Flight to the Stars/Skies - StarPuppy Journal/Diary

[StarPuppy]

Thanks for the vote of confidence glovert..much appreciated :). its hard for meet to meet people because i dislike to wander out of my comfort zone like most people do..will try but i wonder if there is any advice to stop this self-pity and loneliness feeling?

Would like to say that i am 1 month and 2 weeks free from P/MB. I went jogging this morning..I never really had the chance to work out but i am proud to say that I managed to complete a route of 12km.

I am preparing for a Half-Marathon (21 km) in August. Hopefully someone here can give me some tips on how to prepare myself :)

[Desert Ghost]

Well SP you are on your way to being the top poster for the month, keep posting. An as for advice about running, let me say as a track coach. Carb up - in other words the day before the race eat a lot of carbohydrates (aka pasta, or any starchy foods) and the morning of the race also eat a lot of carbohydrates because this is the type of food that powers the body. An make-sure that you are hydrating yourself, which means doubling your water intake several days before the race. An congratulation on your length of sobriety.

[65Ford]

Good job S-P. As for the running, something I heard a long time ago was something to the effect of "Always run toward a goal and your future. Never run from your problems or your past." Good luck!

[StarPuppy]

Well SP you are on your way to being the top poster for the month, keep posting. An as for advice about running, let me say as a track coach. Carb up - in other words the day before the race eat a lot of carbohydrates (aka pasta, or any starchy foods) and the morning of the race also eat a lot of carbohydrates because this is the type of food that powers the body. An make-sure that you are hydrating yourself, which means doubling your water intake several days before the race. An congratulation on your length of sobriety.

Thanks Ford and DG, i will do a speed post now, its close to my downtime..hope to type this out real fast.

Firstly DG, what diet should a runner have? more carbo or meat?

Its about 1 month before my marathon and i would like to prepare even for my meals

I am still having problems trying not to be emotional, in fact i feel even worse, like i am there but no one cares about my exsistance..how would you feel if you asked your friends out for lunch but they forget you when you are busy..quite hurtful.

further more when i am the one locking up the office when my colleagues have friends waiting for them to lock up the office to drive them out to camp.

Work is little worse now because its the peak period and we are seriously understaffed at the point of time and one of my colleague is down with chickenpox and is on medical leave for 2 weeks..I have to carry part of the load..i don't blame him but i feel that

1) even working so hard, people don't really care..just a few people but majority will say it is my job and working hard should be what i should be doing..no sympathy of "let me help you with your load"

2) spending less time with my girl, i am sure she understands but i hope to have more chances to be intimate with her..i am trying very hard to rekindle the romance but its quite hard on me :(

oh well..other than that..i am fit and well, should be thankful for that but as a human...one is never contented with simple things :(

[castaway16]

Hi SP.

First of all, congrats on the progress. Quite a nice one since I was last here !

Second, I guess it's normal to find only few people that really care enough to tell you "let me help you with this". Also, people not offering to help doesn't mean that they're essentially bad, I'm sure they'd have other good qualities. Please don't let that affect your emotional state, since, and you'd know that better for sure, emotional state is one big actor in a PA's recovery program.

I'm sorry to know about you not having enough time for your girlfriend, but I think she'd definitely understand that it's just a temp thing. And actually being very busy is quite a blessing for a recovering PA, right ? ;)

Wish I could give you advice on the marathon but I've never been to one. :)

[StarPuppy]

Thanks for visiting my journal castaway..much appreciated :)

Anyways I try to think the best of people but I am so hurt and dissapointed when my actions are not reciprocated, I know i shouldn't expect anything from them while hekping them but sometimes to see a fellow colleague being bogged down by work..its makes me feel bad for the poor guy and want to help him even tho he doesn't help me when i am busy

I am what you might say i am too nice of a person :( I hate being so emotional at times..i feel like a wussy mummy boy

Yes, she understands but still one might be disapointed when there is little time to be together

Anyway i am pretty tired tonight..is on medication for over straining my muscles and took a couple of pills earlier on

Good night all :)

[castaway16]

You're quite welcome SP. :)

Sympathizing with others is not being a wuss, at all . Also, I didn't mean that one not offering his help is not bad, it's not a good thing in my opinion, but also it doesn't make that person fundamentally bad/good. Example, you might see someone working and say "man, what a huge load of work.." and offer to help, meanwhile another colleague might be thinking the total opposite, he/she might not see that that amount of work is big enough to need help. That's just one example.

Good luck with your work .. and hope the load lightens off a little ! :)

[StarPuppy]

Thank you castaway, your words means so much to me.

I just wish the world was a little kinder and more caring..i almost relapsed last weekend but i am still clean...i hate being depressive ~X(

[StarPuppy]

I am tired, burnout from work maybe? I just want to curl up and cry, I need a hug and someone to cradle me like a baby and assure me that people around me DO love me.

Its not helping much when my SO does not understand that this is my vulnerable moment and i just want to be in someone arms and cry, i do not know why i am like that but i just need the support. But my SO always says that she knows i will take care of myself but its that moment when a man crumbles and cries and just wants someone to comfort, i just want that assurance and comfort

I dunno why i am like that but i really just want to be comforted :((

[65Ford]

Hang in there, S-P!

Somehow, your story reminds me of a story I heard once.

It seems there was a king who set a big reward for anyone who could tell him something that could be proven true, without debate and without doubt.

The greatest philosophers and scientists in the land came forth with all kinds of theories and ideas about the nature of the world, religion, politics, you name it. But for every statement made, there was always someone to disprove it, or to point out an exception. One scientist would say it's light out during the day, and dark at night. Another would point out during an eclipse this is not always so. And so it went, on and on. No one could make the trueset of the true statement.

Until one day, the court jester stepped forward. Everyone laughed. Surely this jokester could not have anything to add! No one ever took him seriously. But in one line, he stated the most obvious, most true statement anyone could imagine:

"This, too, shall pass."

Heed his words!