My Struggle - HalfPint

[davids]

Hey halfpint, just wanna say I am thinking of you and your recent struggle. You have been a real inspiration to me and continue to .be.

I can really feel for you and have, just come out of a low period myself after falling back into p and mb, but I think you already know this.

This time I'm not going to dwell on how many days I can go p free, because that seems to give me a reason or excuse to go back to it as some sort of reward. Does this make sense?

Anyhow, i know you will come out of this, and be able to pick up where you left off. You have shown me true strength in your character.

Keep up the fight!

D

[HalfPint]

Hey david, thank you for the encouragement, every little bit helps. You've shown some strength yourself. It takes a lot of strength to get out of a hole you dug yourself into, especially if you dug a deep one. the thing is now, I'm at least having a clean day every now and then, it seems right now that I'll have a clean day or two, and then mess up a day, before I would look at porn and masturbate every day, so I'm at least trying now. Before I wasn't even trying. I just have to kick out that day every other, to every third day.

[HalfPint]

One last post for today.

Well, today went well, other than stumbling this morning. I had one other urge today but it subsided quickly. I was able to keep my mind in check, mainly because I've been hangin out here all day, its been fun. I'm getting back into the groove and it feels great. I want to thank foolishmind because foolish, you've been a wonderful help to me thus far buddy, you mean a lot to me and you have helped me see a lot of things that I'm doing wrong. I hope to talk to you tomorrow some. See you all later.

[castaway16]

Halfpint, welcome back :) .. I know I'm the one who has been absent, but I'm really glad to see your all-positive mentality back !

just a word about stumbling .. during the last 40 days, and on the last 2 relapses, I used to start thinking just before the relapse (why is MB or P wrong ? they might not be after all ) ofcourse, trying to justify to myself that there would be nothing wrong if I relapsed.

so, since these thoughts were not encouraging me to stay strong by any means, I came to a final thought that would help me a lot whenever I'm to think like this again. I told myself "you know what ? MB and P might not be wrong, but I want to quit them because I'm no slave to anything .. even if it's not wrong".

Ofcourse, when my head is clear, I know quite well how bad are those two, I'm jest telling myself this so that I would stop any bad thoughts of digging their way through my mind trying to convince myself that "there's nothing wrong with it" .. and I wouldn't write here what justifications I tried to convince myself with because I think they would have a negative effect on others.

anyways.. keep strong dude, it's really good to have you back :)

[Dominus]

HP, unless I am wrong - and I often am;), I believe the IP block on the firewall is for blocking or allowing the IP addresses of the computers that want to use the internet, not the sites themselves. Windows Vista, and I think XP have these type of bloxks that can be set up by the administrator.

[HalfPint]

Your partially correct. Every computer has 2 IP addresses (at least). They have an internal IP and an external IP. You are on 2 "networks" when your connected to the internet. Your local network and the global network. Your local network usually has an ip structure like 192.168.0.x (the x being the number the computer assigns to you). The reason for this IP is so that other computers and other devices, such as printers, routers, etc on your local network can know who is who. Each device has this address. After that IP, when your connected to the internet, you get a second IP, a global IP. this IP can be used to access your computer from anywhere in the world. if you open up internet explorer or fire fox and type in: 64.233.167.147 :exactly, then it will bring up google. That is one of their many IP addresses. If you find out what your internal IP is and you try typing that in, nothing should happen. If your at another computer and click "start " "run" then type in that person IP after typing in "\\" then it will open up that computers shared files. Newer computers, computers that have vista on them, use more IP's, they have, I believe, 4 IP's, an IPV4 and an IPV6 IP. IPV4 uses 4 strings that contain 255 bits or less (more advanced stuff) and the IPV6 uses 6 strings of higher bit count (you have more IP's this way).

So, if in my firewall I block IP 64.233.167.147, then I will have to use one of googles other IP's to access it.

**to my journal**

Last night I stumbled again (at least it was yesterday so I have today to be clean). Today is going well, I haven't had any problems thus far. Hope not to the rest of the day.

[HalfPint]

One last post before going to stare at the back of my eyelids.

Today went great, I've been having fun posting here, helping people, chatting with friends yata yata yata. I've also been enjoying firefox 3. The only thing I haven't been enjoying today, is porn, and of course masturbation. Hope this continues, it felt so good today to not look at porn. Gosh do I miss that feeling lol. Hopfully the continuation of a porn free life.

[DavidC]

hi man, good to hear that you are keeping it up

It has been like that for me as well earlier (and, yea, well, now as well -. im only 4 days free...) and i totally recognize the pattern. To be free a couple of days and then give in, and doing so over and over. How do you plan to break it? What methods have worked for you before?

I have seen here during the last days since i found this site and surfed through the posts that you are somewhat of a mentor here. If nothing else, you need to keep on fighting and finding new solutions for everyone in here that i have noticed looks up to you.

Now, dont get me wrong, dont feel pressured by this, but rather encouraged to know that we are all int this together and that you, apparently, is a motivator for others in here.

take care

/David

[HalfPint]

I have some things that work for me, and there are things that help others just as much. One thing that I do, and this is part of my Christianity coming out, is every morning I pray that God help me stay clean, and that kind of helps me. I did that yesterday and today and I have been clean both days, haven't had any thoughts on my mind and I feel strong and happy. Some people find out that saying to themselves in the morning "I'm not going to look at porn, I'm not going to masturbate today" helps out as well, almost like its embedding into their heads and they don't want to let themselves down.

Routine seems to help, its always good to keep your self busy physically and mentally.

[HalfPint]

yay . . . yesterday (seeing as its 2 in the morning now) went well. NO problems at all. I didn't have temptations and I didn't even want to look at porn. It feels so good to be porn free again, even if it is just for 2 days so far, wow, glad to be coming back, thats for sure.