StarPuppy's journal of Life and etc

[StarPuppy]

Hi..I would like to introduce myself after signing up for so long

Biodata

- 21 years of age, male
- Lives in Singapore(asia)
- is currently in army for the time being(mandatory)
- holds a vocational cert in IT

Anyway..i decided that i would start a journal to help me with my problems of P and MB, i would be posting weekly or less if possible about my life too, hope i will get some support in here and also i hope this journal would help my support buddy Polar too. he has done greatly so far
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May 18/2009, Monday 0910am
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I decided that i should stop watching P and NOT try to cut down, i been telling that to myself and i will always fall back to the urges of MB which is dependant on P. been starting to look at women's B a little too often and feeling that my lady should have Bs like them and also looks like them..its starting to affect me greatly

anyway i been unhappy about my work, being verbally abused at work, I don't like to say NO to people, i feel bad rejecting them, after all human live for one another, who would be driving the buses or the trains if it weren't for those drivers and yet we ignore them and not even a word of thanks, humans take each other for granted and its so sad that as technology advances, our moral ethics doesn't

especially my office is small and i been isolated/outcasted, i been trying to hard to help them and gain "acceptance" since the first day and yet i have not felt the warmness but instead a cold dagger and doubtfulness, with the verbal abuse, i don't think i can take it anymore, i have already went to the counsellors for help and they told me to ignore when i am picked on..but how can i? I been always a guy with low self-estee..all i wanted is some acceptance and some care/confirmation from others..sigh

life is hard...

[Little lock]

You're a singaporean? That makes two of us. Anyway, the journals here are extremly helpful and full of information regarding this addiction, and how to overcome it. They have helped me alot, although I am a little behind on the readings.

Its cool that you and Polar have gotten together to try to figure out this thing. Maybe I ought to try that. Still, keep exploring alternatives and new ways to conquer this addiction.

Regarding the self esteem issue, well, all I can say is too not be too hard on yourself. I personally have no working experience, but if people don't like you despite all your efforts, stuff 'em.:) You'll find TTF full of warm and supportive people who are always ready to help.

Well, peace and good luck.

[Mindtech]

Dude! Your story is not unique.

I can agree with your two views: One, that the more you compare your girlfriend with other women/models, you will be unhappy with your girlfriend. But you will ALWAYS be unhappy when you compare, because you'll never be number one in all fields. Comparing feeds the ego, and the ego is not friends with "love". So don't feed your ego! Besides, noone falls in love from looking... you only fall in lust. And lust does not lead to happiness.

Point two being that people take each other for granted: Yeah, they often do. And I think it's true that man's brain has not evolved for many many years, and there's no official school that teaches a person to change or train their mental capacity or evolve moral ethics. And I think that's because the world is run by money: And you simply can't make money from turning people into thinking beings. Because then they won't buy stuff that they don't need anymore.

At my job we talk "rough" to each other, we pick on each other, but I think the trick is sometimes to shoot back. Don't let them step on you, dude. You won't gain anything from being stepped on. Teach them some respect!
I know people in Asian countries have a different attitude towards authority than here in North Europe, where we talk back to our university professors or the police if they don't make proper sense. I'm sure you can find a way out. Noone likes to be stepped on. Me, I'd rather die with honour than live without... :)

[StarPuppy]

Thanks LL and Mindtech for your supporting posts, please continue to help each other on this long journey of salvation. :)
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May 18/2009 Monday 2200(10pm)
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(Day 1 without P)

today seems ok, I am on my off/leave and i have not got the urges to MB or P but i have had the urge to sleep lot since its raining..have not achieved much other than lvling in ROM(Runes of Magic), the game is starting to get boring tho =/

I really hope that i can get a transfer to a place where i can work happily and not come to work fearing and getting verbally abused, I know that such things are exsistance everywhere and its up to the indiviual to adapt to such things but is it my fault that i can't handle such pressure?

Perhaps that being kind and helpful is a crime in the world? Or maybe we should learn "sarcasm" in our daily lives? Or rather we all should learn to be heartless and cold like a dog-eat-dog world?

Like Mindtech said we all should stand up for ourselves in events of bullying, learn how to "shoot" back but what if we are unable to shoot back or rather don't have the heart to spew malice from our mouths? are we deem weak and easily bullied and should be made used of?

All Humans are both equal, it is the children/babies who are born innocent and pure

It is sad that we learn how to pick sides and despise people who are weaker, many of times i felt that maybe the world would be much healthier and more productive if we just throw away those degrading view of other people and start to treasure everybody around us

[cyberpunk]

I don't know if this helpful but I try to practice this in my own life. If there is someone that really angers me or upsets me, I set aside some time to write down the good things that I see in them. Sometimes it is very difficult! But as I do this I start to see them as a human being again instead of seeing them as some kind of monster.

