jrock123 journal day 0-5

[Charly22]

I am hoping to reply to your asking for suggestions re: your wife's sex drive.

It is my personal experience that a woman needs EMOTIONAL stimulation, meaning, you being there for her EMOTIONALLY, engaging in what her emotions are, caring about what emotions she is feeling, kinda like the way you have been for that "friend" of yours. I imagine, even if your wife doesn't say so, I imagine she wishes you were there for her in that same way.

But when you start with your woman's heart, mind, emotions, and make that first.....the rest will come naturally.

Just my opinion.....

[jrock123]

Day 38 - no porn, no pictures, no skating - MB has increased quite a bit in the last week. My wife and I have time tomorrow after the kids go off to school to continue our conversations. We haven't made love in a long time. Maybe tomorrow, maybe not - I'll take whatever happens as long as my wife and I keep talking. she is okay with me MBing. of course when I tell her its been everyday for a week, that will sound a bit much. the last 2 days I read and listened to erotic writings (no pictures). I need to be careful here as this can suck up idle hours.

saw my therapist yesterday. I feel like I am making progress on a number of fronts. a bit of work to do, but there is definitely progress.

jrock

[Crisodian]

jrock,
Just a curiosity, does your wife know you still listen to erotic media even without visual stimulation? I'm curious what her thoughts are on it as well as the amount of MB?

Personally, and this is just my opinion, I see the erotic media as skating very close to the edge. Some of that media is just as bad as visual P. It provides sensory input (auditory in this case) that allows the brain to feed the addiction craving. So, in short, you are still feeding into what the brain wants, just in a different form. Just my 2 cents :)

Keep going strong.
Peace,
~C~

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

I agree with Crisodian. The erotica is skating. If you want to MB and you and your wife are fine with that, cool. But, if you "need" the erotica to finish up with the MB, then maybe you don't need to MB. Remember how skating leads to relapse? When skating's not enough, its back to P. Just my 2 cents to add to Crisodian's.

I hope things go well with you and your wife and you can both find a middle ground on intimacy.

[jrock123]

Well, I guess I need to start over as I am not living to my "squeaky clean" mantra. Day 1.

[Little lock]

I have no wise words, but keep the faith.

[Vorlan]

Like LL I've no incredible advice.

Just know that I'm reading mate.

Erotica is just as bad in my view so I'd cut it out. It's just another excuse to feed the addict in you mate.

Keep strong man!

Ben

[Desert Ghost]

Like LL I've no incredible advice.

Just know that I'm reading mate.

Erotica is just as bad in my view so I'd cut it out. It's just another excuse to feed the addict in you mate.

Keep strong man!

Ben

Have to agree with Vorlan, because the way I see it erotica is just P in writing. Which leads to bad mojo and a lot of pain, shame and guilt.

[jrock123]

Well I told my wife I needed to start over because I used erotica stories twice for mb. I also told her that I'd been mb'ing a lot lately. She said "that's what you needed to tell me?". She said she wasn't upset at all, that she likes that I am using the "squeaky clean" standard, and thanked me for the honesty. Later that evening we shared intimacy and all seems well. I do not understand why I deserve this person as my wife, but I do realize the gift I've been given and do not plan to mess it up.

Thanks for all the tough love that TTF gives me.

Jrock

[jrock123]

major, major blowout at home with my son. long story, but in the end I broke down crying very hard. my two kids understood what i was going thru and i made sure my troubled son knew that he was not the reason I was crying. I found myself praying for the first time in years. In the end I just had to go stay somewhere else so I checked into a hotel. Next thing you know I am watching porn clips for the first time in 5 months and MBing. Why is it the first thing I thought of when leaving home was to go violate myself and my promises? it was like I knew I had to do something wrong to myself. I can't keep feeling like a failure as a dad. somehow, someway, I feel like I am now standing in the way of being happy with life again.

day 0. sorry to drag everyone down again. I wish I knew what was going on with me. this was shaping up to be a good week.

jrock