Recovery is Not Being 'dry'

[BigEyes]

Hi Still
I just skimmed the posts in this thread. Looks pretty lively already! Your leadoff post caught my eye because I was thinking about this very subject today. I've been at this for about eight months now, and I said to myself today that after all this time I still feel like a dry drunk. One major thing happened today that convinced me it's time for me to change my mindset once and for all, that believing in myself isn't optional, it's imperative. I really think that how I view myself has affected and will continue to affect everything I do for good or ill. More on that later. The main thing is that, what I'm hoping once this new attitude starts to set in, is that I'll enter the next phase of recovery. We shall see.

Thanks for starting this,
John

Hey John,

I am going to tell you my secret to true recovery for me. Fortunately or unfortunately it is very simple to say, harder to do. I found what worked for me was "walking away" from the porn. This meant truly giving up the desire to look, the longing to look, the grieving for my loss of looking at porn. This was incredibly important for my freedom.

I will admit to hitting a true bottom. This helped and may be essential. I notice the guys in my SAA groups that had long term sobriety had hit serious bottom: being arrested usually (luckily I didn't have to go that far). These guys hated what the porn had done to them, as I do.

Again I will say how very, very important it is to get rid of the longing & grieving for porn. I hope I am planting a few small seeds in other PA's minds about how to gain real freedom from this addiction.

[IN NEED OF HELP]

BigEyes

You made some sound solid points here. If we do not find a way to not desire this crap, we will never succeed in our recovery

Desire is a sense of longing for a person or object or hoping for an outcome. Desire is the fire that sets action aflame. The same sense is expressed by emotions such as "craving" or "hankering". When a person desires something or someone, their sense of longing is excited by the enjoyment or the thought of the item or person, and they want to take actions to obtain their goal. The motivational aspect of desire has long been noted by philosophers; Hobbes (1588–1679) asserted that human desire is the fundamental motivation of all human action. (Copied from Wikipedia)

Another good point you made is the fact that we need to hate P*** and all that it stands for. I never hit rock bottom with my addiction to the point of having the police coming after me, but I did hit bottom. But when I saw what my addiction had done to my SO, I believe that is when I truly started hating this addiction. Never would I have thought, that my fun time, would destroy someone very special to me.

I wish others, could know what is going to happen to them, if they were to continue in this type of life. if they really knew what the outcome was, then maybe they have a chance to stop it before it happens


Gerald

[stillinlove]

Wow! That description hits the nail on the button! My thoughts went to the next step after or during desire would be the brain activity that has been quoted here.

I just wanted to add to the thoughts I wrote about - this is not about confrontation. We've all had enough of that. We don't need to feel more shame and guilt. We need to be free of it.

I like the quotes above my posting - relapse is not an option!

[waterlily327]

Hey Still, thanks for explaining. I think that having a section dedicated to “What works” will really help a lot of people, and still allow for everyone to participate in the journals. It will just make it easier to figure out those tips that work well without having to read through the day-to-day in the recovery/SO journals. Cool thought! Thanks for sharing!

[stillinlove]

How do I make this a sticky (if that what it is) so What Works will stay in place and not get lost down the line?

[Teemo]

What works for me? I think that I probably use - and need to use - every strategy that anyone else is using. But there is one that seems to be powerful and yet gets little attention: physical exercise. Some serious physical work is probably the best, but I often cannot engage in that kind of work without also dealing with related problems. For instance, cleaning the attic takes lots of exertion, but it also requires lots of decisions. So it may not be the most valuable exercise for the purpose of aiding my recovery.

I seem to need a combination of daily stretching, some weight lifting, and a run every other day. I'm not on that schedule right now, but I need to be. When I am in that routine, I have a lot more mental clarity and emotional stability. I feel better. I sleep better. I have more energy. I am far less likely to get sad, angry, hurt, fearful, or anything else that can start a downward slide.

Exercise is not the most important thing, of course. But for me, it is a powerful support for recovery.

[JenMac]

How do I make this a sticky (if that what it is) so What Works will stay in place and not get lost down the line?

Hi Still!
The thread is now a sticky. Best to ask a moderator directly when you have a question to ensure you get an answer. :) A quick pm will most often do it!
Great thread to have in a prominent place!

Jenn

[stillinlove]

Thank you for keeping this for everyone, especially newbies to use.
I'm hoping everyone who has been with TTF will post what has helped them
to give hope, courage, and friendship to those who are ready and those
we can help plant the seed.

You have made my day. My heart is filled with joy!

[stillinlove]

Hi all,

Mac has written a great, informative posting in the new member welcome.
If any newbies or returnees for that matter haven't read it, it is good information to follow.
Having safeguards in place work!

[Thoughtless]

My best move was to quit skating around the edges...opening those xxx emails and looking at photo galleries that really aren't P but sure are titillating, etc. I realized the necessity of this reading some discussion here, but do not remember who posted it. Just makes it easier not to have to decide whether I should feel guilty for looking at something and I find myself thinking about it less and less, thereby reducing the temptation.