jrock123 journal day 0-5

[jrock123]

Wonlm- at this point, I am wondering exactly what the impact of porn is on my life. My wife is not interested in me and it has zero to do with porn. I am certain of that. She will forgive me and likely try to take some blame for this which I will assure her it's not her. The fact is that I am very lonely and very stressed right now. I feel beyond warn out with life. I get the feeling that my wife is forgiving of P and MB because she knows they fill a void. P is inexcusable and I need to stop. When u stop for a loved one, the motivation is easy. I do not have that right now. I haven't rationalized anything. I was wrong across the board. I need to reset and figure out what to do next to get back on track.

Btw, the support I received from the TTF community this time around was non-existent. I will continue to post for now but am starting to wonder the value of this website when I can simply send my wife an email on progress every week that she will rarely ever read.

Jrock

Jrock

Jrock

[Crisodian]

jrock,
Sorry you fell down again and feel that you received little or no support. Life has thrown up all over AG and I this week, and our time to devote to TTF, and one another has taken a big hit and backseat to everything else at the moment. We both struggle when that happens.

You comment you feel your wife wants nothing to do with you. What makes you feel that way? Is it the reaction to the relapse or is it deeper? Could you be projecting your perceptions due to the relapse?

Peace,
~C~

[JenMac]

HI JRock!
Sorry you are struggling right now and feeling so alone! That is a painful place to be. I am sorry too that you feel you are not receiving the support here at TTF that you may have in the past.
I am sorry but I don't know your whole story. I see that you are married and have a son. I am sorry that you are unable to connect with your wife at this time.
I know for me, the more I came here to TTF, the more I posted in my own journal and the more I reached out to others, the more I got back in return. It is directly proportional, I believe. Also the fact that my H and I are both here, gives us a common ground to begin from. There is a lot that we can discuss because we are both here. It gives us jumping off points that lead to many great discussions!
I am not sure if you and your wife have considered this JRock. But perhaps you could. It is a wonderful place to be but we really only get out what we are able to put in, in my estimation anyway.
Just my thoughts J! I am glad you are still here and I am glad you still want to fight the fight! It is all in your own best interest after all.
Take care! Don't give up on us yet!
Jenn