Alternatives to Home Internet Access

[hereandnow]

My Current Situation:

I live alone and have a broad-band internet connection. A situation I know I must change if I want to give myself any chance of recovery.

I recently installed an internet filter called "Safe Eyes", put in a random administrator password that I won't remember and deleted any record of it. So the filter is always on and I can't turn it off unless I contact the maker to . Whilst it doesn't block everything, it certainly has greatly reduced access. What was a massive supply line pipe of porn to my home is now a drinking straw. But it's still a problem. I've found with restricted access I want porn even more than ever. I still find myself getting onto websites with questionable material. Soft porn. It often gets through the filter.

Accountability Issues:

Safe Eyes has an accountability feature, similar to Covenant Eyes, which reports your internet activity to an accountability partner. I would like to use this, but don't have anyone who undertands this addiction or whom I trust enough to disclose everything to. I don't feel like getting some random stranger through the net to know my online habits, and certainly nobody I know.

Possible Solution:

I must have internet access in order to live my life and do the work I do. However, I must get it out of my home whilst I live alone. I am thinking of cutting my connection, selling my desktop computer and changing to a notebook with wireless. That way, the only time I can go online will be at a public place like a Starbucks. Plus I'll install a filter and throw away the password. Being in public will force me to avoid looking at porn and being wireless, the lower rate of bandwidth will slow me down if I do try.

Has anyone else tried this strategy and did it work?

What I am afraid of is that I get the notebook computer home and discover that the apartment next door has a fast, free and open wireless network online 24/7 and I am then back at square one...

[skullxbones]

I totally understand where you're coming from. For me I finally had to get rid of my laptop computer (gave it to my sponsor after making sure I deleted everything I downloaded,saved or bookmarked). Now I'm not saying you have to toss your computer in the dumpster, it's just what I had to do. I tried also keeping my computer without internet avai in my home, but I did find I was able to "steal" a signal from my neighbors wireless connection. So I was not successful in that pursuit but at the same time I had cracked the password for my internet filter and turned it off. Just goes to show how big of an addict I am! lol. My advice to you is if you must have a computer with Internet for work is to get a laptop with a good internet filter and to use it at Starbucks or at your local library. my library offers free wifi while Starbucks charges a fee. but to also make a plan of what you need to use the net for. I know for me going on the internet just to do it always lead me to look at pics or video I really should not be looking at. hope this was helpful.

Matt aka: skullxbones

[guowohp]

Hi,

Your idea sounds like an interesting one. As far as accountability goes, I think there can be a compromise. You may select a buddy from this forum as your bounce-back buddy. Every week, or every day, you report to this buddy about the list of questionable web-sites that you visited (you have complete control over this list, but at the same time someone else also gets to know).

Hope it helps
Guowohp

[AnxiouslyEngaged]

Definitely install some kind of filter. I use K9, and there are a lot of other very good suggestions here as to what works for others. You're right--you can break through them if you really want to, but they provide a much needed obstacle. You have to understand that addictive behavior is caused largely by ingrained habits. If those habits are interrupted by something, you have a much better chance at altering your behavior. An internet filter does just that. It stops you for a moment so that you have a chance to think about what you're doing.

By the way, I want to welcome you to the site and say congratulations on your desire to break this addiction. It's very difficult, but worth every shred of effort, as anyone here would readily agree, I'm quite sure.

Good luck.

AE

[nomore]

I have X3 Watch, which is an accountability program. However last night I noticed it wasn't working and I had the perfect excuse to relapse, my wife was in bed so she'd probably never find out and it was so tempting, I even told myself that everyone relapses.


In the end I couldn't do it, I kept telling myself that it wasn't worth it, I want the days of lying and cheating to be over. I remember all the ways I used to justify those actions to myself but this time I knew I had no justification for this. I hope this is a step in the right direction and despite the urges to relapse I hope I can beat this thing.

[Vorlan]

Congratulations Nomore! It may not seem like it to you but in your last post you really showed your committment to recovering and ditching P for good. Everyone has urges, the difference is some submit to the urges and some resist them. That is what separates a PA and someone who was a PA and is now recovering. You should be proud. It's not not having temptions to do bad things that makes us good people, it is having the temptations and making a concious decision not to do the bad thing and to do the good thing instead. Well done! You have done good and after reading that I am confident that you will beat this provided you stay vigilant, stay positive and keep posting!

The very best of luck to you,

Ben

[nomore]

Thanks Vorlan, the thing is after posting this I was on a file sharing site (for music) but I noticed there was also P. I figured it wouldn't show up on the accountability program because it wasn't a P site, so I downloaded a ZIP file of photos. I decided not to unzip the file straight away, I think guilt stopped me but I kept it for about an hour. Anyway I came back and read your reply and that made my mind up, I deleted the zip file without even opening it.

I think the lesson I've learned from this is not to be complacent and that when I'm feeling tempted I should pay a visit to this forum.

[Vorlan]

Good work! My advice is that it might be a good idea to manually block the site as it will always be tempting to go on it now that you know that P is avaliable on it. Going on TTF is a great way to keep temptations at bay! You got very close to a relapse and you need to work out why you did:

• Were you genuinely looking for music but found P and got tempted?
• Did you realise there could be P and go on the site partially because of that?
• Were you bored and carelessly browsing?

Work out how you got triggered and work out a plan on how to avoid it next time, eg:

• Block that site and only use purely music sites
• Block any sites you suspect have P to remove temptation
• Keep busy and go on TTF whenever you feel tempted

Good luck! All the best,

Ben

[nomore]

Thanks Ben.

I was genuinely looking for music and have downloaded a few 100 songs over the last few days, the problem is the site has a list of recent searches and one thing caught my eye. I'm not keen on the idea of blocking sites because I know that if that is the only thing keeping me straight I'll find a way around it. I like 3X watch because it keeps me accountable and I can't hide what I'm doing. P is everywhere so I need to know I can go online without looking at it.

You're right about keeping busy and spending time on TTF though ;)