My Struggle - HalfPint

[HalfPint]

Im right behind you on this HP! Seriously well done, I am about a week behind you in my own journey, and you truly motivate me. Thank you.

Dear HalfPint,

Just to say - you're a real inspiration and motivation to me and I'm sure that goes for many of us on this forum. I'm still in my first week, so well behind you. But I hope you stay ahead and I keep following at the same distance!

I'm really pleased for you that you are tackling this at this stage in your life. I wish I had confronted the problem at your age and not let this go on for 30 years or so. Things would have been so different.

But, there isn't much point in looking back. The future is ours, and it looks so much brighter than the past.

Keep going!

Clog.

Thank you for posting Clog and foolishmind, and thank you both for your inspiration. Its nice to know that I'm not the only one out there who struggles and its also nice to know that I'm not the only one thats trying to stop. Its been a real journey for me, a real bumpy one. I will hope pray for you guys to stay strong. I know its hard, especially only being one week into it. It will get easier, even though you may have times that are trialling. Although what ever doesn't make you stumble, will make you stronger. With each new temptation conquered comes a newer better strength to resist the next time.

Its been 4 days since I've posted and thats due to me being in college. Seeing as the last time I posted I was at 25 days clean, today I can say that Its been 29 days clean. 4 weeks and 1 day. Not quite a month yet. Tomorrow marks the 1 month of being clean.

last night and today have been kind of rough. I've been tempted something awful and I think maybe it is because I am making such a mile stone in my life. I've never been clean from both masturbation and pornography for 1 month. NEVER. Satan knows that I'm beating him and he wants to try to trip me up. At this point in my journey I've made it quite a long ways, compared to how long I've made it before, and if I fail now, which I don't plan on it, then it would be devastating to my struggle. As the saying goes the bigger they are the harder they fall, I guess that can apply to the length of time that I've gone with out. I struggled this morning while in the shower and I've just been struggling all day long.

As many have said, I need to keep looking forward, the past offers nothing but guilt and shame, and the future offers more than just hope.

I can hardly believe that I'm almost to one month. I cant wait. I praise God that I've made it this far.

[Light]

1 month! That's great man. You should do something nice for yourself, buy yourself something you really like, or go out for a nice meal to celebrate. Your friends don't have to know why :) I know it gets tough, but "this too shall pass"
Whatever occurs, never give up!

Stay strong HP! Congrats :)

Now might be a good time to set your next goal. 2 months? What will you do if (not if, when!) you make 2 months? Set up a nice reward for yourself when you hit that date, it will make things more fun and just a bit easier...

[HalfPint]

Wow . . . with school getting busy I have little to no time to post at all. Also, like I said before, on the other hand being busy keeps my mind occupied and everyone around here knows that having a mind occupied with things that are good like gold.

Thank you light for the kind words, the words of advice and the words of encouragement. I somewhat had planned to buy myself something but I didn't quite think of it as a 1 month gift. I bought myself a laptop and a nice laptop case to use at school and its paying off.

I never thought about celebrating like that, but thats a good idea. February 27th is coming up quickly. I should put aside money and make a list of things that I would like or would like to do and pick out something I should do for myself on that date. I really like that idea :D. I just created an event on my calendar labeled "freedom birthday" Marking the date of my freedom.

Now lets see . . . I haven't posted since the 26th. Today is the 2nd. So that means that I haven't posted for 7 days (if my math is wrong, please correct me). Seeing as the last time I posted I had been clean for 29 days, then today I have been clean for 29 + 7 which equals 36. I have been clean for 1 month and 6 days and praise God for that. It is getting easier and easier. The empty hole it was creating in me feels like its being filled with a more permanent material vs the stuff I was packing into it before. I dont feel the constant need for what I used to, and I'm not as depressed.

Its kind of funny, when I first quit I noticed I wasn't getting as depressed as easily. I was reading an article, one of the ones featured on the front page of this site in fact, that talked about the chemicals released in a body durring sex and afterwards. That after sex its likely for people to be depressed, sometimes. I had been looking at porn and doing other things for so long, and I had been doing it so often that it was effecting my emotions, and I didn't realize it. I'm not so edgy anymore, I don't get as offended by things and I don't get depressed when something happens. Its amazing. I'm also happier because I know that its not controlling me anymore that I'm controlling it, with Gods help of course.

Like I also said before, I am in college so I apologize if there are big gaps in my posts, like there was this last time. I will try to log on as often as I have time to post. It might have to be once or twice a week now because of how full my schedule is.

[HalfPint]

well . . . its been 6 days since I've posted . . . again due to college.

I guess I'll keep this post short.

Last time I said this "36 days I have been clean (1 month and 6 days)"

Today is 6 days after that, so that brings the count to 42 days (1 month 12 days).

And yes, 42 is the answer to the universe (to all those hitchhiker guide fans)

[clog]

You're doing a brilliant job HP. Well done! It's great to see your posts and to learn you are still going strong, particularly in moments when I feel vulnerable. If you can do it, I can!

Best wishes,

Clog.

