Someone, please help me!

[Dane]

Hi! I'm a Norwegian guy so sorry if my english ain't perfect :)
I have a big problem with porn addiction...

I started looking at porn when I was about 14 years old. It started out with somesex releated shows on tv and porn on the internet. And as you know, internet only gets faster and cheaper. Now I'm 24 years old and happily married! :) But still looking at porn...

I have been trying to stop sins I was about 17 (I think). I have told myself;
"-This time, I will make it! I will stop, never more!!!"
500 times I'm shure. But I just can't...

I am a christian and my whife doesn't like me looking at it so I've got reasons to quit.

I think that watching people having sex is WRONG and I almost never look at that!
The thing I "like" to see is just beautiful girls, naked ore almost naked. I love it and I hate that I love it... The thing that makes this really complicated is that I don't think that the porn I'm looking at us wrong, it's just that my whife doesn't llike it. So it's like I'm trying to quit for her sake, and not mine. And that makes it so hard! Qause I want to continue with it! The only bad part is that, when I search for porn, I start out looking at soft pictures that are "okay". But often ends up looking at lesbian porn and stuff. Caouse thats beautiful to, but it's wrong!!

I kept me addiction secret from my whife for many years, and when I decided to tell her she got really really sad. That's the number one reason that she don't want me to look at it now, because I used to lie about it.

I still do it, without telling her. About 3 times a weak, I stay up after she goes to bed to look at porn. I can add that I allways masturbate to it. I was addicted to masturbation when I was a teen, but I got ridd of that! Pjuh... :)


What can I do? How can I quit doing something I don't wanna quit? (But in the same time, really really do!)
Can you help me please??

This got to be a really long post and I hope you guys read it.

[Dane]

The email I've registred here, is an adress I've used for porn.
It ain't the email I use daily.

I just emptied my inbox so I don't have any more passwords left!
I hope thats a good thing.

And I've started a journal here: I'm trying to stop this madness

[stingerD39]

Hello, and thanks for seeking help. Welcome.
Being the partner of one who has an addiction, I feel it is best to explain why your wife is upset. It's basic biology really. Women have been viewed as creatures of beauty, and must be paid attention to physically. I'm quite convinced you love your wife because that's one of the reasons you're here, but even though you love her, she needs to feel the basic attractiveness that a man feels for a woman. When she sees that you are attracted to other females, she by nature feels challenged and betrayed.

[Dane]

Thanks for answering!
It's interesting what you say there, and I can understand why it is that way.

I can also ad that our realationship is amazing! We love eachother so deaply and our sex life is amazing! She is without a doubt the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on! And she is my world! A want to quit this, for her!

[stingerD39]

With that being said, you'll conquer this easily. Keep the communication lines open with her and she'll stick with you through this. I'm sure it's not going to be easy, but most things worth having usually aren't. God bless!

[Dane]

Thank you again!
I'm not really shure if I want to talk to her about it. Couse I don't want to see her sad face
again when I tell her. I just can't... She think's that I'm not addicted anymore..
I want to do this by my own, with you guys.
Hope you understand why.

And I just have to right that this seems like a great forum!
I had no idea that something like this existed. I hope I will find help in here!

[Dane]

Ihve one issue that I very much need help with!
I've go something called "restless legs". The thing is that often in the evening, I can't sleep becuse my legs got to move, f you understand. I just can't hold them still! I it actually a pritty common thing to have.

When this happends (Maby once a week), one thing have helped me in a lot of years. And thats to MB to P. That makes my body and my legs to relax and I can sleep.
I guiess that it is becaus I focus on something else, and it is a known fact that the body relaxes after an orgasm.

But the thing is that I must have P to MB. I can do it whith my whife offcorse, but when I'm alone I never finish. I just don't cum, have no idea why...

But now I don't have this oppertunety anymore, so what do I do?

Any suggestions?

[cyberpunk]

Dane,

The first step in 12 step addiction recovery programs is to admit that you have an addiction. It can't be treated like it is your wife's problem, you must recognize it for what it is, your problem. Personally, for me as a recovering PA I know that I must treat P like a plague or even a sin. If I tell myself that I don't see anything wrong with pornography then I will eventually embrace it again.

I'm not a married man so take this advice with a grain of salt, but I believe that the most important part of a relationship and a marriage is open and honest communication, not sex. By keeping secrets from your wife you are not being emotionally intimate with her and eventually this will hurt your physical intimacy.

I wish you the best of luck and I am glad that you have taken the first step by acknowledging your desire to change. We are all here to help each other. Good Luck.

p.s. I also have RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) and have found that if I take an Iron supplement once in a while it helps a lot. After a month or so it starts acting up again so I take another Iron supplement. Remember to be careful since Iron is a heavy metal and you do not want to take too much into your body. see Restless legs syndrome and iron metabolism

[Dane]

Thank you very much! And thanx for the tip on the RSL: :)

I so much agree on what you say about being honest and that sex ain't the most important thing in a marrige. Thats an oppinion both me and my whife share.
I know I have a problem! I know I am a PA, but the difficult part is that I don't want to quit.
Or... I would like to have a normal releationship with P, so I could look at it from time to time. Maby once a month or so.. But I guess that this is like alcohol for alcoholics.
One small taste, and you're back in the game.

So I will quit this time!

[Matt4:17]

So, you don't want to quit it?

But, the impression that I am getting here, is that you want too, and do for all the right reasons.

(Sometimes, I feel like Dr. Phill...You've Go To Take Control Of Your Lifffeeee!) Sorry, little side tracking never hurt,lol!

So, you want to quit P, because you feel the guilt afterwards, but the love of it weighs more than the shame of it? Am I correct in asuming this?

I know exactly what you're talking about! I have the same habbits when looking at it! not the HC stuff, but more or less it starts out looking at SC, then to more....anyway you get the point here!

Look, Dane, seems to me your confused! You love your wife, and you see how this is effecting your marriage.

Welcome to being an PA! When your ready, try looking in the mirror and saying to yourself, "Your addicted to P, and you want to quit!"

RLS, sounds to me an excuse! You can always MB, without P! Infact, that is a good way to slowly get your self unhooked of P!

As for you wife, you did right telling her! But, now, it's up to you to fulfill the promise you made to her! That you would quit looking!

Check this story out, it really shows how PA, is a two faced!

ThroughTheFlame.org - Overcoming porn addiction - Stop internet porn addiction - Help for porn addiction Blog Archive Men and porn - The Gaurdian

Good Luck, and stay with it! It's a battel that you'll be fighting for a long time! Just realize that it won't go away over night, in one full swoop of a healing hand!