Flight to the Stars/Skies - StarPuppy Journal/Diary

[StarPuppy]

Thanks Ford, altho i agree that this does not last and good things will be back but i am burning out..i am starting to be sick of work..I need a break, i want to stop meeting to people expectation..especially bosses but i can't..one of my friend is down with chickenpox for 3 weeks and hes been only gone for a week and i am starting to burn out..we have to do more to cover him and its the busy period..i dun blame him for falling sick but i am starting to get real depressive :((

[StarPuppy]

almost relapsed while taking k9 down for a moment just to reformat the pc..went to a tame website which i knew could lead me into P, felt guilty for hurting everyone at TTF and God, i backed out but i still feel guilty now

not too sure to record this as a relapse or a clean day :((

[Crisodian]

I'd call it skating close to the edge. If you are feeling like you did something you shouldn't have done, chances are it's a relapse but only you can decide.

Back on the path! That's what is important.

Peace,
~C~

[StarPuppy]

I shall not report this as a relapse BUT as a learning process, i hope everyone can give me support *bows* o:-)

[castaway16]

I wouldn't count it as a relapse. You didn't give in and that's what counts. However, this is really dangerous territory ! Try to be more careful than this in the future.

That said, here's my support : *claps and bows* :D you deserve it.

[glovert]

skating or relapse, it's a learning curve to learn from. as long as you take something from the expereince which will help you develop a stronger resistence for the next time a similar occassion comes it should be all good :)

[StarPuppy]

Thanks glovert and castaway and all who read my journal..just a quick post, i am really tired tonight

Been working non stop lately 8-5..felt that i rightfully earned my miserly pay but still i wish i could take a good break.Refrsh my mind/body/soul. weekends aren't doing enough

I don't even have time to take a break and enjoy a cup of tea while at work now

[StarPuppy]

I had a wet dream last night..or at least i had. I was awoke to my shorts and briefs/underwear being soaked and i was shocked because i didn't dream of anything arousing. nevertheless i went back to sleep and had a quick proper bath before going to work

Anyways I am working every day (including Sat/sundays) until end of Aug unless my superior gives the work back to my friend who was on medical leave but came back today..Everyone is being streched thin of being short-staffed but i am the one who has to work for both weekends

I am so stressed out, I can have time to relax in office any more..I can't plan to go ut with my SO on dates on weekends and just for $400+ bucks a month..why am i working so hard for, at times i ask myself ami whining too much because i can't take hardship or is it i am starting to break down?

I don't mind working on Saturday or Sunday but i would like to have a day off at least. I don't mind doing my job well.

My SO isn't having all that better either, Shes going through some change and shes having a new superior and i heard hes quite miser when it comes to cutting costs. A person have to do 2-3 person worth of work. She can't meet me as often due to my work thus she is more likely to be short-tempered lately

but still I cannot accept it when she flares up at me..its like "hey..you aren't the only person going through a rough time but you don't see me flaring up" but i just can't get angry with her..only hurt :(

[iwilldothis]

Yeah, it tough when one gets stressed out, and not just for the P addiction. I dont know what you do with your spare time, but I find that in such times it really helps to have one thing that you like doing and which is important to you (well if you find the time to do it anyway).

GL, and keep strong, nothing good comes out of P... it gives a you a temporary buzz, just a rush of chemicals, only to leave you feeling more empty afterwards. But I am sure you know that already.

[StarPuppy]

Thanks IWDT, it is indeed not worth the effort to MB to P which only gives a temporary boost but practically is useless in the longrun :)


Anyways the work that i been doing is 90% done and it feels that a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, i feel relaxed but yet gearing to go and do more work to keep me busy.

I would like to share a issue i met during my course of work and i would like opinions on it. There is a new guy at work and hes quite erm..feminine. Personally i have guy friends who are towards being feminine and i am good friends with them. The problem is that he was tasked to work under me and he starts giving excuses.

Firstly he says he has work to do and wants to push to another new guy at work and says hes lazy and i should hand him more. I told him that he should prioritize his work and not saying that people is being lazy and you are not. I told him that being slow is lazy but its totally wrong to say that other people do not do their work.

Secondly he goes on Medical Leave and he comes back asking why i did my work so fast (like..duh! because you were on leave) and tries complimenting me( for being such a hardworking and effiicent worker and how he could be like me) instead of doing his own share of work when i am doing my own share of work and later goes off surfing facebook

Lastly, When i told him to count the results of the work on which came on positive/negative and neutral and give me the NUMBERS. he drew a bar chart for me and said it was efficent to show the results to the boss (when the boss had already asked for some update when he was away on Medical Leave and he was ok with my explanation) and here he comes with his own version. When i told him that it wasn't nesscary. he ignored me and creating his own Bar chart and said it was more colorful and FUN.

I felt like giving him a big scolding but i didn't had the heart to do it because frankly speaking who am i to judge that i am in a better position to scold him as we are all serving our liablites in the army but yet part of me felt like telling him off for not listening to simple instructions. any views?

p.s: I feel guilty for feeling this way and hope that the Lord guide me for being more tolerant and kind"