My Struggle - HalfPint

[ShannonErin]

Congrats hun! Keep up the good work:)

[HalfPint]

Well . . . I looked at porn this morning at 1:30 2:00 and masturbated . . . oh well . . . I'll keep trying ;)

[Dominus]

I cant quite say I've ever felt this way before. I feel like I'm getting stronger with each day that passes, even though I may be tempted and may start to think about things I shouldn't, its not like it was before, now I can control those thoughts a little more

Someone admirable wrote those words, he was on a roll - shining out like a positive beacon and an example of hope to so many others. A man on a mission.

Focus on your goal HP. We don't quit porn because we want to go X numer of days without it, we quit it because we want to be a different person, a better person, a person with self respect and dignity. You must rid yourself of all opportunity to look at the porn and if that means chucking the computer in the skip then so be it. You can do it if you really want to, just dont give up....

[HalfPint]

Thanks dominus, that post meant a lot. See, I think my main problem last time was that I was focusing on x amount of days. Thats why when I fell I fell hard, and falling hard hurts. I'm slowly trying to make a come back. I'm actually feeling not depressed again and I'm working on my confidence again. I'm trying to be positive, really, I am. It might not be apparent but I'm trying. I've been posting more in here, so thats a good sign. Before I kind of quit posting for a while.

I'm trying, thats all I can say at this point, I really am trying.

[HalfPint]

Doin good today. Haven't had any problems with thoughts or images. Haven't logged onto porn or anything bad, and I haven't masturbated . . . w00t.

[HalfPint]

well, last night I ended up looking at some porn and then masturbated last night. However, today went well. No bad thoughts in my mind no masturbation. It makes me happy. I'm starting to feel a bit stronger even though I am stumbling more than I used to but hey, I'm still trying.

I did have a chance to take some magazines out of the garbage today while burning the paper garbage that had quite a few "risque" images on and in them but I didn't . . . yay . . . score one for the bob.

[FoolishMind]

So HP, When you slip up, What are you doing, fixing, learning to make sure that slip up wont happen again?

Who am I to re quote batman, But not only do you learn to pick yourself up again, You need to learn why you fell, so prevent yourself from falling again. Let us know the situations, triggers that is causing this to happen, and let try and patch these up.

All the best

FM

[HalfPint]

Normally when I slip up, its in the morning. I wake up and, for lack of better words, have a stiff and I have things on my mind. Like this morning, I looked at porn again, for the same reason. It was before I showered so I already feel "dirty" and I figure "heck, whats a little more dirt" and then I shower and feel better. It doesn't happen that way on school nights though. Sometimes I'll wake up shower, brush teeth what not, go to school come back and then every now and then something will pop into my head and I'll want to masturbate and/or look at porn.

[FoolishMind]

Ok so your temptation is normal. But it is clear where you have not plugged the gap. I assume your access to P is through your computer. You need a filter HP. I am over 165 days P free, I am telling you know The computer I am on now, typing to you, if it did not have a filter on, within the next 30 mins, I would be weakened and probably look at something that I shouldn't. Inshi advised me the other day, that there are a number of internet filter companies, who can set up the filter with an installation file, that has a preset password, so once installed, you cant get past the filter, unless you call the support line, and answer some questions. I think that will be a huge barrier for you, and within those few minutes of thought about calling the company, you will probably be swayed to not actually look at P. Think about it and let me know your thoughts.

[HalfPint]

I don't have money right now to be buying a program like that, and I'm quite sure that a program like that, which has assistance behind it, would cost money. Being I'm a college student, I'm in quite a bit of debt because of it, and I'm trying to be very careful with my money right now because I need to be, and I need to pay off the debt for college. I do want to have a program installed, but I have no one to install one.

However, I have been thinking, I do get my line through my brothers room, so it goes to his computer first, I think I'm going to set up a little quite computer that has a firewall on it that the internet has to go through that first, and then have my brother setup the firewall with whats called a white list. (for those who aren't tech savy) a firewall blocks IP addresses and Ports. When you try to access a website your actually accessing a computer, that computer has an ip address, and different programs (i.e. web browersers, instant chat, IRC) all use different ports, and thats different parts of the internet (different kind of information) somewhat. There are two different ways you can set up a firewall, one is with a white list, and one is with a black list. A black list blocks specific IP's and Ports while letting everything else through, a whitelist blocks everything while only letting specific IP's and ports through.

I might just give him IP blocks (websites normally have multiple IP's and their usually concecutive (i.e. 123.45.254.23 and 123.45.254.24) and thats an ip block, sometimes the last number can go from 1 - 255 (255 is the biggest you can go) and if you block the IP block you can't access the site at all. that would be a big thing because normally I only go to the same sites for my porn. If I block those sites then I wouldn't have any passion to go to them anymore.