jrock123 journal day 0-5

[jrock123]

Hast - my wife and I have had intimacy 2 times in 5 weeks. in 4 of those weeks, I did not view porn and did not MB. so sex crazed is not the issue.

when my wife and I do have intimacy, there's no question its filled with love. any time I am interested a few days later, that's when I get the reaction "again?".

jrock

[hast]

hmm okay, just a theory, I guess that must not be it, then

[StarPuppy]

maybe she feels that its your hormone and not love? maybe she doesn't want S intimacy one too often?

[Benedict]

This is a big issue for many married couples from what I read and hear. Not everyone, and its not correct to stereotype women and men. But the reality is that it is a common problem for the male partner to have more desire for physical relations, and IMO based in biology. Part of the problem stems from the differences in what men and women are typically seeking. I suspect it can be "solved" when there is good will on both sides, for both parties to stretch themselves somewhat to give more of what the other wants and back off on what they don't want, and to try to let go of expectations. But once it becomes a battleground, or connected to resentments and hurts and feelings of rejection, it becomes very difficult.

I struggle with somewhat similar issue. Accumulations of blame and resentment impede our efforts to deal more gracefully with differences, but there is still considerable goodwill on both sides luckily.

Have you considered some form of counselling? May be helpful, when its hard to really look at the issue yourselves.

[Life-lies-trust]

But the reality is that it is a common problem for the male partner to have more desire for physical relations, and IMO based in biology.

Well Benedict you are stereotyping here. I the SO in the marriage has had a much higher level of wanting to be with my partner than he has had the drive. For YEARS I though he was gay because he just did not want s#x side of the relationship. This addiction gives you the addict the illusion that your partner can not meet your needs but this is part of the self delusion for a lot of PA. From the SO perspective you have shown that we are not desirable to our partner so why should we want to be with you?

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

jrock-

Your intimacy issues may have something to do with your P use, and they may not. People have differing sx drives, of course. This is something to discuss when you are getting married. Have you both had differing ideas of how frequent you should have sx for optimal happiness from the beginning or has this happened over time? This is something you two should discuss in marriage counselling if you two can't agree. If she thinks you just want sx, but you want sx and equate it with intimacy, then there is a disconnect. Sx is a need, and if you two can't work it out, then you both probably won't be happy. There may be other underlying issues for each of you and between you both that you aren't even aware of.

None of us know what's going on with your marriage. And not everything is necessarily related to your PA. I don't think its unreasonable to want to have sx with your wife, unless of course you are after her all the time. 2-3 times a week is average and if you have average desires, I completely understand why you would feel rejected (but that's no reason to relapse!) if she turns you down and makes you feel bad about it. I wish you well and hope you are successful in your P battle and in your marriage.

[Desert Ghost]

jrock,

You may want to talk to your wife about your desires and find out her point of view as to why she has said no towards your desire to be intimate. An also remember intimacy does not always have to be sexual in nature. An there is also the possibility that she might have an issue of sexual anorexia(just a thought).

[jrock123]

Thx to all for the feedback. I am so past porn. Even a sexless wife won't drive me back. Even though I started my count over, it was because I had started skating too much... Pictures of attractive females sometimes in bikinis was not a good practice. So I started my count over and am at 26 days with zero porn, zero urge for porn and zero skating - before that I made it to 100 days.. I did beak down and masterbate a few times in the last week because I needed it. If my wife and I could make love weekly, I would be content. I expect that sometimes she won't be in the mood, that's okay. But to look at me as "always wanting sex" is absurd. When its 5 days after the previous time and the response I get is "again? Is that all u think about?". Sorry , this hurt me. When we make love, it is totally about love - period. We have now made love 2 times in 6 weeks. We have yet to have a followup conversation and I am not interested in sex right now. I am very turned off. Btw, this has nothing to do with porn.

[jrock123]

An additional note here is that my wife has said she has lost her sex drive in the past. If anyone has a suggestion on how to fix that, please send me a private message. Is this something a doctor can address? Is there medicine for this. What is generally the root cause for this?

I am back to square 1 and very lonely. I find myself wanting to be alone more and not wanting to go home from work. Major blowout with middle son who does not value anyone else's property and damaged something of value that he had to go out of his way to do.

Another talk with the boss coming on tuesday. Woo hoo

My friend is a mess and returns to work next week. She has repeatedly said that we can't repeat what we for the last year - which to her means that she doesn't want to repeat lots of 1-1 meetings where that's all she did was cry. She said she can't make herself vulnerable again and has to stop crying all the time. She canceled a breakfast get together with me because she doesn't need a setback. She has always said that she knows I care about her and she's comfortable with me and that makes it too easy for her to cry. I don't get any of this. Its like all of a sudden I am a villain. I am so confused. I will see on wednesday.


Jrock

[jrock123]

28 days with zero porn and no urges and no skating. At least that's least that's going well.