Wanted: Support And Encouragement

[Linxtotime]

Hello out there! I need support! I am a teenage boy in need of advice! I've been struggling since the beginning of 2008. I was exposed to pornography out of curiosity. I right away clicked it off, but the image had been burned into my mind. 3 months later, I found myself alone in the house. Parents out for dinner, sister out with friends. Surfing the Web, the thought came to me again. Now that's when I was tempted to masturbate. Sorry if it's too graphic, but I can't find another way to put it. Ever since that, I've enjoyed my family being away. I've tried to put porn blockers, but I always end up deleting the programs. Right now I'
m looking for a porn blocker for free with a password lock. I fear if my dad finds out, he will be disappointed in me. So please, I need HELP!!! Thank you for reading! Any advice would help!

[futurehope]

Hey LTT,

You've got a great opportunity to cut this off before it becomes a habit.
For some of us on this site (me included), using pornography has become
an ingrained habit that is really hard to let go of. And it really does isolate
you and prevent you from forming healthy relationships.

I don't personally think masturbation is necessarily unhealthy. So long as
it doesn't become a compulsive habit or escape. It can be a mindful thing,
really being aware of your own sexuality and not being scared of it. One of the
problems with porn is that it contains all kinds of negative and nasty stereotypes
and by masturbating over it you become attached to certain things that you
might not even have thought about. Better off to keep it real...deal with real people
in the real world and forget about that nightmare world of porn. Don't demonise
your own sexuality though. It's an amazing thing, full of magic and mystery.
I think porn deadens and destroys that over time. My memory, unfortunately,
is filled with disgusting and degrading scenarios that I have seen in images and video, and it's going to take a long time for it all to be purged. Don't go down that road!!

When you meet the right person and you get together it will be such a beautiful thing if your mind hasn't been corrupted by P. It's worth waiting.

As for filter software...FoolishMind posted something recently reviewing the different options. It's in the General Discussion forum I think. Good luck!

[Light]

Linxtotime, I wish I had the insight to cut pornography out of my life at your young age. As futurehope said, please take this opportunity to not allow it to further take hold of you. Don't let it distort your outlook on the world. Have the courage to do what it takes now, before years have gone by and you look back with regret on how you have filled the hours of freetime in your life.

I understand that you are concerned that your Dad would be disappointed if he learned of your behavior. I was too back then. I tried quitting porn a few times at your age, only to have it creep back in my life over and over. Many times my motivation would be to avoid being caught, or disappointing my family. Those reasons led me back to porn, because they were the wrong reasons to quit. You can't quit something that is this powerful, that has so much grip on you once you delve into it, by wanting to do it for someone else. I urge you to dig deeper, and learn to say no to porn for your own reasons, for your life, so that you can be happy and take in all that life has to offer you. You are young, and have great opportunities before you. Embrace them!

I haven't shared this on the site before, but when I was growing up, it was a common habit for me to come home after school to an empty house (I have no siblings). I would log on the computer first thing, and begin looking at porn, heart racing in anticipation of what I would find that day. This could last for hours until my mom or dad finally came home. One of my biggest regrets about those years is all of the human interaction that I missed out on. I didn't date girls, I didn't have a high school sweetheart, I didn't have the guts to talk to girls. I sank deeper and deeper into looking at porn, and it wasn't until I was in my mid twenties that I actually had my first intimate experience with a girl. Porn made me feel more and more ashamed, and I felt embarrassed around "real" girls. I also became more and more scared of living up to the expectations set in porn. I didn't look anything like the guys in porn, quite inadequate by comparison, and I thought no girl would want me.

Now, I'm not encouraging you to go out and be promiscuous, but looking back at all the experiences I wasted, all the time I lost to porn, the numb feeling it gave me towards life and the opposite sex...go out and live your life. Date girls, have relationships with real people. No matter who you are there is someone out there for you. At your age, dating and learning what you like about a girl is important, and will help you later on as you get settled in a relationship.

I would encourage you to do the one thing I never did when I was your age, and that is get involved in school sports or after school activities. Fill your time with friends, events, and life.

Ask to move the computer to a public place in your house. Don't turn it on unless there is someone else around. Only use the computer if you have a reason too. When you feel tempted online, come to this site and post or read the messages.

Keep us posted, and welcome to TTF! :)

[showmelove]

Even though I didn't start this thread I must say that that was some great answers to read. I'm so glad I found this site.

[Bill]

You are doing the right thing by seeking help.
If you find that you are having trouble and cannot stop on your own, try telling someone you trust. It may be the most difficult thing that you'll ever do but consider telling your parents. For me, my parents are one of the biggest supports that I have. You know your parents. If they are anything like mine they won't kick you out of the house. They will help you, love you, and be concerned and they will take the appropriate measures to seal your home against P.

I know telling your parents might seem a little drastic but you want to kick this thing now. Don't wait. Don't think that you will do it some other time. Decide now that you won't let P be in charge of your life. Don't let it be in charge of your mind and in charge of thoughts about women. Women are wonderful and don't deserve to be degraded by the P industry.

I don't want to suggest talking to your parents if you really think they may be abusive to you (I don't know your parents so I need to throw that in here, I don't want to put you in some kind of danger). But again, in all likelihood they will be very supportive. You know your parents and you make the decision. Again, don't wait to get rid of this thing. Do it now.

[clog]

Dear Linxtotime,

Welcome to the forum and well done for seeking support on this issue so early on. If you can beat this now, you'll save yourself and those who are and will be close to you a lot of sadness.

I really agree with Bill that you should consider talking to your parents about it. I'm a father myself. I don't have a son, but if I did and he came to me and said he'd come across P on the computer and wanted help to avoid looking at it, I'd give him all the support that's needed. You may well find that your father will be all too happy to install filtering software for you and even to pay for the licence of one of the better filtering packages out there. He'll be proud of you for being strong and trying to resist this. If on the other hand you don't talk and your parents find out about your P viewing habit some other way, there will not be pride but disappointment.

Light also offers good advice. If being alone in the house is when you are at your weakest, minimise the time you spend alone in the house. Get out, join a sports club, go on dates, anything that keeps you busy and engaged socially in a healthy way.

Good luck to you and well done for trying to tackle this so early on.

Clog.

[Little lock]

Yo Linxt. Guess what, I'm a teen as well. And I'm also terrifed at what will my parents reactions be when if they do find out I use p. And I'm also most susceptible alone in the house. The only thing I can say is that at least you have gotten help very early, before you sink too deep into p. For me, I only got help a few years after I became addicted to p.

I think maybe getting more involved in school might help. Study harder, hang with with good friends, and fill your head with useful things. At least's that is what I'm intending to do, to help me fill the void left by p. It's only my advice, so I hope it helps!