Flight to the Stars/Skies - StarPuppy Journal/Diary

[QueenofHearts]

Excellent job SP on your time clean!

You are doing great, and your attitude is so positive it's infectious (in a good way).

I think it's admirable that you still want to quit P despite your gf saying it's ok for you to use P and MB. That just shows your morals are sound, and that you know deep down that P is not a healthy or real way to perceive sex.

Keep up the fantastic work! =D>

[Desert Ghost]

Hello WONLM, Thanks for visiting my journal

well, shes loyal, caring and stood by me(she said its ok fro guys to watch P and MB) despite my PA.

Those are some nice qualities that you have listed about your girlfriend, but can you be more specific of what is it that you like about your girlfriend. I know that you said that she loyal and caring, as WONLM had asked. But, you also listed things that she had done for you such as stood by you, told you that "P" and "MB" were okay. Before you post your answer be honest with yourself first.

[StarPuppy]

I am here to report 1 month or 1 month + 1week,I would like to say 1 month free..i lost track of when i stopped watching P or MB :)

The lewd S thoughts are coming back slowly but i don't want to fall back into the evil pit of P again.

My girl is ok again, we are talking as per normal, she has become more gentle and understanding but will it hold? we shall see

Anyway, yesterday when we were on a bus when it started raining and i felt cold and started to cuddle close to her and i felt bad because she was always protecting me and she was a little annoyed that she felt it was her duty to do so as she was older than me(by 3-4 years) and that i ams small size and skinny and thus easily to be bullied, she said that she didn't feel any sense of security being with me because it wouldn't protect her from harm but she didn't understand why she still loved me.

I felt devastated, I know i was weak but i felt like a loser when she said that, i didn't know i meant so weak to her and i also didn't understand that why would she still love me if i didn't provide any security.

I was talking to her earlier on and we were fine, talking about work and stuff and she was quite the norm. Wonder whats going on

[Desert Ghost]

In the back of her mind she may be viewing your relationship in a motherly way. Like a mother who loves a child but knows that the child can not protect her from harm. It's just a thought.

[StarPuppy]

She has always love kids and would love to have kids on her own but she told me before shes only willing to have my kids...she loves me + future kids or she ust loves the children more in the future?

[iwilldothis]

This may be the lamest "advice" anyone has given anyone on this forum, but I was just wondering whether you do any exercise or have ever done martial arts. The reason I am asking is because you said that sometimes you feel week. I personally have not ever done any martial arts, but I have some friends whom have really been affected by practicing it in good way. It really has built their strength internally and externally.

Just a thought.

Thanks for your support on my journal btw.

[StarPuppy]

This may be the lamest "advice" anyone has given anyone on this forum, but I was just wondering whether you do any exercise or have ever done martial arts. The reason I am asking is because you said that sometimes you feel week. I personally have not ever done any martial arts, but I have some friends whom have really been affected by practicing it in good way. It really has built their strength internally and externally.

Just a thought.

Thanks for your support on my journal btw.

no worries, no advice is ever lame :) Martial arts is indeed a way to build power from the body internally, We Chinese call it "qi" or the inner power of the body

I am just afraid of breaking bones and lying on the bed for ages :D

[StarPuppy]

(I should really post my journal first before posting others..this is for yesterday)



Hmm..what to post...I am a little tired, i will post this and go to sleep before i decide that games is for me and i make myself really tired

I just finished my guard duty (5pm- 8am) this morning(i am serving my mandatory service in army for those who do not know) and continued to stay in office the whole day

This few days have been quite good to me, my superior reported sick and was on sick leave for 2 days and i was tasked to oversee one of her projects during her absence. I was supposed to have help from her when she came back yesterday but the way i see it, shes throwing all her work to me, normally i would say that she is skiving but now i would like to see it as a experience being gained and lessons being learned if i do it well or screw it up. At least I have that confidence of being useful and at least somebody needs me instead of feeling useless all the time..takes time to grow but i am sure i can do it if more time and chances are given to me.

Secondly, my girl and I just had our 39 months( 3 years and 3 months) anniversary on Saturday with another good friend of mine who bought his girl along which happens to be a good friend too..we went on double dates for a couple of times. We had lots of fun and i felt happy being with her. I love my girl for being there for me even tho i am a PA. But my love in her is not strong, every time we enter a arguement, i feel that shes not good enough for me but yet if you ask me now..why do i love her? I can tell you that although she is uncouth, hot-tempered and is very impatient, she loves me for who i am, doesn't mind me being silly, is very gently and sweet if she wants to. but yet i do not understand why i still have this kind of issues.

Its been 2 months since I MB and watched P and about 3 months since we been Sxually intimate. My urges nowadays are wanting for us being Sxualy intimate without P

[StarPuppy]

Gonna post quickly and go to sleep

Not in a good mood today and tonight, feel weak and useless and lonely too

I envy those who have friends who ask each out for lunch, like a fellow friend stop by and say "hey, everyone waiting, lets grab lunch =)"

or maybe "everybody is watching a movie tonight, the guys invited you too"

I been always the outcast and odd one out..is it wrong that i am quiet and don't really know much?

I bet if i go MIA, nobodyeven know that i am missing :(

[glovert]

Gonna post quickly and go to sleep

Not in a good mood today and tonight, feel weak and useless and lonely too

I envy those who have friends who ask each out for lunch, like a fellow friend stop by and say "hey, everyone waiting, lets grab lunch =)"

or maybe "everybody is watching a movie tonight, the guys invited you too"

I been always the outcast and odd one out..is it wrong that i am quiet and don't really know much?

I bet if i go MIA, nobodyeven know that i am missing :(

I know exactly what your feeling as I've felt in that exact same position (it's actuallt one of the "social" conditions behind my PA), but the best you could do is proactively try to meet people who share something in common with you and just be honest about life. Long ago I realised the friends I kept close were "false" as I never really "knew" any of them. Now I have 2-3 that I can rely on and talk to pretty much anything about. Your not an outcast Starpuppy, your exceptional!