Clog's struggle

[clog]

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[Dominus]

You know what, you sound so similar to the way I have been! It really does muck up your life doesnt it, this website is a real help, seeing the misery porn causes to others helps to put it into perspective. I too used to view the porn then delete it after, or watch videos and chuck them away. My wife caught me late one night and I came clean, I looked at porn again after about a month when I was in the house alone for 4 nights and then I had a frank and honest discussion with her and I havent looked at anything since, that was 50 days ago. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I dont dare to look at anything remotely raunchy - ever... as it will be a slippery slope that I will not be able to resist sliding down. If your wife is poorly then you doubt support her with her illness, My best advice is to get your wife involved and to help you in the same way with your 'illness', set guidelines on computer usage and stick to them. the best thing I ever did was getting my wife onboard with my problem, the second best thing was joining this forum. Like you said in another of your posts, dont beat yourself up over your failures, but concentrate on your victories. I certainly hope you suceed in your endeavour my friend.

[FoolishMind]

Hi Clog, I am quite taken back, by your extremely honest post.

Quoting this from your post:

"The rest of the time is simply waiting until I can get my fix. If that takes time, I get more and more angry with everyone and everything around me. I must be a nightmare to live with."

I would never have thought it. But that was me. It explains all the moods, the depression. ALways happiest alone! (I wonder why)

The power of your honesty, shows you are a strong man, but even with that, I echo Dominus in saying to involve your wife, in supporting you. This will help you tremendously.

Cant wait to see your posts in about 30 days saying how great you feel!

[Dominus]

One of the things that has really encouraged me - and Foolishmind I believe has similar experience -, is that my wife tells me that she is really proud of me for the effort I am making. Your wife is already showing signs of pleasure at your changes and this can be a really strong motivation to persevere.

[FoolishMind]

Clog, I think every single member will be able to relate to something if not all what you have said in this post. It sent a shiver down my spine , reminding me of some of the things I have done.

But yes you have turned the corner, And I can feel your enthusiasm in your words that you are really looking forward to being a real husband to your wife and a great father to your children.

Thank you for sharing that comprehensive and completely honest post.

Your going to beat your 9 day record! Make you sure you double it! And really do a big shout out post for your 19 days! I look forward to it.

[Medium]

I can completely relate to your posting Clog. I too have 2 children and a third on the way now. I have taken my wife away from her home and family to a foreign country and I feel that in some ways I have restricted her options for happiness. She also has many ailments of her own, and I have not yet found the courage to discuss this openly with her, for fear of hurting her more than she may already be.

Keep up the openness and honesty. Especially with yourself, because I think that more than those around you, it's to yourself that you do the greatest disservice with those lies.

If you can be honest with yourself, then you can be proud and then you can really help those around you.

[lowlyGiant]

Clog,
Wow, I can see you've come a long way. Personally, I'm a single man; I've no prospects, even, to consider even being in a relationship. Although I can sympathize with your feeling of distress you feel for what you have done to your family, I don't have much to offer you in regards to that. As for me, when I was 17, I was involved in a near-fatal car accident. If you'd like to read about that in more detail. I am currently in college and live my parents. My father has caught me on numerous occasions looking at P: magazines, DVDs, pay-TV, PPV movies, and quite a number of times the internet (by various methods: walking in on me, checking browser histories, hub-logs, over-hearing videos that I'd start before checking the volume on my computer,...)

I truly feel awful for the strife I've caused my poor old man. Ive been on this site before, and was doing great for awhile (getting to about 7 or 8 days before MBing again, though I was still viewing P movies that were only offered on a web-site, after figuring out how to download them without paying for expensive movie-downloading software(I rationalized it out that "I'm training to work in the computer-feild, therefore I'm merely doing some additional research"), but last night I finally slipped-up again.

However, today is a new day and I'm sure we can conquer this, together, Clog!

[Light]

Good luck Clog, and lowlyGiant :) I wish you guys the best today.

[FoolishMind]

Well done clog! Sounds like you getting stronger and stronger against the little battles. Keep on..Keeping on! ;)

[Dominus]

In my darkest moments I actually hope my wife will find out about my failure and will send me packing, so I can spend my days in solitude giving in to my addiction which I'll clearly never conquer.
Clog.

I feel for you my friend, it is so hard, but it is not insurmountable. I have felt like you, even felt like leaving my wife and kids, living off the state in a bedsit so I could indulge myself, but you and I know that this would just makes us so miserable.

Old habits die hard, you have done so well in your fight, and been a great encouragement to others with your honest and open posts. Its difficult I know to say the words outright, but have you considered actually penning a letter to your wife and telling her you need her help with your fight? Someone else to encourage you can be that extra impetus thats required, I know when i told my wife it was like a huge load off my shoulders.

We are here for you my friend, hang in there, count your success and not your failures. I was just listening to that Peter Gabriel / Kate Bush song "dont give up", it seemed kind of appropriate.