The truth is painful - but required

[Charly22]

It's so tough to be able to hear the hard stuff. I am sure, with all the success you have been having with conquering this p stuff, and the confidence that you have had, it is probably something she did not expect at this point in time. Shoot, I imagine it is something YOU did not expect at this point in time. Probably caught her off guard, and I admire her for not lashing out or taking it as something more awful than it is.

Have you spoken these exact words to Inshi "Feel so damn lonely these last few weeks" ????

I hope your weekend brings sunshine and happines.....

Ya never what's around the corner

[FairyG]

Yep, what Charly said!

When both partners are stressed, sometimes it IS so much "easier" to point out the faults of the other, or to shut the other person out (consciously or unconsciously - and either way we end up feeling lonely)...and sometimes all it takes to change things is for one person to open up to the other and let them know what's going on. Never doubt that Inshi knows there something up...and if she's anything like most SOs, even after all this time and trust you've built up, the less you talk to her about it the more stressed she'll get about what it is. Sometimes that's how it is - who knows if this is one of those times, but it's worth a shot, isn't it?

Talk, talk, talk...

[Crisodian]

I'll ditto what FairyG and Charly said.

Inishi most likely already knows the stress is building and something is up. And communicating how you feel is soooo important. Even if you don't talk specifics, talk about how you are feeling. If nothing else, ask for a hug.

I have a tough time talking about things when I am feeling weak or overloaded. For the first time in a long time, I simply spit out that I was feeling very overwhelmed to AG the other night over dinner. Work, personal life, etc. all just building up ....

Previously, that would have sent him running for a fix and made him defensive. Now, he actually listens.

And, even though there isn't much he can do to relieve the stress in our lives, there are things he can do to help, and is doing (I might add...) even of some days the only roll he gets to actively play is to listen to me rant and vent. :D

I am confident he and I will continue to walk together through the hard times, just as I am confident that if you seek support from Inishi, she will give it, 110% as well.

I'll send peaceful thoughts and well wishes to both you and Inishi. Have a calm and peaceful weekend.

Peace,
~C~

[Dominus]

Ah FM, whats up man, take a chill pill. Whats the worst that could happen? You could completely flip and walk through the streets with an AK47.... ok bad illustration, but seriously I got so completely stressed about a year and a quarter back that I thought my head was going to explode, all these problems building up, staff letting me down, crazy, and eventually I refused to answer the phone, I said I didnt care anymore what happened. Guess what happened, NOTHING... Once I got over that stress hill I realised that it was no big deal, life carries on, things pick up, and it really helped me since not to get to psyched up about things, its not worth it.

My wife tells me to tell you that you are a very luvly and admirable man and not to be too hard on yourself. Your words and the words of others really encouraged us last night (my wife read all your latest posts in my blog) and things have picked up no end here in sunny Wales. It sounds like all the positive energy you expend in cheering others has left you drained and you need a little back for yourself.

Im no expert, but my advise is get Inshi some roses, get out for the weekend, take the little uns to the swimming pool or thorpe park or something, works wonders for busting the stress.

Can't take it away from you man, but we are with you in spirit.

Anyhow thats enough of my jibber jabber

Dom

[FoolishMind]

Thank You, Thank You and Thank you once more. I took the advice and attempted to talk again to Inshi, and she was a little calmer, and I we exchanged our valentines gifts and card last night, as we really needed that show of love. That really helped, I did open up, after ages and explained how everything felt like it was just getting too much for me, and instead of P, I was upset even more because I was comfort eating a lot, and I was smoking way too much, But then I chose those instead of P. Not ideal, but was the only thing I could do at the time. Feel masses better after that, and feel quite silly now. I keep telling everyone how important communication is, and I dont even practice what I preach sometimes. Stupid. Thank you all though, as probably if not for reading all your responses, I would have been stubborn and felt sorry for myself and just wouldnt have spoken for the rest of the evenining. So what was a really crappy friday, ended very nicely. Thank You.

