jrock123 journal day 0-5

[hast]

jrock, I've been wondering myself if I need to restart my count. :( after over 100 days. I'm still not sure if I will, but thank you for posting this, you're very courageous and it's helping me

[Life-lies-trust]

Going forward, I will use 1 true indicator of success - a day without P and without MB and without skating and without erotica and without looking for a loophole = a successful day. I will send my wife weekly reports to her private email account.

Jrock

Jrock you are becoming accountable for you actions GREAT job. Make sure that you also talk to your wife too and explain why you are doing what you are doing. I would also suggest a book called "The addictive personality" for your wife to read and explain to you.

[Desert Ghost]

jrock,

You are taking the right step in accepting the fact that you are accountable for your own actions. An yes it will be hard at first, but you will find that each day it will get easier. Stay the course an you will be a better person for it.

[Daniel]

That's a good plan jrock.

You do what you need to do for a complete recovery, not one with attachments and loopholes etc.

We're rooting for your success,

Daniel

[Desert Ghost]

Hope that you are sticking to your plan and I hope that things are getting better for you and your SO.

[jrock123]

thx for the support as I can always count on that from TTF. I am at 3 days, its been easy. have an appt with psychiatrist on friday and looking for a good counselor. i continue to feel very low. talked to my dad as he had periods in his life like this that sent him to the hospital. he was also an alcoholic. he felt needy, lonely and sorry for himself. felt good talking to him. right now, i feel like my wife doesn't pay attention and all intimacy has stopped. she is never in the mood and doesn't initiate. my son is disrespectful and treats me like I do not exist - I no longer parent him. my job ends in 6 months and I don't know what I am doing next. my best friend on Medical leave for the last 6 weeks and likely never coming back to work has stopped all contact with me and doesn't respond to my texts. after helping her thru many problems and tears, me doing the majority of the work to maintain a friendship, her telling me I was her best and only friend, a big brother, and her and her husband calling me on her progress in the hospital, she has cut off all contact. this is so painful. I don't need this - I sent her a note that said I was hurt and didn't need this stress and ended our friendship. all of these things add up to one thing - I am alone and unwanted and extremely needy. I need help.

jrock

[Desert Ghost]

"all of these things add up to one thing - I am alone and unwanted and extremely needy. I need help." Let me make one thing absolutely clear jrock you are not alone and you are wanted by all your friends on TTF and all of us need something. Sometimes we don't know what we want, but we know that we need something. I once thought as you are now and I have awaken to the fact that I am not alone and I am wanted and yes I have needs as well. But, if you let these feeling beat you down it will only push you towards acting out.

"my best friend on Medical leave for the last 6 weeks and likely never coming back to work has stopped all contact with me and doesn't respond to my texts. after helping her thru many problems and tears, me doing the majority of the work to maintain a friendship, her telling me I was her best and only friend, a big brother, and her and her husband calling me on her progress in the hospital, she has cut off all contact." An if she was truly your best friend, she would never push you away. She reminds me of some of the people I knew who would only use you for what they could get, but if you needed something they were either unable or unwilling to help. So, in the long run you will find that you are better off with the ending of the so called friendship.

I know that things look hopeless right now, but hang in there and get the help that you need and you will see thing start to turn around. An here is something just for you >:D<.

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

jrock-

Just a thought about your best friend. Maybe she found that she was getting too close to you emotionally and had to distance herself.

I hope things get better for you.

[jrock123]

Dg/WONLM- all good points - maybe I wanted a close friend so badly that I overlooked lots of signals. I assumed that if I invested it would be returned. Verbally, she said things that were inconsistent with how she behaved. Back in dec., when I hit a low period for about 4 weeks and was keeping to myself, she made zero effort towards me. I was so busy doing nice things for her and listening to her problems, that I overlooked this not being more equal. I set myself up. Maybe she is backing off for a reason, but I am deeply hurt because she said one thing and did another. After she'd been gone a week, she called me, cried about several things (which now seems to have been my role) - that was our last contact. I never heard if any of these problems worked themselves out. I am still very hurt by all of this, but I hope the clean break allows me to move on more quickly. Thx.

Jrock

[Desert Ghost]

jrock, here is a little quote to think about. "Your actions speak so loud, that I can not hear what you are saying." If you watch the people around you, you become aware of the nature of people.