Hey Nordman. I am a woman who kicked the P habit. I used to look at it because my husband couldn't sexually arouse me. I would just give in to him because I was his wife and not because I wanted to. It was a lot to do with the fact that we were arguing all the time. I knew I had to quit because I didn't want to ruin my marriage. The way that I was able to quit was because of my daughter. I didn't want to have to explain to her why mommy was looking at those nasty pics. That was my motivation. You just have to find something that will motivate you to quit. Also, Slave had a really good idea. Get a really sexy pic of your wife to put in your wallet. Anytime you get the urge just look at that. Another idea is when you get the urge start to appreciate your wife. Just think how it would feel if you were ever to lose her over something so silly and stupid. And keep posting. I hope this helps. Have victory today.
Hey Dave. I know you probably don't remember me but I just wanted to say thanks to you for your words of wisdom when I was down. I really appreciate it. Thanks again.
The Following User Says Thank You to helpme4life For This Useful Post:
Actually by nice picture i didn't mean sexy or half nude or any of that because that would only promote your sex drive, and might make you want to look further trying to find something to satisify yourself. If your at work you can't relieve it with your wife. If you want to try a sexy picture, go for it, it may work better for you i don't know, but i had in mind just like a happy picture or her, where you would not want to make her unhappy, or even a sad picture, which symbolizes the pain it causes her. Something to break your emotions, fill your head with the proper appreciation for your wife and to stop the bad urge.
I've been fine ths week, though I do feel urges. I have not fellt really tempted. I appreciate your concern. And, slave: don't worry, I know you didn't mean a sexy pic.
Hi everyone, first time I've posted; first time I've wanted to admit a problem. Interesting mixture of feeling yuk, associations of being sat on my PC and normally looking at other things....& feeling glad to have finally done something about it like draw on some support. How it going? -
Freedomahoy: Good luck! Nordman's going strong and your feeling of "yuk" has got to be a good sign, right? So, let's celebrate! It's great to be free from this addiction. Dave42
The Following User Says Thank You to dave42 For This Useful Post:
First off, I am sorry to hear about you situation. I just wanted to let you know that I am in very much the same situation myself. Just last week, I too relapsed, and I had the same subconscious reasons you did ( Where P = treat, which of course is wrong). So, you should never forget that there are probably many others in the same boat as yourself, and that a relapse is no reason to start degrading your self esteem. I think I read somewhere that a high self esteem leads to a better self efficacy, which is one's ability to achieve the goals he/she sets for himself, so you can see that if you go overboard with letting yourself feel like s***t, it can actually reduce your prospect of kicking this habit. Dont get me wrong though, some remorse is always a good thing since watching P is by no means excusable, and I say this to both you and myself.
I Hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck.
The Following User Says Thank You to Evans11 For This Useful Post:
Slave's idea of carrying a picture of your wife is a great idea! I have pictures of my girlfriend and I - looking at eases my mind because she is just so happy in the picture, and pure. Nordman, a messup is okay - as many have said - we are all human! The thing is - you have realized your mistake, and you are going to make better efforts to not do it again! The road to recovery is going to be bumpy, you're going to fall, and things will get messy - but at least you are taking the necessary steps now to help yourself! Good luck!
The Following User Says Thank You to jimfear For This Useful Post:
Appreciate the thought; have been 'fessing up to my girlfriend - oh boy - and another trusted (female) friend, which has helped me; she too has experienced the same situation with her husband. All in all the celebratory feelings of relief at being honest and the move toward being a bit more integrated are real enough, if mixed with some guilt and incredulity around the hours/days/months I've wasted looking at P. So far I've managed 5 days P-free, and I'm glad to be feeling a little freer of the impulse. Congratulations on the months you've spent without it; and hope to get there soon myself. I'm finding the honesty and ideas on these posts very helpful and hopeful too. Many thanks one and all.
Hi Freedomahoy: When you wrote: "All in all the celebratory feelings of relief at being honest and the move toward being a bit more integrated are real enough, if mixed with some guilt and incredulity around the hours/days/months I've wasted looking at P" I had a couple of thoughts.
The first was this: you are brave and wise, it seems to me, to 'fess up to your gf and your trusted female friend. That must have been really, really tough. Wow, just the thought of how you had to bring up such an awkward topic: it's great. Also, I think having your gf and your other friend's support will make your work on this addiction easier.
Second, 5 days is great! I don't think I truly believed folks here when they said that it gets easier after a while, but in the last couple of weeks it does feel easier for me, so I'm glad I was wrong to question the guys saying it was easier.
Also, I don't know if I can express this last thought well, but I'll try.
A while back I was feeling a bit depressed at what you mention: "the hours/days/months I've wasted." And I was also feeling, "Big deal, Dave; you have been free from p for a few weeks. What about the 25-30 years of life you spent looking at the stuff (I'm 42)?! You've wasted so much time." But then I thought this (and I hope it helps you; it helped me a little bit):
Let's say I was 85 years old, and I had spent my whole life looking at p and then I finally decided to quit. Let's say I only lived a week after quitting and then I died. Even THAT would be better than not quitting. That one week would be better not looking at it than looking at it.
Hope that's somewhat clear and that it helps. Good luck!
04-24-2008, 01:35 PM
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