As a recovering PA, what advice would you give to someone who is trying to quit?

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"As a recovering PA, what advice would you give to someone who has just decided they want to quit using pornography?"

[Vorlan]

As I always say and as is said by so many others the most important thing is to keep positive, to take it one step at a time and to never, ever, ever stop moving in the right direction whatever happens.

I may have to come back to this thread :)

Ben

[bananaman]

Put a filter on your machine! As FoolishMind said (i think) you wouldn't learn to ride a bike without stabilisers likewise when it comes to quitting p a filter is your safety net.

[Little lock]

I think proper planning would be very important for any recovering PA. And also having a never-say-die attitude. I think that's important as well, since we need to be able to get back fast when we relapsed.

[FoolishMind]

My advice would be:

"Dont try and quit, just do it. Say it will be, and it will be! If you want to change your life, You need to get out of your comfy zone and make the changes happen. Change will not come to you"

If all else fails, just slap em in the face with a wet salmon and tell em to go fish.

[guitarwhiz56]

Among some of the other things people have alread posted, I'd say the following:

It's not an easy addiction to get over, so don't expect the recovery to be easy. You've got to really commit to your recovery. I've had relapses but, just like right now, I've gotten back on the horse after I've fallen off. If a relapse does happen, don't let it put you in a state of despair, because it's not the end of the world. Just get right back on and try again.

[Daniel]

These are in no particular order and please remember they have worked for me, I hope they work for you, take or leave as you see fit.

1. Stay busy. It's the downtime that'll get you. Keep it to a minimum, anticipate when you'll have it and plan to be where the temptation to view P will be difficult.

2. Develop healthy habits. Before P, if there was ever a time, did you have a hobby or sport or favorite thing to do that P has robbed? Go back to this thing and pursue it. It will use up downtime and help put your mind on something else, plus untold myriad fringe benefits.

3. Eye control. As a recovering PA I have found it helpful to not eyeball, body-scan, whatever you call it, women when I am in their presence. Sights can lead to thoughts which can lead to actions that can lead you down.

4. Thought control. "As a man thinks, so is he." Carefully sort through your thought life and discard the destructive ones. This is hard and it's a continuous process. But it is well worth the effort as your thoughts clean up the urge to do P is diminished.

5. From their perspective. This is a new one to me and partially brought forward by my wife: all of the actresses and actors in the P industry -they were at one time innocent with hopes and dreams and parents or at least relatives who wanted them to have a great life. As P users we are shown only the glitz and glam. On the other side is a trail of unspeakable destruction and misery. Thinking that I will perpetuate this if I look at P helps me to not look at P.

6. PC use. I now use a laptop and only in the wide open spaces of living room or kitchen etc. This works for me as a I have a family. For those on their own I suggest not using the PC in private at all if they can do it. Even putting the PC away or not using it at all if possible. I also use Covenant Eyes with my history sent to my wife each week. This is a safety net.

7. Start a journal. This is mentioned and encouraged on TTF thus I won't belabor the point. Watching your progress to stay clean is itself a motivation.

8. Manage your expectations. I was a P off and on for 31 years. Should I expect it to turn off overnight? Probably not. One step at a time. One victory at a time. Mark your progress. Count your days. Keep track of your clean-ness but don't let it be your end-all feel good barometer. Rules, regulations and numbers at the end of the day are not what makes for a clean life and mind. Do the right thing and the numbers will follow.

9. Tell others. If you have a close friend or family member you can really trust, tell them about your PA. The relief I expereinced when I told my friends and family was enormous. P's power is greatly broken down when the veil of secrecy is lifted.

[Gary]

If you have urges for P: Think about how difficult this will be on an (existing/new) relationship. How will it interfere? What if they find out? What if P has gotten so far out of control that you may find real intamacy unattractive or unpleasurable?

These are questions that come up with every potential relationship that comes my way. It is why I am single. It's an awful feeling, but these questions are one's I ask myself. I know the answers. They aren't pleasant to hear but when I admit the truth to myself they are what keeps me strong. Strong enough to resist P. Strong enough to find a REAL relationship - not a digital one.

[glovert]

Planning. Plan how ur going to use the net and for how long

[Little lock]

Oh, I have a new one. Don't lose hope. It sounds simple. But most of the time, after a few relapses, especially for first-timers, we can get so down and trashed out, we lose hope and forgot that it is ever possible. Sometimes life throw in a few problems into the mix as well and we can feel totally washed out.

But remember, the main reason why we have hope is that nothing endures. Everything changes. So when you're down and out and wondering if your troubles would ever end, I'm telling you, they do.

So many people give up before reaching the finishing line, when in truth it is much closer than it appears to be. Sometimes it might be further then we think, but if we keep holding on, we will make it. We have to. Its a law.

And if the going gets tough, never give up. I know this sounds wearisome, but I won't keep saying it if it did not work. Just ask yourself, is the end reward worth sticking through all this? If we don't know, then just take a step at a time. Moment by moment. Everything has a purpose, its just not revealed to us yet. Want to know what it is? Then just hold on.

Like Thomas Paine said "That which we obtain too easily we esteem to lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price on goods."

And most often that price involves a simple refusal to not buckle, to go on when going home would be the easier choice. Since you've already come this far, why turn back? Why not go on?

I hoped that help:)