My Journal - #34

[Crisodian]

Thanks for your support castaway! It means a lot to us.

~C~

[artguy34]

Post #13

Day 37 but really it is starting to feel "normal" that I am not MB or viewing P. I like that feeling. My wife is helping me greatly with my recovery. It means so much more when we go to bed together and we kiss good night. No more redundancy in our nightly routine, thats for sure. Cant take anything for granted. But it is a great feeling snuggling up and falling asleep next to my wife. Seeing her at peace when she goes to bed. Of course its not always like this, but you learn to appreciate when our SO's are having a "good" night. Makes you feel good inside knowing that what I am doing is making a difference not only for me, but for her as well.

Yet another deterrent for me not to MB or view P!

One other reason is having my 3+ yr old son wake up and join me for breakfast in the mornings. What a pleasant way to start the day as my little guy wants his cup of milk. It is not the milk he wants per se, but it has to be with "daddy" or its not good enough now. He cant just wait for me to get it. He "has" to walk down stairs with me and join me at the table and have breakfast with me. LOL!

I cant tell you how good that makes me feel! Soon Im sure my youngest boy will join us as well. All three of us causing mayhem for breakfast in the mornings. :D

And thats the way it should be right?

[terawave]

Artguy,

Yes, that is exactly the way it should be! Taking that special time to be with your family, to enjoy everything life has to offer. It makes you feel good inside and out. My kids are college age, I can look back and see just what my husband has lost out on, what was sacrificed because of P. It's all so disheartening.

You have the opportunity to make things right and you are. One day down the road when you and Crisodian look back on this, you will be thankful you made the decision to stay committed to recovery.

Blessings to you both-

[StarPuppy]

Post #13

Day 37 but really it is starting to feel "normal" that I am not MB or viewing P. I like that feeling. My wife is helping me greatly with my recovery. It means so much more when we go to bed together and we kiss good night. No more redundancy in our nightly routine, thats for sure. Cant take anything for granted. But it is a great feeling snuggling up and falling asleep next to my wife. Seeing her at peace when she goes to bed. Of course its not always like this, but you learn to appreciate when our SO's are having a "good" night. Makes you feel good inside knowing that what I am doing is making a difference not only for me, but for her as well.

Yet another deterrent for me not to MB or view P!

One other reason is having my 3+ yr old son wake up and join me for breakfast in the mornings. What a pleasant way to start the day as my little guy wants his cup of milk. It is not the milk he wants per se, but it has to be with "daddy" or its not good enough now. He cant just wait for me to get it. He "has" to walk down stairs with me and join me at the table and have breakfast with me. LOL!

I cant tell you how good that makes me feel! Soon Im sure my youngest boy will join us as well. All three of us causing mayhem for breakfast in the mornings. :D

And thats the way it should be right?

the joys of a family, the simple things in life which people don't really think its much because its 0 in monetary value but sometimes material stuff is really nothing compared to situations like this that money can't buy

The love of a family :)

[castaway16]

ArtGuy, how nice it is to read those words : " it is starting to feel "normal" that I am not MB or viewing P."

Again, I'm in the spectator seat, I'll definitely keep cheering on you and your wife, Crisodian. But I guess I don't have something more useful than that now. Do you need advice regarding something not P-related, say maybe time management ? uhm .. wait .. You already advised me on that ! ahem .. ok this is getting embarassing, tell you what, have yourself and Crisodian some nice drink and imagine that it's on me , alright ? .. I really have to go now. :P

Castaway

[Crisodian]

But I guess I don't have something more useful than that now.

Sure you do! We need the cheering section just like everyone else. That's VERY useful to both of us! It helps to hear that our journey helps others, virtual drinks and all...lol

Be strong! Thanks castaway!
~C~

[artguy34]

Post #14

Well after this weekend I think I will take a virtual drink or a real drink. Whew! Forgot how much out of shape I am. Focusing my energy on getting things done around the house is great! Except my aging body is telling me that Im a knuckle-head for trying to take on the world at once. LOL!

