My Struggle - HalfPint

[HalfPint]

well, last night I masturbated and thought of some of the pictures. Before that I was 2 days clean, I know its not as magnificent of a come back as I did before but I'm working on it.

[HalfPint]

Well . . . I finally found a way to stop me from going back to my computer to get those images.

As some of you may already know (if you don't you will now) I am a geek/nerd. I work with computers, have for most of my life, and plan on doing the same for a job. I actually help people out now and then with their computers, so I have gathered a selection of tools to be able to work on these computers, both physical tools and software tools. I have a tool that I can use to retrieve accidentally deleted data (it can be a tricky process) and possibly recover corrupted data and rebuild it. One of my BIGGEST problems, and when I say "biggest" I mean "biggest", is that I would go back to my computer and run these tools (that are meant for good) to retrieve this data that I had deleted from a day or two before (sometimes it would work, sometimes it wouldn't, depending on how long ago it was and a few other factors. I finally found a program that erases everything entirely so you cant retrieve deleted data, and it worked, it worked VERY well. So, I can no longer retrieve that data, I no longer feel the need to go back to it. Today I did good. I did not masturbate, lust, or look at porn. (oh, and don't mess around with these kinds of programs, you can REALLY REALLY mess stuff up . . . trust me . . . you can mess stuff up bad . . . I've done it before ;))

[FoolishMind]

I can kind off relate to you HP, I used to be in the IT industry, in mainly networks and security and have been an IT manager for some years, This constant access to computers all around, really didnt help me. I remember implementing websense, which stopped access to anything untoward all over the company, But I obviously made myself exempt to the filter! After I changed career, It did drop a little but most definatley not significantly enough. Anyway what am I saying, I am not saying quit IT, as there are hundreds and thousands of IT geeks that do not abuse P. But obviously those that do have an addiction need to be extra vigilant, and I think a very good manager of time. i.e. dont be on a computer if youve got nothing else to do. you know all this already anyway.

Nice to see you back and posting, But am waiting for the REAL HP to come back in full effect, I dont like the slight defeatist voice i hear. so drop the nerves, draw a line, and step back up ok. You need positivity, that has fueled your journey for so long, so as far as im concerned that this the fuel of success, works for me buddy, and it will work for you.

[HalfPint]

yea, being positive is certainly something I need to do more of. I've been trying not to let things get me down, and actually I've been doing better with that lately, I just have to get the masturbation and porn back under control. I'm definitely not doing it half as much as I was, and I see that as a success. I need to quit it fully, however. I did masturbate yesterday morning (its 1:14 am here right now, so its a new day) and it didn't bring me down, I wasn't depressed about it. I do need to post more often, I need to be trying to help others and through that, I'll be helping myself. Posting will help me a lot as well.

You have been nothing but encouraging, however, foolish, and I appreciate that. If it wasn't for you, I think that I would have dropped this forum all together. completely. I'm trying to get life back into check, I just have to work at it a little harder.

[HalfPint]

well, I was hanging out last night with friends at the pool hall, shootin some pool and I got home at like 1 this morning. I did decent for the day but at 1 this morning (to me it still seems like yesterday) and I masturbated. Oh well, Keep tryin ;)

[dave42]

Halfpint:

You have been such a HUGE help to me and to many others. I hope you are doing okay! When you wrote this: "I need to be trying to help others and through that, I'll be helping myself," I really agreed! Of course you are the PRINCE of helping others! I agree: every time I come here and try to write something useful, I go away feeling energized. So keep up the good work.

All the best,

Dave42 (although I just turned 43!)

[dave42]

Hey, Halfpint, another great thing about you: when you have stumbled, you've told us. That is golden, right. I hope you realize how important that is. I think we all fail at stuff constantly (in this case, there is more at stake because it's an addiction, of course!), but the great thing is being honest about it.

Hang in there!!

Dave

[HalfPint]

Thanks dave, I appreciate it.

Yea, I think that I'm on the right track. I know one thing, and thats that I keep on trying even if I do stumble. I may be stumbling but I'm not giving up and I'm not leaving the forums, in fact I'm trying to come more often, even if I don't stumble.

So . . . today I did fine. I think I posted some stuff earlier today (been runnin tired all day so thats why I can't remember 100%) so just kind of an update that I'm still doing fine.

[HalfPint]

well, today I maintained cleanness, so my counters at 1 right now. today went well, no troubles, so hey, just thought I'd let everyone know. :)

[dave42]

You are great, Halfpint! Keep up the good work. When you wrote this: "I'm trying to come more often, even if I don't stumble" that really helped me. You are sticking with it, whether you stumble or not, and I really admire that. It has got to be tough place you are in, but you are a tough cookie! One thing you can know: by picking yourself up, you are setting a good example for the rest of us.

All the best,

Dave