jrock123 journal day 0-5

[Life-lies-trust]

Jrock sounds like your wife and you could really use a get away weekend without the kids.

Hum your son's action I see every day from Monday- Friday (hehe) I'm a teacher and teach math to juniors and seniors who do not think ANY adult know anything. Hugs to both of you! Give your wife a big hug for dealing with him every day while you are at work.

[Desert Ghost]

well today is 13 squeaky clean days. again starting extremely strong without even the slightest temptation. I saw a link to a story and pictures today that I would have followed last month, but easily stayed away. jrock

Good going keep up the steady pace and you will soon see that you are P-free.

[jrock123]

18 squeaky clean days. saw my new therapist but since it was the first time i talked for the entire hour so he could get to know me. I am going to try to do weekly for awhile. updates as follows:

wife - had wonderful intimacy the other day and when I was driving by the area after a doctor's appointment, i called her and said I want to drop in for "some fun". her response was "you can never get enough can you. that's all you ever want to do". I was so very hurt. we make love like 1-2 times every 2 weeks. I thought I was being fun and romantic. I haven't talked to her about it, but it really affected me.

job - got a successful performance review which is what I expected. boss changed his mind about my career path again. we did say we'd get together in a couple weeks as it appears he will need to expand his staff and he has an interesting job for me. we will see. nothing firm.

and then there is my friend. sorry but I can't stay away. we've talked on the phone a couple times. she returns to work in 2 weeks. I helped her find a new job. we've had good discussions and it appears that 1.) she thought we were too close and we needed a reset, 2.) she "hopes we'll maintain our friendship, 3.) her husband now thinks we had an affair (which we absolutely did not).
her husband started working at our company so our interaction will be minimal going forward. I no longer feel betrayed. I am still hurt that she couldn't have been more upfront with me so I didn't continually worry.

jrock

[Desert Ghost]

I am glad to hear that things are starting to work out for you. Keep up the good work and remember to keep the lines of communication open with your wife.=D>

[dave42]

Good luck as you continue on this path. It's looking promising!

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

jrock-

I am glad to see you are making progress. That's wonderful news about your job, I know you were worried. And I am glad you and your friend are able to talk things out. Its a tricky situation sometimes to have friends of the opposite sex. Do you and your wife and her and her husband ever all hang out? Maybe if you were all friends, it would help?

I wonder why your wife doesn't like to have intimacy often. Have you both tried going to counselling together on this? I know you have a really hard time dealing with it when she reacts the way she does. Maybe counselling can help you both understand where each other is coming from and find a happy medium.

I hope things continue to go well with you on the P front and I hope you and your wife can have better communication to reduce hurt and misunderstandings.

Have a good weekend!

[StarPuppy]

Hey Jrock..seems like everything is going well for you..Glad for you

Maybe the wife wants you to have other kind of intimacy(e.g: cooking together or walks in the park) with her instead of S intimacy..Perhaps she feels used, you have to assure her

Hope you get a better job which means less work and more $$$ :D

Well..sorry i couldn't give more constructive advice but hope all goes well..Stay Strong :)

[jrock123]

so I was sitting at 19 squeaky clean days yesterday. I haven't followed a single enticing web link nor have I searched for anything of any kind. I haven't looked for a single loophole and I've had an honest 19 days of being porn free, skating free, MB free. I could not sleep last night and had an extremely strong urge to MB in the middle of the night after which I then MB'd. I MB'd 2 more times last night and early morning. I don't know what happened but I couldn't fight the incredible urge. It could be the recent troubles I've had with my wife's lack of sex drive, but I have no idea. I don't know where I stand right now. It was innocent because of being porn and skating free. I'll have to think about how to treat this.

jrock

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

jrock-

Congrats on 19 days free of P and fantasizing. Don't minimize the progress you have made because of the MB.

There's lots of different thoughts on this site as to whether MB is ok or not. I think it really depends on your mindset and how it relates to P. It might help you to go back and read your journal to see what you have said about MB and its link to P for you.

[hast]

jrock, to me it sounds like you're a little too dependent on sex in general. If your wife is worn out and doesn't want to have intimacy with you, you should be alright for a while, it shouldn't be such a hard thing, you know? I don't mean that as in I'm looking down on you, I'm just trying to point out that maybe the reason you went back to MBing is that even while you quite P and MBing, you were still having some sort of stimulation. Maybe even though you lasted that long, you never were truly free of your dependency on it?

The other day, your wife said that you want to "have fun" too often. Perhaps you should remind her that that's not the only thing you love about her. I'm by no means experienced in this area, but I can say that a spontaneous flower or two that you picked for her or a nice note can never hurt.