing.

I felt good running on Sunday morning while listening to worship songs, sometimes i really forget what are the simple things in life and fail to take a step back

I am going lockdown soon, will post more tomorrow

[StarPuppy]

wow, not being online for 4 days since wednesday night and much has changed, lots of new members..Welcome to TTF! :)

was on away on a last min event till late and when i came back, it was too late to post and PC went to lock down mode. I was on duty friday night, SO came to stay at my house for the weekend and sigh, those urges to MB hit big time, i was like a puppy begging to have my MB craving satisfied. Quite pathetic if you asked me. I hate myself for having this urges and unable to have a normal r/s where i am not under urges to MB under intimacy even its just a normal non-Sxual intimacy.

SO has been more erm..closer towards me, she had fever for the whole week and was a little lovesick and clung on to me the whole night while sleeping.

I hate having those MB urges, it is all so one-sided

anyway 1 week P free

[StarPuppy]

I slipped and fell on my thigh today when i was rushing off to another place and now my thigh is hurting like hell and is slowly losing feeling aka numb..well, i have to thank god that i didn't injure my arm too badly

:((