I wish I could help more than that. Unfortunately, so often in life, situations are out of our control. I try to view those situations as potential lessons and opportunities for growth. "This situation is hard, what can I learn from it? How can it make me a better person?" If you can learn to overcome P and MB during this stressful time then you will be that much stronger during easier times. Good luck to you!

[StarPuppy]

Thank you cyber and those who have dropped by my journal even if nothing was posted :) I agree if i can cope with this period of time, i will come out stronger
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May 19/2009 Tuesday 2245(1045pm)
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(Day 2 without P)

Well, today was a little disappointment? my supervisor said she is gonna transfer the bully out soon but i felt that i should be transferred out instead because
1) hes better in the work than me
2) the other guys have sorta formed a stronger barrier against me

oh well..have to bite the cloth and bear the pain of the verbal bullet..sigh =/ i don't think much will be changed

anyways, i downloaded lots of IT stuff to do work tomorrow when i have nothing to do, hopefully i won't get called by the bully so much if i am busy.

Visited a few journals and they gave me courage to face my P/MB issues and also let our fellow companions know that they are not fighting the battle alone. I might continue reading tomorrow and visit other journals, today is such a busy day, i am already half asleep as i am typing this..heh :)

I realized that i am a cleanliness weird guy, i would not MB after i bath in fear of dirtying my self and stuff, i think its very weird of me but anyways i felt this forum has given me alot of help and everyone is so helpful with one another, its a pity i am very sleepy now so i can't post anything much constructive..maybe i will just post tomorrow morning

although i am worried about Polar,hes been away for 2 days not counting the weekends, wonder if hes ok =/

Good night to all readers :)

[Little lock]

Dude, the people who give you stick? They aren't strong. They're strength is the mob strength, that blind, apathetic, drive that comes over people who dare not live. They merely exist.

Nice one on the two days. We just need to go one day at a time, and anything can be done. I sincerly hope that things get better for you at work. Don't let it affect your fight with this addiction though. Luck:)

[Daniel]

... and not come to work fearing and getting verbally abused, I know that such things are exsistance everywhere and its up to the indiviual to adapt to such things but is it my fault that i can't handle such pressure?

Perhaps that being kind and helpful is a crime in the world? Or maybe we should learn "sarcasm" in our daily lives? Or rather we all should learn to be heartless and cold like a dog-eat-dog world?

Like Mindtech said we all should stand up for ourselves in events of bullying, learn how to "shoot" back but what if we are unable to shoot back or rather don't have the heart to spew malice from our mouths? are we deem weak and easily bullied and should be made used of?

StarPuppy,

The first thing that crossed my mind when I read about your work situation is "Personality Types".

I'll bet if you did a little light research of personality types this would explain a lot about the behaviors you observe at work.

I did a quick search and found the Wikipedia entry on temperaments (Choleric, Sanguine, Melancholic, Phlegmatic) to be a good summary (HERE).

We are studying this subject now in church, I have done it two times before at work, and I must say it is very illuminating on why people may do the things they do, how their behaviour/reactions will trend in a certain direction.

If you had a grasp of the personality types (or you may have already thought this through!), how they're characterized, it may de-fuse this "battle" at work, de-personalize it somewhat and break it down to an objective study of personality types and their demonstration, not a big personal attack on "me", leaving you feeling bad and (perhaps) wanting to medicate with P/MB.

I hope this helps.

Go Big,

Daniel

[Bird-boy]

Thank you for the post in my journal. :)

[Mindtech]

I agree with LL; The people trying to push you SUCK all the way to the bank. They have low self-esteem and so attempt to balance their inner emptiness out by feeding their egos, attempting to feel superior to you. That's all. The right thing to do is to feel sorry for them. They suck and they are not even aware.

Writing this I just remembered something that happened when I was a kid. There was this one kid who everyone picked on. Then one day as I was standing there, an adult told the kid: "Just don't act on it. Pretend they're not there." The kid, being a clever one, did as told. I saw two bullies coming over, pushing him and calling him names. He simply ignored them. After about 10 seconds, they totally lost interest. One of them even said: "Hey, whatcha doing?" They wanted to PLAY with him, can you believe that?

A teacher of mine once said: "Observe here and now the people around you. Those who push others around will be last in the end. Those who are pushed around will rule the others." I didn't know what he meant, I was about 12. But now I know: When the bullies "grow up" and enter "the real world" the people will recognize them for what they are: Nobodies. They do not matter.
And the people who were pushed around are full of beautiful secrets. They are waiting to unfold, and they have so much more potential than any bully. THEY will rule this world. You.