Pipster's Journal

[StarPuppy]

Pippy Pippy..what ever happen to you my friend? As dave said, if we could slap you just to show you tough love, we would..but whats wrong?

[Daniel]

Pipster,

What you describe is serious. Please tell us you are or will seek help beyond this community with the highest hopes for your recovery and life.

Daniel

[pipster22]

I am continuing to work with my therapist, but it's never as easy as it seems. It's going to take a long time to tackle these problems, but I am sure that eventually I will end up on top.

I think sometimes things just need to be put into perspective for you to realize how evil they really are.

Thank you for all the support I have gotten from here. I appreciate it so much.

Pippy

[Bird-boy]

Hi Pipster!

I've been ignoring my issues the past couple of months. I've been absent from this website for 3 months. But I'm facing my issues again, and full-heartedly.


I'm wondering how you're doing.


You can read my "return post" in my recovery journal, if you'd like.

[pipster22]

wow you guys... sorry i have been gone for so long. shit got so crazy.
well, as i previously stated my porn addiction has definetly switched to drugs and alcohol. i can't believe the places i have let myself go to...... but long story short, i am in rehab and doing OK. things could be better, but i am working through things and trying to make the best out of life :) hope you guys are all doing well, looking forward to reading whats been going on in your posts!!

my life for the past 5 months -

absoloutley devistating. i don't know how else to describe it. it was the most painful experience i have ever gone through in my life. drinking all day, all night. at the end i was going through a 1.75 of vodka every other day and then began to add coughsyrup etc to get even higher. i can honestly say if i didnt get help i would not be alive right now.

which is a really weird transition from a porn addiction... going from something so devistating in itself to something even more devistating. i dont know how to explain it. i feel like i went from a "harmless" addiction to something that put my life in danger every time i used it.

i grew a lot this past year. i discovered my "transexuality". this is not saying i am a transexual, but as my counselor defines it "gender-queer". I am a homosexual boy that loves makeup, heels, etc. i have so much anger towards society, my family, my friends. i have so much resentment and so much hurt. but what can you do? escape to a world of porn? or maybe of xanex and karkov?

I recently became obsessed with a song called "Love is a Suicide" by natalia kills
The best line in it which i can totally relate to through addiction is this -
"You can run, you can hide, but sooner or later it's gonna cut like a knife"

Its so true. you can escape into whatever world you want, whether it be porn, second life, sims, alcohol, drugs, its all temporary. you will eventually be thrown back into reality and forced to deal, or not to, with your problems.

i have such a new outlook on life - i am so grateful that i made it through this hell hole and am starting to reconstruct my life. will be posting here more regularily, probably in regards to both porn and alcohol.

xoxo pippy

[JenMac]

Hey Pipster!
Welcome back to TTF!
I am sorry that your life took you in the direction it did. I am glad that you have found your way to rehab and back to TTF. Sometimes it seems that we need to hit bottom before we can find our way up.
I must have come after you were here Pipster. I came here in March 2010 along with my H Mac. TTF has been a very positive influence in our life for a long time now. I hope you will discover it is the same for you!
No place to go but up!
All the best!
Jenn

[pipster22]

Thanks for the welcome back, Jen!

I am absoloutley panicing. I have been sober for a while now and a lot of emotions are starting to hit me like a brick. I don't know how to handle them.... I am moving back to campus this Friday and I am so scared. It's going to be great for me, but dealing with real life situations SOBER is going to be almost impossible. I am so afriad.

I am doing what I need to do to stay sober though, drinking my tea and keeping my mind open. I am starting to journal, which is hard, but definetly the right thing for me to do.

I am going to go journal now and hope for a drug, alcohol and porn free night!

xoxo pippy

[burnedout]

Hang in there, Pipster. Just take things one step at a time and you should be fine.
John