My Struggle - HalfPint

[FairyG]

I don't often have a reason to post here, but I had a minute and decided to read your latest. I have to say, it's really good to see you back and showing more of your optimistic resilience again, HP :) Exams and other stresses can really take a lot out of you anyway, let alone when you don't have your previous "stress relief crutch" to fall back on, but you've done really well despite all that! Keep posting, and you'll find yourself back in the habit of being here (and being happy here) in no time :)

[HalfPint]

well . . . I stumbled today. Last night into this morning I was playing around with a program that opens up random websites (its a thing you do if your bored) and apparently some of my old settings came back to haunt me. It brought up some risque images and I just kept going then this evening the images of the websites I used to go to flooded my mind and I just let them take over so I went back to the sites >_<.

Oh well . . . I guess that just goes to show that I'm only human and I'm imperfect. Like I always say, mistakes are there to help us learn and I won't let this bring me down ;)

[Vorlan]

It's a shame to hear of your stumble HP but it's encouraging to know that you're still confident and your going to learn from your mistake. You are an inspiration to everyone here,

Thanks,

Ben

[FoolishMind]

HP, just to let you know were missing you dude.

FM

[HalfPint]

trust me foolish. I miss myself.

[AnxiouslyEngaged]

Sounds like you're having it a little rough, right now, HP.

I don't know if it will help, but read the latest few entries in my journal. This is hard. It's very, very hard. We've known this, and it's not going to change.

But it's certainly not reason enough to give up! There are a lot of people here, including myself, that miss your frequent, positive influence. We both know that the more often you come here and contribute, the stronger you are in this incredibly difficult struggle. That's the trick--because the fight against P never gets any easier, the only hope we have is to get stronger. Sounds like you could use a boost.

I'll be praying for you, big guy. And, if you get a chance, I'd be grateful if you would return the favor.

AE

[HalfPint]

Thanks anxious, I appreciate the post.

In reply to your statement, yes, it has been quite tough for me this last week. Since my post stating that I had looked at porn there hasn't been a single day that I haven't looked at porn. In fact, today is the first day that I haven't since then. I have been quite reluctant in coming back due to my depressive nature and because I have failed so many times. Part of my reasoning for not posting is also because I was afraid that since so many people, in a sense, "looked up" to me, that hearing that I had given into porn so deeply (for a whole week) that it might affect them as well. I realize now that I need not think about that, that it shouldn't be an issue, I just need to start posting again and look at all the days I accomplished in being clean.

I can't say how much the prayers mean to me right now and you can count on me "returning the favor" as you said. I also look forward to posting more often and continuing the journey of being clean.

[fuzzball67]

Part of my reasoning for not posting is also because I was afraid that since so many people, in a sense, "looked up" to me, that hearing that I had given into porn so deeply (for a whole week) that it might affect them as well. I realize now that I need not think about that, that it shouldn't be an issue, I just need to start posting again and look at all the days I accomplished in being clean.

HalfPint,

Don't ever worry about people looking up to you keep you from posting your own issues. This is a healing place for everyone. And you having to struggle does not make any of your other advice any less relevant.

I'll add you to my prayers as well.

Fuzzball67

[HalfPint]

well, yesterday and today I've been clean. Today I slept in till 12:30 lol and then was doing stuff around the house and downtown today so I was kept busy, which was good. I feel like the tug is gone again (for now at least) lets just hope it stays that way. Again thanks for the prayers, the thoughts and concerns, it means a lot to me that you all are thinking about me and wanting me to come back and keep posting. I'm trying, really, I am, and I hope that I can start my fire back up from the ashes.

[Nordman]

HP, so sorry to hear about your relapse. It is like being downtrodden under ones own feet. And getting up is tough. But you don't have any choice, HP. You have to get up and continue your porn free life. You know that, because it's the only way to live your life like you want to. And don't worry about having to reset your ticker. What is four months in a lifetime?

Welcome back HP!