Your experiences with Therapists

[Remi]

I'm considering seeing a therapist to help me tackle my p addiction. I was hoping those of you who have experience of seeing a therapist could give me an idea of how helpful it was for you, what I can expect etc. I know each and every experience may be different but any insight would be appreciated. I'm getting pretty desperate now, cant help but feel my life is passing me by as I struggle with this addiction!

[mell]

Hi Remi,

I've seen more than one. It is critical that you find one that is knowledgeable of addictions at the very least. The group I go to works with the Patrick Carnes workbooks and they all have to be trained and certified to do this.

Also if there are any S groups in your area, some of the members there will have good references.

When you work with a good therapist, your recovery rate increases, IMO. But they have to know how to treat this addiction. Hope you can find one that works for you.

Maybe check out the 'Facing the Shadows' or 'Recovery Zone' websites. They may be able to lead you to a qualified therapist.

[nifty]

I agree with Mell in that they need to know what they are talking about. I've just quit seeing my counsellor because she really just didnt have any experience in this and I felt like we were just going around in circles. It was really frustrating. I'm now looking into finding someone with some experience in this area... but personally having trouble with the money side of things.

I think yes, it could be very beneficial. But make sure it's someone who really knows what they are talking about.

[Betterforever]

Mostly what I have heard it that you need to find one that is certified in sexual addiction, I have heard some horror stories about people with this problem seeing ones who are not. I have not done this yet so I can't offer personal recommendations, but I have read a lot of people saying that it has helped them a lot, and none that I can recall saying that it hasn't helped them.

I had a couple of visits with a therapist, and didn't really have a choice because of my insurance, who was not certified. I didn't really get too far into it with her but I could see it helping. starting next year we are getting better insurance and I can see whoever I want, so I plan to find a certified sexual addictions counselor. I'll let you know how it goes :)

[Isaac]

Lots of therapists are moving to advertise their services online, so hopefully you will be able to find therapist's websites, and read about their qualifications and experience. Certainly the therapist should have experience in working with sexual addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. In addition to competence, however, is the personality of the therapist and how you feel when you're with him/her, since I strongly believe that the healing comes through the relationship that develops between therapist and client. I always suggest people interview at least 2-3 therapists, before choosing one. Comparing your experiences with a few initial interviews gives one so much more information. I think it's really important to see yourself as the "employer" of the therapist. I look for someone who is familiar and competent in the area of sexually compulsive behavior, someone who will not hesitate to confront me when I'm minimizing, etc., but also someone who will be there for me, and who will work at coming to care about me, making the therapy office a safe place for me to look at these painful issues. I know lots of us don't have the luxury of such choices, given "managed healthcare," but nevertheless I think it's really important to push for as much choice as possible! I wish you well on your journey, and hope you are able to find a professional who can help you make dramatic changes in your life!
Isaac

[Disillusioned]

There are some out there who may mean well, but don't have a clue as to dealing with this, even though a phone interview makes it seem like they can handle it. Be very careful. One actually took us in the wrong direction all together, and as time has passed, I see she had similar issues in her own relationship and was puzzled as to how to handle it. She and her BF were long term but did not plan marriage.
disillusioned.

[Devastated2]

You've already gotten great advice here but I wanted to stress finding someone certified to deal with SA. Our couples therapy was a disaster because the therapist was clueless about SA. I found the therapist my h went to through Dr. Carnes web site. He is amazing and saved our marriage. Bad therapists do more harm than good.

[dave]

I concur that a support group is a good place to find a consellor reference. I am in my 4th year of recovery and the combination of SAA and a great counsellor were key to my doing well.
In general terms SAA helped me stay clean and the counsellor helped me uncovered where my problem came from and how I needed to heal some of the roots of my addicion.
In SAA I found a community who were on the same journey as I was.
In counselling I learned how I got into addiction. My counsellor intimately knows the 12 step programs and was very helpful.

[Remi]

Thank you for the advice guys! I've decided I'll probably start seeing a therapist in the new year. I will definitely be looking out for someone who has dealt with p addiction before. For a long time I have felt apprehension in seeing someone about my addiction, but I now believe that is what is holding me back in my recovery. Lets see what comes of it. Thanks again.

[BigEyes]

My 2 cents:

I agree with everything that's been said, however, during the years of trying to get clean, I did run into sex addiction counselors and programs that were not necessarily meant to help the addict, but only help the therapist get a bigger house, or a nicer car etc.

If it were me I would avoid any therapist's program in which the name of the program is a registered trademark.

Find the programs that want to help the addict. Be careful of come-ons from programs that may or may not help you.

That's my 2 cents from my experiences.