My Struggle - HalfPint

[Nordman]

That's great, man!

It's a great feeling being porn free. Relapsing is such a downer, and coming back to porn-freeness is the greatest of reliefs! I'm happy you're back. You're a tremendous resource for everybody here.

Cheers
Nordman

[HalfPint]

Thank you nordman, it truly feels great to be back and to be strong again. Its almost like I forgotten that I could move mountains and now I'm moving them again. *er, where did i put those himalayas*. Anyways, its almost like I've been dirty, and now, I just took a shower and its that feeling you get right after you dry off and you feel 100% clean. I'm loving it, I'm getting a high from it again.

[HalfPint]

Okay, so I watched an episode of a tv series, that was rated pg-13. It was another one of those "real life tv shows" that shows real people competing for an ultimate goal. Some of the people had to pose nude, they blurred everything out and I wasn't even turned on, and I didn't even masturbate, either way, to be safe, I'm resetting the number. I dont feel it a setback though.

However, I do wish to inform you all of something I have informed the other moderators about. I have been under some sever stress past one or two days. Just yesterday I found out that a friend from high school was killed in a car crash. The crash was caused by her own stupidity, she was street racing and didn't have a seetbelt on, 2 stupid things to do. Still though, she was a cool peson and I'm saddened for her family and because I liked her. Expect me to be cranky the next day or two, I'm stressed out and have even gotten a little depressed, so just an FYI.

[HalfPint]

Okay, so with the stress lately it was hard to not look at porn today, so I did. I masturbated to (and yes, I'm on the computer in my room again >_<). Oh well, get back up, try again.

[HalfPint]

Urg . . . stumbled again last night into this morning . . . I can't believe it, it getting too out of hand. I've got to start trying harder and nip this addiction in the bud again.

[castaway16]

Hello HalfPint,

I'm very sorry for your friend .. hope you get over it soon. However, I'd be happy to see focus back on your goals. maybe counting days of sobreity isn't important, I don't know .. but, I think if you just take a look at the 4+ months of cleanness that you achieved, you'll immediately realize that you don't really need this.
You could deal with your stresses before without watching P and even without MB, so you should now be able to do it. I know how tough it may get, so maybe you just have to find that thing that could keep you going even when you feel that it's not worth it.
And that thing doesn't have to be something extreme. It could be simpler than you think.
Sorry if I sounded harsh or something, I really don't mean to, I just wanted to help someone who's been a real inspiration here, at least a little.

good luck buddy,

Castaway.

[HalfPint]

thank you for the post castaway, and don't worry about being harsh. The main thing is, I just want to not look at porn, masturbate, or even feel the need to anymore. Its not that I'm depressed that I didn't achieve X amount of days in a row, I just want to be rid of it. Its eating away at my soul and my life and its painful, I just want it to be over with. I appreciate you trying to help, and every post does help. Sometimes I need a shaking to make me realize whats important, and sometimes I just need a friendly reminder, and right now maybe its that I need more of that rude awakening, if you know what I mean.

All criticism, as long as its constructive, whether or not it may be portrayed in a harsh way is welcomed. Everyone needs to be criticized, as long as its constructive and it alows you to be encouraged and it helps you know what your doing wrong and how to overcome your faults. And this may just be one of those times that I need it.

Thank you all for your (for lack of better words) thoughts reguarding the death of my friend. I may not have been the closest to her, and I didn't know her half as much as others, but she was best friends with some of my friends and she was a cool person, thats why it hit me as hard as it did. I'm getting better now, the depression is certainly subsiding, it crested on thursday, and I'm starting to feel better already, now to just get porn back under check.

[HalfPint]

well . . . seeing as I have a tension headache from hell, I cant sleep and acetaminophen isn't helping, I'm going to post. Today went well, I didn't stumble all day (just what happened last night into this morning). My mind didn't wander, I had no thoughts that I shouldn't have had, and I was able to stay on track. I haven't wanted to look at porn all day either. so, I would confider today a successful day. I just wish that I didn't have this headache.

Well . . . I guess I'll head to bed before I get into any trouble. Night all.

[Greenie]

Hey HalfPint,
great to hear that you are back on track I hope you'll get a break from the recent stresses in your life.

Greenie

[HalfPint]

Well . . . things are going well for me, somewhat. I'm doing good in the porn department today, but I still have a neck ache, and I think its related to the back problems I've been having. I'm just going to try to sit this one out and hope it gets better. I want to avoid a chiropractor if possible, never been to one and I hear their expensive, so I'll just stick to taking naproxen, and hope that it subsides on its own.

But yea, I haven't stumbled today and I've been pretty positive and able to stay focused, so its all good in that department.