Dave42's Very Gay Journal of Recovery

[shockm35]

Dave,

You're an inspiration. Keep it up and celebrate everyday [P] free!

-shock

[castaway16]

Dave ! you must be at 40 days now, right ? Congrats man. :)
I liked the part where you said : "..I was back on the wagon for the millionth, and thought of writing this to remind myself.." or something like that.
I don't know what's that momentary mental blur that makes us forget what we went through to be clean for a period of time, and how badly we want to stay clean and free !
Stay strong Dave !!

[dave42]

Hey, Castaway, Shock and Rowlf:

thanks, guys! I didn't realize it was 40 days, so thanks, Castaway! It's a great feeling to be clean 40 days and 40 nights. Here is to a bright future for all of us. thanks for your support!!!

Dave

[dave42]

Talked with partner tonight about this site. We'd talked a month ago. I think it's a bit uncomfortable for him to talk about my situation. It's uncomfortable for me, too. sigh...nothing terrible; he's just not exactly "getting it." And I'm not expressing it well. Anyway, still going strong.

[dave42]

going strong. Too busy to misbehave. ah, but that's an illusion. It's a form of arrogance to say that. I'm glad I'm busy. I'm glad I'm staying clean, but the second I start getting too sure of myself, watch out.

hang in there, everyone.

[shockm35]

Too busy to misbehave.

Arrogant or not, I find it to be true. Who has time to look at [P] when there is a mountain of work to be done? Thats not saying I have not taken a look at some [P] before I mowed the lawn... but for the most part, if I have something else to do [P] is not really on my mind.

Stay strong and focus on the day.

[dave42]

Thanks for that, Shockm35. Well, I'm going to take your advice to stay strong and focus on the day. Thanks again for your support! Here is to mountains of work!

[dave42]

just a quick note to say, hello everyone. I'm staying busy and staying strong. I am also eating everything in sight. Hmmm...I think that it's time to get off my addiction to food. I think a food journal might be one approach. Got to get control of this weight problem. Probably could lose between 30 and 40 lbs. I'm about 230 lbs. but I'm 6'3", so I probably should weight about 190-200. Off to bed!

[dave42]

Nothing new to report. Well, something fairly minor: I was buying a birthday card and I checked out the "racy" ones -- all VERY innocent stuff, no nudity at all and humorous stuff. But I know that that kind of stuff is a trigger for me, so I have to stay away. I guess I need to be a bit more vigilant.

Anyway, staying strong, and it's been now about 50 days, I guess.

[dave42]

August 16 is the day I start counting my recovery from, so I think that this is day 51. Still in the vulnerable stage, I know, but feeling better and better about the likelihood of staying clean. The big, big, big difference this time: my partner is the administrator for my k9 filter. I'm not tempted like before. Having said that, I need to remember that there will be situations where I'll be around computers without the filter, so I really need to develop more strength. Glad the filter is there, but I need to work on other stuff to grow wiser.