Dave42's Very Gay Journal of Recovery

[dave42]

Okay, so I get knocked down, but I get up again. This is me getting up again. Hope everyone is doing well. I'm hoping to write here most days.

[dave42]

Hello, again. I am trying to pass an important exam in November, and I really need to stay away from p so that I can study. But, even once the exam is finished, I still need to stay away because I then have an important project to work on for the next year and a half. So, I need to get some traction here. I have relapses every few weeks, or even more frequently. Well, today is a new day, so here I go again, trying to reform.

[dave42]

Hey everyone! I'm off to the gym, which sounds virtuous, huh, but I guess the truth is that I'm about 30 or 40 pounds overweight these days. Sigh...I try to hold on to something someone here said half a year ago, that I can worry about my PA, my laziness, my being out of shape and link all of these problems, or I can link all of these problems and try to fly -- try to work on all of them. Here's to flying!

[dave42]

Well, I'm doing okay today. Hoping to make it -- what -- 3 days strong! Given that there are only a few hours left of today (I have to go to bed early: tomorrow's a big day with an early start time: 5:15am!), I ought to make it. Good luck, everyone!

[gnein]

Well, you're back on your feet again, that's the main thing. Just remember, one day at a time. Only one grain of sand can pass through an hour glass at one time, and it's the same here. Once you master that, the milestones will start passing sooner than you realise.

[Daniel]

Hey Dave!

Man alive but you have a fire under you now! And that is a really good thing. As gnein said, keep moving forward.

With purpose and intention you can avoid that "getting lazy" phase which will tempt you to allow certain things in. Then you are taking small steps down, then big steps, and, well, we know how the rest of the story looks and feels.

Back with a vengeance - - No Compromises - - Keep up the good work and the encouragement your're pouring out to the rest of the crew!

Daniel

[Rowlf]

Hey Dave,

Thanks for your kind words in my journal! Really perked my day up :D

It's great to see you here and active. One of my things is Aikido - years ago the teachers would say to us, before and after gradings, that it wasn't whether we passed or not this time, but that we kept training. If we kept training then eventually we would pass. And whether we got a grade on the first or second or third etc attempt didn't matter in the long term at all. Since I'm now in my tenth year of training I can see the truth in that. And I think it's exactly the same principle here in recovery. Time and number of resets don't matter. The intention to keep going DOES matter. And you are proving that you've got that by being here.

Have a great day!

[dave42]

Gnein:

thanks for the part about just one grain passing through the hourglass. I like that, and I think I understand how understanding this would help lead to success. Thanks! I'm not sure I understand it, but I think you are saying that I should think about this moment that I'm in.

[dave42]

Thanks, Daniel for this: "With purpose and intention you can avoid that 'getting lazy' phase which will tempt you to allow certain things in." I think that it's purpose and intention that I've been lacking. I need to commit to staying clean. Thanks!

[dave42]

Hey thanks, Rowlf, for taking the lemons of my relapses and turning them into the lemonade of sticking with the overall plan. Aikido, huh? I liked this: "that it wasn't whether we passed or not this time, but that we kept training." I'll bet that was a great consolation to folks who really wanted to pass an exame and then failed. I really appreciate this story, Rowlf. I think this is so wise: "If we kept training then eventually we would pass." It's useful to think this way: If I keep on trying to stay clean, then a relapse, or in my case 9 months of relapses, is not the end of the world. I'm going to think about this idea some more in other areas of my life, so thanks again!