Dave42's Very Gay Journal of Recovery

[Crisodian]

Good luck dave! Hope all goes well with the exam!

~C~

[dave42]

Hi Everyone: Bad news: I fell off the wagon. It lasted for about 24 hours. Good news: I'm back on the wagon (I hope). I've talked to my partner. He was very supportive. Also, I passed my exam, so I think all of the stress of that is behind me. Thanks for your support. My plan: stay away from the computer. Enjoy this day.

[Crisodian]

dave,
I'm sorry you relapsed. But, you're back on the path and moving forward again. I am glad you were able to talk to your partner about the relapse and he supported you. I am also glad your stress level will start to drop now that your exam is over. That alone should help tremendously!

Great job on passing the exam and starting to move forward again!!

Be strong and find a path to peace,
~C~

[dave42]

I fell off again today. I know that this is a big mistake, everyone: I keep fantasizing that I can get back into the life of p and hookers and strip clubs. I want to go back to that world so, so badly.

Okay, but the reality is that I'm going to ruin my relationship, and then, once that is ruined, I'm going to financially ruin my life as a single man.

So, the plan is this:

1. absolutely no computer at home except in the presence of my partner for a very specific task.

2. At work, only use my office when I'm not alone.

3. My partner and I need, so badly, to get counseling. Our sex life stinks, and since his infidelity I especially haven't wanted to do anything.

This is crap. This is not a solution, David! Either break up or stay together, but without integrity, it's just not going to work.

I need to stay clean for the rest of today. It's already 5:17, and I'll be in bed by 9:30, so that's just 4 more hours. My partner is coming home, so it will work out.

[Crisodian]

I keep fantasizing that I can get back into the life of p and hookers and strip clubs. I want to go back to that world so, so badly.

Dave,
No, you don't, and you know it deep down, or you wouldn't be putting action plans in place for yourself. You need to try to tame that addict brain into accepting it is not going to get what it wants so badly. Hard. I know. All too well. As FM likes to say, "FOCUS".

Don't get trapped into the rationalizations and excuses.

I do think you are right on one point though, you need to decide if you are staying with your partner or moving on. IMO, you need to resolve that issue so you can move forward. Spinning your wheels in place isn't good. A counselor sounds like a very solid plan.

Good luck my friend!
Be strong.
~C~

[Vorlan]

Hey Dave,

I had to think long and hard about the third person who I wanted to thank for their inspirational kindness and dedication as per FM's New Year Challenge.

I decided you deserved it the most. Your battle with P has never been easy and you've had plenty of setbacks but this doesn't mean that you are any less worthy of praise than those who have been more successful.

One thing which has struck me about you throughout your journey is your determination to keep fighting; you havn't always been successful and have had plenty of relapses but despite this huge adversity you always got back up and kept fighting. That's not easy to do as I know from personal experience. It's all too easy to give up when things get tough and to forget what we are fighting for.

The second and even more significant thing which makes you worthy of praise and makes you an inspiration to myself and other members is how kind and helpful you've been to other members despite being deep in the struggle yourself. This selflessness is really valuble and I'm sure there are many on this site who's lives would be darker and more difficult if you hadn't helped them by your words and actions.

But I don't think that your inspiration should end here. When Obama accepted the Nobel Peace Prize he said that he would take it as a call to action and I hope you see this in a similar way. You've shown throughout your time here that you are capable of defeating this addiction. It's not easy by any means but it may be one of the most important things you do in your life.

I believe you can beat this for good Dave. You deserve freedom so take it.

Have a really great New Year buddy!

Best wishes,

Ben

[Pandora's Hope]

Dave,
You are kind, and wise, and have such great insight. Many times Statler and I would find ourselves referring to your posts as we tried to wrap our heads around this addiction and the recovery process. You "translated" the addict's point of view so that I could begin to see this process wasn't just about "fixing him", but that a modicum (or more) of the responsibility for recovery was on me, too. You were the first one who made it possible for me to realize my husband was hurt by his actions, too. Thank you, big hugs, and happy new year!~

[dave42]

Hello Everyone!

Happy New Year! Well, goodness, I'm really grateful to Cristodian, Ben and Pandora's Hope. What great messages to come back to! Yes, I have fallen off the wagon in a big, big way, --porn, chat rooms, money, strip club, more money, and hours of wasted time--but I'm determined to get back on today. Yesterday I "came to my senses" after about 3 weeks of pretty severe to extremely severe relapse. Thank you very much for your support.

[Crisodian]

dave!
Welcome back. I hope you will dust off the action plans and get back on the clean wagon for good! We're here for you! Be strong and keep coming back here.

I'm sad to hear you binged but now it is time to focus and get back on track. Welcome to a new year!

Peace,
~C~

[artguy34]

Im sorry Dave buddy... but now is a new year... time to pick yourself up and move forward!

You just have to believe in yourself! We do!