My Journey - Glovert's Journal

[glovert]

Hey I'm Ted G. Joind TTF about a week ago and been reading the resources. being only 16 i'm already dealing with P and MB addiction, and it affects my studies a lot, and of course, my relationship with God. Trying to break it, but as a teenager its an extremly sexed up world with sexed up friends in it -so its hard. Decided to start a journal instead of just posting messages on my webpage. hope to post everyday, Thanks

[glovert]

31/8/08

Yesterday I was surfing the web and somehow it strolled onto a pornographic website. I was enticed to view more of it but rememebered what I am aiming for and shut down thecomputer instead. Having the computer in my room is tough but i am so far managing to stay on top of it. i wanted to ask my parents to remove it from my room - but then questions would pop up as to why - instead i just leave the door wide open when using the net, which is working so far. i have the mindset right to beat this, but my eyes and my body just do't want to cooperate. When school and the sex-talk resumes tommorow it would be even harder. There are a few Christian friends i have in the school that know what i'm going through but problem. They are really not friends with my close friends. Easy solution - get new friends right? But, i just can't get rid of ppl i've known for so long and thati enjoy being around. Anyway, that's 2day

[glovert]

Today was alright. With so many examinations u kinda forget about P and MB for a while i guess. But i've come to realise (esp tiday) that to change i ahave to rethink waht I say to ppl and how i react to certai things. Every day however it just get worse. With what i hear and see, I am more tempted than ever to watch P and MB. I'm starting to be doubtful as to whether I can stop my urges for this long.

[glovert]

After 4 days (again ) i have failed.. just had too many urges. HELP PLEASE one or two days are easy but any long term goals seem impossible - need drastic measures

[Little lock]

Hey Glovert. Sorry for the slow reply. The forums seemed to have stagnated of late. Anyway, I just want to tell you, long term goals ARE possible. Yes, they are possible to achieve, even if you are a teenager living in an extremely sexed up world. How do I know this? Because I am a teenager(14, to be exact) and I managed to go 40 days clean before falling. Now, I'm one day shy of the two week mark.

Well, fighting off p-addiction is actually very simple, but very hard. Ultimately, when the urges strike, its down to two things. How strong is the will of your urges? And how strong is your own willpower? Its a clash of wills, really. And that is what makes it so darn hard. Many people cannot sustain their willpower for so long, and cave halfway through.

I hoped that helped. You can try looking at the other journals as well. They're really hepful.

[Daniel]

glovert,

I applaud you in that you are taking action and attempting to get serious about ridding yourself of the P addiction. Believe me, this is the right move to make. Years of it will only multiply your misery.

It's true that our culture is completely sx saturated. P is being mainstreamed. We are told it is 'normal' etc.

But we know better.

P is a DESTROYER.

It destroys everything that is important to you: peace, joy, security, self-confidence, self-respect, it slowly kills the Real You and prevents you from becoming the person you want to be, delays your dreams, etc., etc.

Develop a plan of attack. Exactly what makes you fail? How will you avoid it? Are you willing to get Radical? To take Radical Measures to handle a Radical Problem in your life?

I know these are tough questions. I faced them too.

Divide the issues into a Short Term "How" problem and a Long Term "Why" problem.

We can help with the How. Note FoolishMind's post on how to not relapse (see my signature). This is extremely good advice.

The "Why" question may take years to figure out and is not really as important in the short term.

The Big Thing now is to focus with everything you've got to stay clean.

As you emerge from the fog of P, you will begin to see things more clearly than you've ever seen them before.

You can do this glovert! We're with you.

Daniel

PS: Go to the Journals. A ton of wisdom there. Many have gone down this road ahead of you and freely offer incredibly valuable insight on how to win against this thing warring against your soul.

[glovert]

Thanks Little Lock and Daniel esp for your advice and the links you provided. Today, a strike was on but I was too tired to even think of doing much anyway. i realis that willpower and planning was something i lacked in my relapse yesterday and I will try my hardest to overcome this. i'm gonna do short term goal and aim for a P and MB free September. This is Day One

[glovert]

Today I was lucky, very little temptations on a very ordinary day. I did however talk to someone with opposing views to Christianity and talked to them bout why I believe what I believe. Overall, the second day through was rather easy but I pray the next one will be as easy :)>:D<

[glovert]

Third day lucky - no P and no MB. Today was a little more tempting as ppl in my class were playing P vids on their phone on full blast (substitutue teacher - feel srry 4 them :( ) , but I just concentrated on my work and amazingly it worked. I also realised today that some of the Islamic kids were off P as well for ramadad, which also meant less sex-talk in general and temptations overall. So far i haven't made the mistake in tempting myself through lustful images or thoughts which lead me to P and MB, which have definately helped.

[Little lock]

Nice to know you're doign well Glovert. And aobut the ramadan thing, there's just this thing I notice about Islams in that their religion seems to play a very big part in their life, and that there very involved in it. Maybe its something we could learn from.

Oh, and thanks for the message you left me:) Good luck for day 4