My Struggle - HalfPint

[HalfPint]

YaY . . . I've made it to 80 days. Thats 2 months 18 days . . . w00t . . . almost to 3 months . . . cant wait!!!!

[castaway16]

Wow man .. Claps :) ..

I'm new here.. and I admit that, everyone who said you're an inspiration is nothing but 100% corret !! I have read every single post on the six pages of this thread,'nough said :D !!!

I thank God in the first place, that he heped me find this forum, it really helps to talk to others about the problem .. and it couldn't have been better !

I also have to thank you and every member on this forum.. keep it up buddy!!

i'll keep track of my progress too .. i think it would help me a lot .. and it may (I really hope) help others as well ..

Oh and I would like to emphasize something you said .:

you said that whenever you felt an urge, you didn't act upon it, instead, you came here ..

I have always read that for a habit to be broken it should be replaced by another .. it just wouldn't "go" ... so well done, you've proved the theory correct and I think everyone else should benefit fom this


Good luck HP .. Good luck to me and to all the others as well :)

[HalfPint]

Before posting a reply to anyone else's topic tonight I thought I should post here and say how I did today. I have been successful through 86 days so far. Quite close to 90. today went fairly decently, however, towards the end I started letting my mind wander, just a little bit. I'm tired and when your tired your not as quick to be able to think of other things and I've had images/ideas of what I used to do and porn I used to look at. I've been struggling to fend them off so I came here. I though posting again in my journal would help me keep positive and to help me keep these images from ruling my mind. Anyways, I'm still going strong. 86 days is awesome. I think for the 27th of this month *my 3 month porn-free birthday* I'm going to buy myself a cd. Not half as expensive as what I bought last time but I'm saving my money to buy myself something special for my birthday *which is coming up in may*. anyways, thanks to everyone so far for your support.

[FairyG]

Good for you, HalfPint! Keep up the good (nay, great!) work :)

[hintongirl23]

You are one of my favorites HP!!! I love hearing from you and reading about your progress! Keep it up you are doing great! Everyday is a success. Yes, but a CD I love music. Get the soundtrack to Across the Universe, it is the one I want next!! You are totally awesome. :)

PS I hope you are feeling better, you were very sick.

[HalfPint]

Indeed, I am feeling better. Thanks to both of you for the encouragement as well. yes Hintongirl, I had been sick for about a month. Started out with a medium-sized cold, which turned into severe sinusitis *I was blowing green crap out my nose ALL day, not just in the morning* which brought on bronchitis and an ear infection. Antibiotics got rid of those only to bring out the symptoms of what was really going on in the background and that was mono *ick*. so now that thats out of the way I'm feeling much better, thank you very much.

Now . . . today marks day number 87. Also, and I'm not sure if this marks progress or not, but I had a strange dream last night. I'm not going to say the hole dream as all of it isnt relelvant. However, there was one point were, in the dream, I started masturbating, something I had dreamed a lot about when I first started my journey to being porn free. In fact the night of my second nocturnal emission theres only a LITTLE bit that I can remember about dreaming that night and the little bit I remember was me masturbating. However, last night durring the dream I remember in the middle of masturbating, instead of gjoing and finishing I stopped. I remember the me in my dream stopping and thinking "This is wrong, I made a vow to not do this" and I stopped. I had no nocturnal emission last night either. so I'm thinking that maybe I'm getting to the point where my mental strength is great enough to keep me from even dreaming this things. I don't know whether to look at it as this proves that I'm growing and becoming stronger or if its just something that happens. We will see I guess.

[HalfPint]

well . . . this morning I had a problem. For a while I have felt my sexual tension growing and growing. I have wanted to masturbate for a while. Now, don't get too worried, I didn't masturbate or look at porn, however, I did allow myself to think of images this morning which resulted in an "emission". I don't know if this one could be considered a nocturnal one or not, but all I know is that I could have prevented it. Now, I'm not depressed about it or anything, I actually feel calmer now and I feel more in control, but its just, it kind of reminded me about how easy it is/would be to go back. I'm having to fight back the thoughts of depression that keep trying to peck their way through right now. Its like the devil keeps trying to make me remember how dirty my past is, and all along I've been trying to help others realize not to look back. I don't know, maybe like dominus said to someone else may apply to my situation. Dominus said that maybe the reason that one can be stressed out and feel down is because maybe they have been spending too much time trying to help others and not focusing on trying to keep themselves positive. (something along those lines, if Dominus wants to correct me then hes more than entitled to).

I don't know, I just need encouragement right now. I don't think its going to turn into a problem of me going back to my old ways, but I Just need to not be depressed about things. With my 3 month porn-free anniversary coming up an all.

[castaway16]

dude.. you want encouragement ?? I was waiting for march 28th to celebrate with you your happy 3 months !! and I'm not saying this for the sake of a mere compliment ofcourse .. I really "DO" mean it .. I'm excited and very happy to see someone set free from such awful acts .. so please do not let those small "triggers" dig their way through your mind .. and I quote from Michael Moore something that I've just read today

"If you give the devil a bone he doesn't just go away - he wants the whole damn leg!"

so don't give him the chance.

HalfPint - or Bob, whatever you like more :) - you've set a real example here and have inspired lots of us, so, besides whatever positive changes you've noticed throughout this period, this should be encouraging enough !

Good Luck buddy ..

[eon8579]

You've always been supporting of my efforts so it's about time I visit your thread.

Almost 3 months! That's awesome! I'll be so very proud when I get there, it'll be the longest effort against mb + p I ever did (my record is 6 weeks).

About nocturnal emissions: I don't think you should fight that, nor the images that accompany it. It's a natural process to free you from excess sperm. Of course, as an ex-porn addict, it's a breach in your defenses; it's one you'll have to repair right after. And live with that.That's what men who did a vow of abstinence do, like priests.

Your diseases also reduce your moral strength, so you need to make your will extra granite for this period. Good luck! :)

[FoolishMind]

Hi HP,

The otherday, I posted in my journal, and was a kind of shouting out for attention / encouragement aswell. As you have said before we are very close in the timeline of our P free journey. And like you I have been on top of the world for ages, Last week, I was really confused, because I was feeling that natural high, and my day to day trials and tribulations were kicking in to full effect.

After some very helpful words from Dominus (as usual), I felt a lot more chilled. I just simply accepted, honeymoon period is over, and we have learned to counter our daily battles of temptation. This does not at all mean to be completley complacent or let your guard down, but reading everyones posts here on a daily basis, everyone in a different stage on their journey, it keeps it real for us, never lets us forget.

But like we have all agreed before, Yes acknowledge the past, learn and understand, But focus ahead to the rest of our life. My goodness HP, How far you have come, pat yourself on your back man, Read your first post and then look at where you are now....How can you not be proud of yourself?

Chin up and Stand tall and proud!

FM