My Journal - #34

[WifeOfNewLifeMan]

Hi AG,

I think you have a good point here. SOs and successful long-term P free PAs usually tell folks here that the key to success is quitting for yourself. I think its true that at the beginning, people quit to get rid of the crisis. But then, like you, people have the "a-ha" moment after a little while of sobriety. I think its difficult to wake up when you are in a P haze, but much easier to truly see when you have some distance. I am glad that you had a true wake-up and have committed to long term success.

[artguy34]

Well, today is officially 2 years since I have been clean and sober.

Just like last year when I made my first year clean, it feels bittersweet. Yes, I am extremely proud of myself and happy to be continously making progress in my recovery. But... I can still feel that pain I experienced then, when I was confronted. Not that I'm complaining about it because it's kinda like my albatross. I'll be wearing this for the rest of my life. However, I do feel that I am allowed to be happy. Just like I use the pain of guilt & suffering to help keep me on the right path.

This is still a tough road, and there are times when Crisodian and I struggle to keep the pieces together. However, we always manage to find a way to work together. Some days it's easier than others. Right now, we are enjoying everyday we get to see our little boys grow up. THIS is what living is! Going through the ups and downs, managing stress and hapiness and creating a better life for our children. THIS is why living P-free is essential. The joys of family far outweigh the selfish jubilation of being a porn addict.

So as I sit here today, I look back and see just how far I have come. I see how I have grown and matured, and how living a life free of porn has made me a better human being. This allows me to also look forward to the future. To see significant events on the horizon with my family. To take control of my life and not be a mindless drone to addiction.

On the eve of entering my 4th decade of life, I look forward to many things. Some people say that at 40 you start to go downhill... but I see myself as getting ready to go uphill!

Thank you to my wife Crisodian, for giving me the chance to change my life.
...for loving me unconditionally
...for loving me despite my conditions
...for opening my eyes to the truth
...for believing in me
...for having the courage to walk this path with me

...for being my Wife!

Love Always,

AG

[Teemo]

artguy,

What a joy to read your post! This journey feels long and uneventful sometimes. I need to hear what the view is like from up ahead where you are. I think I understand what you mean about the albatross that you will always wear. I am sure mine is with me to stay, too. But we move freely, and we keep making progress, and, yes, we are allowed to be happy.

Thanks for staying with TTF and continuing to show that it can be done, and life can be good.

Teemo

[IN NEED OF HELP]

artguy

What an honor it is, to read this beautiful post. 2 years free from this family destroying addiction. This is the kind of news I love to hear here. I know it was a long hard road at times, but in the way that you describe in how good you feel about life now, shows that this road, is one worth being on.

What a wonderful example you are to all of us here. this surely shows that you live up to what you started here: that

Relapse is not an option

Thank you for giving us this, to live by in our recovery

Keep up with your wonderful recovery. And as for going downhill at 40, don't believe it. I am 55 and I am just climbing higher and higher theses days. Thank you for being here at TTF, and sharing with us, how you are doing.

Your fellow addict

Gerald

[JenMac]

HI Artguy!
Congratulations on 2 years! That is amazing! Seems like yesterday Mac and I came here and you were here certainly steady in your recovery, but still fairly new never the less. Unbelievable how much time has passed!
You have been such an inspiration to many here Artguy, and certainly Mac and I are 2 of your biggest fans! You and Cris have led the way for many who have come behind you. I agree with Gerald. Your Relapse is not an Option is one mantra that has furthered many a recovery here!
Understanding the blessings you have in your life is surely a true sign of recovery Artguy and you have many to be thankful for! Being able to be fully present in your life with your lovely little family is one of the biggest!
Wishing you and Cris the very best! You deserve to feel proud of all you have accomplished! The happiness is well deserved!
All the best!
Jenn and Mac (from a shared computer!)

[Daniel]

Artguy,

Great to hear from you!

Congratulations on 2 no doubt hard-fought years. We both know more than words can accurately describe how tough the journey can be.

But it's not the toughness of the journey that counts but the perserverance of the individual, which you personify.

Thank you for that. "Why"?

Mrs. Daniel, during our many discussions of late, has pointedly asked me, of all the "people I know who are PAs, how many are truly free, not slipping or cheating or lying about their recovery since they've started their recovery?"

!!!

Well, Artguy, FoolishMind, Mac, Hopefuls Rock. Four.

Now there may be others (Phil413 for example) that are doing well and have done well since Day 1 but I'm not familiar enough with their stories to say for sure.

Every single PA I know, here or IRL, doesn't get past the "struggle" of having P as a weakness, but there are a few highly regarded individuals who manage it with success.

And you are first on the list!

Best Regards,

Daniel

[artguy34]

Thank you Daniel,

I never really saw it as perserverance in that way, and coming from another member like yourself who refuses to give in, it means the world to me. When we are dealing with our own battles day to day, sometimes we lose sight of other things. Thank you for letting me see this addiction from yet, another viewpoint. It truly is an honor to be mentioned in the same sentence as Foolishmind, Mac, Hopefuls Rock, Phil413 and yourself Big-D!

Thank you again Daniel, Teemo, INOH, Jen & Mac for your kind words.