[HalfPint]

Hello friends. Its been a while no? lol I'm learning that its not smart to take intro to piano and intro to astronomy in the same semester lol (They both require a lot of in class and out of class time).

Anyways, today is the 23rd where I am. The day that I decided to go porn free was on the 27th. This coming 27th will be the 2 month mark of my decision, and of course the 28th will be the 2 month mark of days being 100% porn free. As suggested I am going to celebrate both days on one day (due to my schedule) and I'm going to buy myself something nice or by myself some good food, or both. the 2nd month has gone by so quickly, its amazing. I thank you all who have been there for me during this time, and like I've said before I will continue to try to make posts as often as possible, but being that the semester is so busy, its going to be hard.

[Light]

Way to go HP, I was wondering how you have been since I haven't seen you online in a while. I'm glad to hear you are busy with more healthy pursuits! I hope you continue to drop by now and then, it is a real boost to hear your success story and I'm sure a motivation to others here. I enjoyed reading your comments on some of the other threads tonight.

Stay strong!

[HalfPint]

Way to go HP, I was wondering how you have been since I haven't seen you online in a while. I'm glad to hear you are busy with more healthy pursuits! I hope you continue to drop by now and then, it is a real boost to hear your success story and I'm sure a motivation to others here. I enjoyed reading your comments on some of the other threads tonight.

Stay strong!

Thank you. I appreciate your support as well. My success is astonishing/surprising to me. I never though that over coming something thats been ruling my life for so many years would go so smoothly. The other day I was hanging out with some friends and I was reminded of how easy it is to start lusting, we were in a bar playing pool and they had probably 20 tvs, and on the tv closest to us they had FX playing. Now, and I didn't realize it, but FX has some very, well, not well enough clothed individuals, that they show on there. All of the commercials that I saw had women in small bikini's and all sorts of stuff. I was reminded that the world today feeds on that, and that sex sells. It made me sad to think that you know, 100's of men out there are probably watching those commercials, enjoying them, and possibly doing other things as well, and it just really made me sad. It made me thank God for my success so far and at the same time I had to make sure to be careful not to keep looking because it could potentially make me stumble again.

Well . . . seeing as my weeks are so busy I celebrated a little early. I went shopping yesterday, bought myself some movies and some CD's that I had been wanting. That made me feel good about myself being able to celebrate that. I thank you for that tip.

Oh, btw . . . I've been in this forum for close to a month, I think its about time that I introduce myself a little more formally. My name is Bob (you can keep calling me HP, thats what some other people call me), but I just though that it was a good idea to let you know my name. Maybe it will help us to have, I don't want to say a more intimate, but a closer relationship that maybe will help me a little more in staying clear of the red zone.

bunches of thanks for everyone who has been following me on my journey and encouraging me the entire way. I think its about time that I start trying to do the same for others on the forum, seeing as I'm almost to the 2 month mark. You all have been helpful to me and I want to be helpful to others. Besides, I think trying to help others will help me help myself (woh, mouthful lol).

[Flamel]

Hi, HalfPint, and huge congratulations on your success so far! It's really inspiring to hear of your story and how well things are going for you. Thanks for sharing! I think that all of our stories and struggles are unique and complex and shouldn't be oversimplified, but if you had to give just one piece of advice on overcoming your addiction, what would it be?

I hope you don't mind me asking. I would buy you a whole pint in exchange in real life, but . . . ;)

[HalfPint]

Hi, HalfPint, and huge congratulations on your success so far! It's really inspiring to hear of your story and how well things are going for you. Thanks for sharing! I think that all of our stories and struggles are unique and complex and shouldn't be oversimplified, but if you had to give just one piece of advice on overcoming your addiction, what would it be?

I hope you don't mind me asking. I would buy you a whole pint in exchange in real life, but . . . ;)

My one piece of advice is this: Don't look back. Also to add to that piece of advice, don't get depressed and don't let a failure knock down your brick wall, rather let it add another brick to make it stronger.

As a Christian we are taught that satan likes to remind of us of our past to make us stumble again. Even if you don't believe in God this is a good tip to remember. Looking back at failure will only lead to more failure. Also if you let yourself get down because of one mistake it will make it harder and harder to keep getting stronger and stronger. You need to build your wall up rather destroy it with each stumble.

. . . Now . . . the main reason I got on right now (being its a college night) is I wanted to let everyone know here something. Lately I have been experiencing shortly before I go to sleep and during sleep partial images of the porn I used to look at. Tonight it got graphic and it was buzzing through my head and I kind of just let it. I don't believe I masturbated however I did . . . well . . . release. I'm not quite sure what to call it. I didn't touch, rub, push etc to force anything but it still happened. I'm not letting it make me depressed this time because I know that I'm not failing. this was just a small smudge on the radar. I just need to make sure to keep my thoughts under control. I'm going to continue to say that I'm clean because I don't feel like I masturbated (unless someone wants to correct me, in any means I'll admit that I did but I'm still almost 2 months porn free).

I'm going to continue to post on my success and I really need to go to bed now, its 1 in the morning and I wake up at like 6. 5 hours of sleep and I'm getting sick. Arg . . . life is great isn't it ;). Night all.