Sure wanting to cut the lawn, paint the house, install exterior lights, clean the garage etc. sounds great, but boy am I hurting physically today. Of course not all of that got done, but I did my best!

This weekend was great for many reasons. Wife and I did many things together and even at one point, the stress level got high and instead of barking at each other, we worked together to resolve the things we needed. And I am proud of that! We both worked hard on that and I could see the progress we've made in that area. What a wonderful feeling being able to accomplish something in the heat of the moment and be productive and then sit down and enjoy dinner together. :D

No urges for P or MB this weekend. Didnt really have time for it. Kinda like that quote from Jesse "The Body" Ventura in the movie Predator... "Your bleeding" says one soldier
..."I aint got time to bleed" say JV. LOL

Kinda felt that way this weekend. I didnt have time to think about P or MB. And come to think about it... I really felt "normal" in this capacity! Feels good and Im very relieved.

I am currently 43 1/2 days clean with no MB or Porn. And even though most mornings I have urges to MB, I have found ways to focus on other things to avoid falling into that "trap". With the help of my wife, and being open and honest to her, I feel strongly that I can overcome this addiction, because my life now seems better than it has been in years.

I could have never done it without my wife, TTF, and various other resources!

Thanks everyone for your continued support! TTF has made a great difference!
=D>

[Crisodian]

Wife and I did many things together and even at one point, the stress level got high and instead of barking at each other, we worked together to resolve the things we needed. And I am proud of that! We both worked hard on that and I could see the progress we've made in that area. What a wonderful feeling being able to accomplish something in the heat of the moment and be productive and then sit down and enjoy dinner together.

AG's path to recovery from PA/MB has been amazing. I don't know how to sum it up any other way. I can't thank TTF enough for helping us through what probably would have been the end of our marriage had we not come here. I've never been prouder of him for what he has accomplished in the last 43 days.

However, I fear that it may come across that our recovery is without struggle, so I'd like to add something here.

First and foremost, I don't want anyone to get the impression that it was easy not to snap and snark at AG when the stress level "hit the fan" this weekend. It took immense amounts of control, on both our parts, not to tear into one another when dealing with a bad situation. I had to do some serious deep breathing and pause to regain control of my emotions before I lost control completely.

Were we successful? Yes. We were. And, like AG, I am very proud of that.

I guess more than anything what I want to add here is it takes WORK, and lots of it, to continue to move forward in our recovery. It's not easy. For either of us. But we're doing it, together.

It is a great feeling at the end of the day to know working through all this has made such a huge impact for both of us.

Here's to moving forward.

~C~

[artguy34]

First and foremost, I don't want anyone to get the impression that it was easy not to snap and snark at AG when the stress level "hit the fan" this weekend. It took immense amounts of control, on both our parts, not to tear into one another when dealing with a bad situation. I had to do some serious deep breathing and pause to regain control of my emotions before I lost control completely.

I couldnt have said it better... yes it took a great amount of control, especially since we are both "A" types. I will admit that in the past, we both would have snapped at each other, gotten pretty ticked off and walked away angry to try to cool off in a separate place. (We never fight in front of the kids) However, with me being on the road to recovery for my addiction, this has enabled us both to open up to each other and work on other things inside our marriage that we would have ignored otherwise.

But the reason we are sharing this experience with you all is to show that not only can the addiction I have be worked on, but all other facets of our life together is also being worked on. That is making a huge difference in our lives as we try to move forward. Nothing good is ever easy to achieve, but with hard work, it is obtainable!

[Athenon]

Hey congrats on 43 days ! that is impressive.
I am not surprised at your continuous success. You are very focused and I believe it's very important for success. You share a lot on the site and seem very dedicated. Good job !
I also want to extend my congratulation to Crisodian for all the amazing support she's given you. :)