Onward: Daniel's Journal

[livada]

Daniel, indeed.

Isn't it incredible how Satan managed to persuade us to contribute to this carnage, to be - let's face it - dependent on its pack of lies?

Its as if we - implicitly - approved of what the industry was doing behind the scenes, and perpetuating sufferings of those caught in the fire.:(

Never, never again shall we fail! Ameen.

Thanks for eye-opening post once again. Keep it up.

To the freedom...

[glovert]

It really is sad that P benefits no one and never will. It affects everyone from the people involoved in production to the consumer, and all to survive in what seems to be sometimes a greed filled world. But when looking at those figures, you really start to think " Was that what I was promoting?, Do I honestly believe in those kinds of values?" LIES LIES LIES that's given to us "That abused person could be my neighbour, friend or even sister?" - P is one of the reasons the world just dosen't seem fair.
Thanks 4 the post

[Looking4light]

That is truly sad. Such pain, such sadness and misery, it's such a travesty. A perversion of the soul. I was blind to the obvious as i'm sure we all were. Throwing light onto the darkness definitely makes you see the grave reality of this sorrowful addiction and on this sick industry only to willing to eat it's own to make buck at everyone's expense. No matter who they hurt or how many. Pray for us all.....

[Daniel]

I'm not much of a planner.

I tend to do things randomly, off-the-cuff, spontaneously, etc. And I think this personal habit may have been squarely in my way back in the day when I struggled mightily to get clean and stay clean from P.

Of course this makes me wonder if the rest of the TTF family plans well...

We can careen through our life without planning if we have to. And it may even be fun for the extreme non-planners (like me) to improvise at the last second and squeak by.

But an honest look at some stages in life (moving into a new place, leaving for school, starting a job, studying for a test, planning a party, keeping appointments, etc.) will show that we could have never done it if we didn't plan.

So how much more important should the planning be around our P-free sobriety?!

For me, to not have a plan is simply putting the old cliche to work: 'if you don't have a plan you're planning to fail.'

Early on in the darkest days of recovery, the plan is extremely important. Later, as the ferocity of attacks subside, the frequency decreases, and the seasons of attack stretch out, the plan is not as important but can be revisited, adjusted, etc.

I am thankful for the revelation of planning. I owe a lot of it to Mrs. Daniel as she is a consummate planner mostly because she has to be. It sometimes drives her crazy that I tend to improvise instead.

But with P, improvisation and simple "react mode" will just not work.

I have to (and had to) get out of my 'improvisation comfort zone' and challenge myself to take concrete steps to fulfill my particular plan, and stick to it.

This is something that I just can't stumble through and hope to make it....

Peace to All, and Here's to Your PLAN!

Daniel

[FoolishMind]

Excellent post Daniel, I used to be very much of a spontaneous moment dude, but its those sudden spontaneous thoughts, that got me in trouble in the first place at times. So yes Planning is essential, and that is why I started this journey with a key strategy.

This may sound silly, but you also have to plan for the things you cant plan for! I.e. what will you do when something triggers you that you havent plan for etc.

I think youve challenged yourself very well up to know, so you should really be proud of yourself.

Good Plaaaan Batmaaaan!

FM

[Little lock]

Yup, I can relate to being a spontaneous moment person. That's me:) I cram for tests, do homework at the last minute and pack for a holiday on the day itself!

Still, like what FM said, that habit has been getting me into alot of trouble. So here's what I try to do. Before I go to bed, I do a quick mental review of the day to see where I went wrong, what were the sucesses etc etc. Then I try to anticpate the possible situations that might happen the next day, and come up with a plan to counter them. Its simple, and doesn't takes more than 15 minutes. To me, its time well spent:)

Well, good luck on your journey and stay strong.

[futurehope]

I don't want to suppress my spontaneous, wing-it, fly-by-the-seat-of my-pants side. I love it. For me, spontaneity has to take place within boundaries, some sort of container. Moral guidelines, I guess you could call them. Then within that container you can be really spontaneous. Sometimes you overstep the mark and have to rethink things. That's the risk you take, I guess...

[Daniel]

I don't want to suppress my spontaneous, wing-it, fly-by-the-seat-of my-pants side. I love it. For me, spontaneity has to take place within boundaries, some sort of container. Moral guidelines, I guess you could call them. Then within that container you can be really spontaneous. Sometimes you overstep the mark and have to rethink things. That's the risk you take, I guess...

