why

[metalfossil]

Why do/did I keep certain things; why do I find it so difficult to get rid of everything? After all, I've been P free for over a month? It's a good question, and one that I'm unable to answer at this stage. perhaps it is still too early in my recovery....?

[metalfossil]

Bit the bullet, and scoured clean everything that my SO didn't think was appropriate. I have to say that some of the things I removed I didn't consider P. However, I'm still not sure if that is the Pre P me or the post P me. As an aside, yesterday my SO and myself watched that new FX show American Nightmare. Could this show be an excuse to mainstream P? After all, it has a woman and a man masturbating to a fetish like scenario.

[Devastated2]

Hi Metalfossil
Had to comment about that show. Had the great misfortune of catching it last night (mistakenly---thought it was an actual horror movie, which we planned to watch since it was Halloween). OMG! it ws terrible! And I felt so awkward & awful because I was the one who chose it. I actually apologized to my husband---I felt that bad and so guilty! I know how hard he is working to remain in recovery and I really had a ton of guilt to think my actions may have triggered him. I remember back 3 years ago when this journey began, we literally watched no TV for like 9, maybe 10 months. It was wonderful and I am wonderfing if we should try that again. There is just so much garbage on tv that I am now afraid I will again unknowingly expose him to things that could trigger him.

Bit the bullet, and scoured clean everything that my SO didn't think was appropriate. I have to say that some of the things I removed I didn't consider P. However, I'm still not sure if that is the Pre P me or the post P me. As an aside, yesterday my SO and myself watched that new FX show American Nightmare. Could this show be an excuse to mainstream P? After all, it has a woman and a man masturbating to a fetish like scenario.

[metalfossil]

I'm answering my own question here as during the course of the last few days certain spects of my relationship with The Beast have come to light. I realise that these things that I had great difficulty letting go of were most likely the things that should have gone in the first place. All the films I hung on to showcased my triggers remarkedly. These were also the films that I was still attempting to inform L were okay. That she was being a control freak and she should just get over herself. That (I know now)was IT speaking as these films were the worst part of my addiction (my triggers)and I was hanging on by my fingernails to them. These caused my beautiful wife a lot of pain and for this L I'm truly sorry I refused to see that before I caused you all that pain and suffering....

I love you L

[metalfossil]

Hi Devastated2

I'm still truly unable to comment on wether or not American Nightmare is rubbish. Maybe it is my p addiction talking here, or maybe it is not. I absolutely love this sort of thing. I love Dexter, Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones. My tastes in literature also run along that vein. Heavy metal is my fave music. I think Zombies are cool...okay, I might be just plain weird.

Some of these shows are also L's fave ones as well. Along with a show downunder called Underbelly. My beautiful wife loves this show. A lot of these shows do contain a fair amount of soft p. Should I be watching them....? *Sigh* probably not. Should I watching them with L? I'm still unable to comment. I do know though this is not sitting hunched over my comp trolling for p. I do know that with L by my side these shows do not trigger me. Having said that, if ever she said that she had a problem with them they would become history in my household.

I hope some of that made sense.

Thanks for your profound thoughts Devastated2

Hi Metalfossil
Had to comment about that show. Had the great misfortune of catching it last night (mistakenly---thought it was an actual horror movie, which we planned to watch since it was Halloween). OMG! it ws terrible! And I felt so awkward & awful because I was the one who chose it. I actually apologized to my husband---I felt that bad and so guilty! I know how hard he is working to remain in recovery and I really had a ton of guilt to think my actions may have triggered him. I remember back 3 years ago when this journey began, we literally watched no TV for like 9, maybe 10 months. It was wonderful and I am wonderfing if we should try that again. There is just so much garbage on tv that I am now afraid I will again unknowingly expose him to things that could trigger him.

[Devastated2]

Hi Metal
You are not weird at all! I used to listen to metal too back in the day & I love horror movies, Six Feet Under & Zombies!
I think my husband felt much the way you describe feeling when watchning these things with your wife. I told him afterwards it had made me feel awkward, not knowing if it was something that could have triggered him. He said it did not---that it hadn't bothered him. Now, being the So of a PA, in my mind I am thinking "How could it not?" But I think it did not for the reason you stated here: we were together. Also, we have shared an extended period of real openness and closeness lately and even though some of the scenes were pretty racy, I think he felt in a safe place and it wasn't something he looked at as a trigger.

Hi Devastated2

I'm still truly unable to comment on wether or not American Nightmare is rubbish. Maybe it is my p addiction talking here, or maybe it is not. I absolutely love this sort of thing. I love Dexter, Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones. My tastes in literature also run along that vein. Heavy metal is my fave music. I think Zombies are cool...okay, I might be just plain weird.

Some of these shows are also L's fave ones as well. Along with a show downunder called Underbelly. My beautiful wife loves this show. A lot of these shows do contain a fair amount of soft p. Should I be watching them....? *Sigh* probably not. Should I watching them with L? I'm still unable to comment. I do know though this is not sitting hunched over my comp trolling for p. I do know that with L by my side these shows do not trigger me. Having said that, if ever she said that she had a problem with them they would become history in my household.

I hope some of that made sense.

Thanks for your profound thoughts Devastated2

[metalfossil]

'I think he felt in a safe place and it wasn't something he looked at as a trigger.'


Wow Devestated2, you hit the nail firmly on the head. Thanks for making a whole lot of sense in an area that is full of grey.