I have neglected my eldest daughter so much as well, and felt so bad, Inshi was telling me that my daughter was so quiet last week, because I hardly had any time for her, and just this morning I had a nice chat with her, and Inshi said she hasnt been this lively and happy for the whole week. So Felt really bad, and will make sure I do not let that happen again. FM get your priorities right man!

Going out with the family today to do some retail therapy, always good for the soul, just very bad for the bank balance.

The power of TTF never ceases to amaze me. Forver Indebted.

FM

[Dominus]

So FM, how did the weekend go? Are you bankrupted?

[FoolishMind]

Hey Dominus, Yes really really good weekend, I actually just chilled out and really felt the stress ease. Took the kids to one of those indoor play areas with climbing frames and ball pools, and they enjoyed it loads, and really felt re connected to the family. Bankrupted! Close, but keeping head above water!

Thanks for checking in, looking over my last few posts, im clearly like a yo yo at the moment with ups and downs, so I hope I will settle down soon, but as of right now, im very much chilled out and focussed.

FM

[FoolishMind]

Over the last few weeks things have really picked up for me, and this was really on the back of a concious change to thinking.

For several odd weeks and mentioned in a few previous posts, I was really struggling with a lot of temptation that was bombarding my head. It started to really enter into my thoughts at work and at home. I could tell a lot of it was too do with stress, and my usual strategies did not work for me. This left me feeling quite fed up to be frank. But about two weeks ago, there was a moment where i was getting these images in my head etc, and I dont know why, and I really hope no one was watching me, but I actually imagined this so called monster or dual personality inside me, and I just for some random reason started talking to myself and fiercly questionning why I was doing this to myself.

Before anyone trys to section me under the mental health act, I assure you this is not a daily occurrence!

So there I was outside my office just getting some fresh air away from my computer and I kinda just said "alright what F*** is going on, Im over this, why are you putting all this all in my head"

Naturally there was silence, but I imagined I was really talking to the "other me" and i forced myself to answer 'myself' (if you are following me - well done!)

Trying to get my mindset into this was quite hard but then I explained that this is what I know, this is fun, this is exciting.

I just said No! It is not! It used to be, but honestly I dont want this, Im bored of it, I really am, I really really do not want to watch this fakery anymore. Im done, dont you get that.

I was then silent for ages, and I dont know if that was more "oh my god am I actually going mad" or did I need to have a talk with myself a long time ago?

I dont know, but its like I didnt have an answer for myself, and I had told myself so blatently and straight that Im done with this. its like the "other me" just got it!

now that was over 2 weeks ago, and since that "talk" ive not had a single thought, not a temptation, not a yearn for a oggle or glance. Nothing.

So is that it? well I would be confident enoug to say that, but I tell you what ive been on one hell of a tough journey over these 3 years, and i have learned so much about PA and specifically myself, and that day, for some bizzarre reason had an impact.

I really wanted to note in my journal, but had absoluetley no idea of how I would explain it. If I read this in someone elses journal, I would probably be going be8-} - so I get that if you are.

But thats where I am right now, and It honestly feels like my head is in a place that its not been before.

I shall keep on keeping on!
FM

[FairyG]

Hi FM,
Haven't been able to get on here for a while, but am grabbing a moment while the kids are self-amusing to catch up (again) a little...
Your last few posts were great to read, and I'm very glad you're having such success with talking your "other" self down (albeit at the risk of being carted off the local asylum for some quiet thinking time ;) ) and getting less stressed - well done!
G :)

[castaway16]

FM, I have huge admiration for your will power. Respect !

Also, if you want to feel better about yourself, I had had a very long talk between myself and myself on my journal. And it wasn't just a small "I'm done" conversation .. it was stupid and long, but it worked for a while at least. I don't think I'm crazy - but still, they all say so - so I'm probably not the right person to tell you you're not. :P