FH, yes, EXACTLY! You sum it up perfectly.

FM also mentioned it: to have the spontaneous aspect engaged but not letting it run wild.

I can remember having been clean and recently re-committed to being clean and relapse just because of a single thought the came into my mind and I "ran with it". Unfortunately it always went to the same pit.

We can have our crazy un-planned fun ways of living but when it comes to PA, we must plan...

All the Best,

Daniel

[livada]

Hello all.

Daniel brought up this very important point of spontaneity as a cause to watching P. I can totally relate to this. As in, there used to be times when just a random P thought would pop up (not particularly pressing) and I would naively follow it till it got stronger and stronger and had me end up where I didn't want to go.

Hence, I'm sort of wanna-be planner. I raised the issue with my counselor the other day, and we went to explore it deeper. The result of this was that I realized that it applies to many things in my life - I want to be complete.

I want to finish the book I start reading (even if I don't like it), I want to pursue my hobbies constantly, I want to complete started projects and so forth.

I want to feel and act complete and true in all my relationships: with God, with myself, and with people whom I love and admire.

And there has been a single largest stumbling block that prevented me in doing so - P addiction.

On to the freedom:)...

[Daniel]

This will be my first crack at an outline of stages of PA recovery I've noticed in myself first and then recognized in the posts of nearly everyone.

It seems that the Journey to Clean-ness can be divided up into various stages with fuzzy boundaries.

By no means does this mean all experiences can be neatly categorized.

Far from it. For every individual impacted by PA there is a unique mix going into the personal motivation to recover and stay that way. If you want out of PA, like we all do, then you know the reasons.

I think it's fair to say we all can recognize these Stages if we stopped in our marathon and gave it some thought.

And this can be a collaboration, I certainly do not have a corner here. If you think of another stage just put it in the reply and we'll build it up and who knows, put it in a permanent place perhaps.

The main reason I want to get this out there is I see many of our people struggling through these areas and it would be a neat feeling to review the stages and say

"Oh. What I'm experiencing right now is normal for where I'm at... and here's some tips I may be able to use to stay clean as I go throught this stage..."

"pre-STAGE": Relapse

STAGE 1: REALIZATION

• P is a destroyer
• using P damages me personally in numerous ways
• using P can potentially ruin my personal relationships
• I want P out of my life and I want help and support

STAGE 2: EUPHORIA

• I CAN BE FREE, and it feels great
• I have gone ___ days clean and it's unbelievable
• I am getting my life back
• I can't ever imagine going back to P

STAGE 3: INDECISION

• The old urges are back and stronger than ever
• If I don't give in I will lose my mind
• If I give in the pressure will go away
• Maybe I was wrong to think of giving up P forever

STAGE 4: COMBAT

• I will identify my triggers and work hard to avoid them
• I will work hard to reprogram my thinking away from P and objectifying
• I will be accountable to a person or people who care about me and my freedom from P
• I will reduce my fight to a minute-by-minute battle for my mind if that is what is required to not fall

STAGE 5: MAINTENANCE

• The old urges and compulsions are reduced or gone
• The euphoria is gone but I notice I feel much better as a person
• I cannot let my guard down and need to have a hyper-sensitivity to ANYTHING that can make me fall
• My freedom from P is an integral part of my new life
• I have developed and continue in healthy life habits that reinforce my freedom and allow me to enjoy my new life more than I ever thought possible

That'll do for now.

I realize that these 5 stages are solely focused on the P addict.

The SO is not factored in but is an obvious beneficiary if the PA is in Stage 5.

MB is also left out. For some P & MB are tangled up and are treated as one issue. For others P & MB were separate or can be made separate and there is no moral conflict.

If at some point the PA has a relapse, I submit that the process starts over from "pre-Stage" but moves rapidly back to combat then maintenance, skipping the Euphoric Stage 2.

And the time length of any of the stages is highly variable.

For me Stage 1 and pre-Stage was roughly 18 years long. This was the sin-ask-forgiveness-repent-sin-ask-forgiveness-repent cycle ad nauseum ad infinitum.

My Stage 2 lasted about 3 months. It was glorious as I felt completely untouchable by P or any thought of it.

I am currently in a mixture of Stage 5 & 4, more of the former. Sometimes I'm in 4 more if I'm fighting thought-life or trigger issues. Once I have a plan or method, then back to Stage 5 to put it to work...

I really hope this helps. It helps me at a minimum.

Victory!,

Daniel