Flight to the Stars/Skies - StarPuppy Journal/Diary

[QueenofHearts]

I think that could be difficult if there are religious differences involved.

Every relationship should have some essence of compromise and acceptance. If she doesn't believe in God, or feels that religion is not for her, that's her right and opinion, but at the same time she should respect you for having your own opinion as well.

You're right, people should be able to communicate calmly and rationally. I am totally a rational person (I think), and I know that since KOH and I have been together....we've never had a full fledged argument. I try to be calm, and he is a calm person. Yelling and getting spiteful or letting anger control the situation does nobody any favors and mostly causes resentment and words that will be regretted later. What I used to do with people who yelled and screamed at me, and couldn't control their anger..I would disengage from the situation and let them know that I wouldn't have a conversation with them until they could control themselves and their temper. I just won't tolerate verbal or emotional abuse...or intimidation.

As time goes by you'll come to know whether being in that relationship is a good idea or a bad one. Though I know you'd like for it to work...you are still young and don't get mad at me but at your age I wouldn't worry about settling down with someone just yet. Everything always changes in life, people, situations, relationships etc. Just go with the flow and always make your happiness a priority. :)

[Alika]

I think that could be difficult if there are religious differences involved.

Every relationship should have some essence of compromise and acceptance. If she doesn't believe in God, or feels that religion is not for her, that's her right and opinion, but at the same time she should respect you for having your own opinion as well.

Speaking from own experience, religious differences don't necessarily have to play an important role. OE is Christian, I am (somewhat) agnostic. We have had quite interesting conversations on the topics of faith, beliefs, religions. I went to church with OE and felt like a hypocrite, yet, it doesn't pose any problem at all accepting and respecting that OE believes in God and turns to spiritual guidance as part of his recovery process. We have also had rather amuzing conversations where I question him about what it gives him, and he refers to his conversations with God. When he states that, I can't help but smile (and suppress a laugh and bite my tongue) but OE knows and is fine with (to my knowledge) that we really see religion very differently. I try to relate his beliefs to something non-religious, he probably tries to do the opposite. Through a combination of respect, willingness to accept and understand, and rather deep respect for each other as individuals, we manage, and quite well, when it comes to religion.

What I mean to tell you with this is that it doesn't have to be an issue, it can be worked around, where both parties obtain more knowledge of each other, without restrictions, without demands, without having to agree.

I believe it is what QoH describes as:

Every relationship should have some essence of compromise and acceptance.

We can't (and possibly shouldn't) expect our partners to be the same as us, yet the differences can contribute to many an enlightening conversation and broader horizon. Different and differences, isn't necessarily a bad thing :)

- Alika

[StarPuppy]

I thank you ladies, understand that i should respect her views but even if the sides were reversed, I would try to understand what my SO is interested, like why is she interested in Christianity and personally to me, i like hearing her rants or her views about work, like you ladies would tell your SO, "you know today, --- was so mean, he told me off if front off everyone" or " --- told me that she was thinking of finding a new job "

Personally my mom is hot tempered, and i am a mild tempered, soft spoken person but i hate people flaring their temper like a young spoiled lady and walking off and not interested in calming down and understanding people point of views

[Desert Ghost]

I thank you ladies, understand that i should respect her views but even if the sides were reversed, I would try to understand what my SO is interested, like why is she interested in Christianity and personally to me, i like hearing her rants or her views about work, like you ladies would tell your SO, "you know today, --- was so mean, he told me off if front off everyone" or " --- told me that she was thinking of finding a new job "

Personally my mom is hot tempered, and i am a mild tempered, soft spoken person but i hate people flaring their temper like a young spoiled lady and walking off and not interested in calming down and understanding people point of views

It almost sound like your girlfriend is like your mother. Because it is said that guys tend to marry women who are like their mothers, and gals tend to marry men who are like their fathers. An as an addict you need to focus on yourself and not take on the problems of your partner. Or, as it is stated in a twelve step program of taking someone else inventory.

[StarPuppy]

It almost sound like your girlfriend is like your mother. Because it is said that guys tend to marry women who are like their mothers, and gals tend to marry men who are like their fathers. An as an addict you need to focus on yourself and not take on the problems of your partner. Or, as it is stated in a twelve step program of taking someone else inventory.

It does but what is the 12 step program about? I haven read about it

[Desert Ghost]

Instead of getting into a long winded explanation it is easier to send you to this site 12Step.org for Sobriety, Strength and Serenity.

[StarPuppy]

Since everyone is talking how clean they are on this blessed and peaceful Sunday, I would like to boast about mine :D

3 weeks or is it (4 weeks?) clean? Nevertheless, i am clean and that is what i should be happy and be blessed about :)

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Starpuppy,

What is it that you like about your girlfriend. Don't list anything that she's done for you. I want to know what you like about her. I see how much you struggle in your relationship. Its hard to know what to do, but if you don't really like her, then why are you with her? Dating is the time to figure out if you are compatible. So, are you?

You sound so much happier and more postive lately. Its nice to see.

[StarPuppy]

Hello WONLM, Thanks for visiting my journal

well, shes loyal, caring and stood by me(she said its ok fro guys to watch P and MB) despite my PA.

Well, i am not happy because of her temper and our intellectual differences. One thing i found out after going to church was that there were so many things yet to be discovered regardless it was God or people, People of all walks of life gathering in one place meeting up with friends, different people, different outlooks of life. It was really refreshing to know more people and join in their activities rather than just working and going home.

I tried getting her involved but she just wants to go home after work instead of unwinding and spending time with me on weekends which i find its a personal time to grow spiritually/physically/mentally

Yes, I would like to thank my friends that i knew in army that who stood by me by being optimistic and telling me about God and of course my family in TTF who has never let me go despite times of "hard love"

I am blessed >:D<

[OpenEyes]

Hmmm, I think WONLM asked what you liked about her, and was more or less asking you if you two ae compatable, and you used barely more than one line to say what you liked, and many more lines of what you did not like and unrelated issues.


Starpuppy, try to actually focus on WONLM's question. Do not just type it out, but write it down, set it aside, come back later, reread it, add to it, and do this over a days time. Actually put effort into it. This is to help you think. This is to help you feel. This is to help you realize what a grat person she is OR to help you realize you two may not be compatable.

You are focusing so much on your differences, you seem to be getting lost about improving yourself, mentally and emotionally, so you do not fail again. Religion is great, and it is so important, but God make you a thinking, feeling human. Do not waste God's gifts to you. Use them to improve his gifts. Think of this, would God want you as is, or as a better you? Trick question, he loves all his children. But, would it matter to Him if you wasted his gifts to you, or would it matter more to him if you used them to be a better person?

Think it over, and grats on 3 or 4 weeks sobriety. Keep it going!