What does progress look like?

[Toubo]

Hi all,

I've been browsing these forums anonymously for a while but this is my first post :) My story is similar to many of you - found P as a lonely teenager at about 13 and am now 18 and deeply worried by the hideous double life it forces me to lead.

I have a question for those of you that have won this fight, or at least who have made significant progress in fighting it. See, I've been trying 'seriously' to beat P for almost a year now - by seriously, I mean confessing to my dad (although he hasn't chased it up and I'm very embarrassed to start that conversation again), and trying out some filter solutions (none of which have worked well - I always find ways around them), and keeping a journal/timeline of my progress.

Most of the time, I'll lose the fight about twice a week. I've only made it past the 7 day mark four times, three of which have been in the last 11 months, since I 'seriously' started to fight. The longest ever was 16 days, that ended about 2 months ago. Just this evening I lost a 10 day spree. Between those, I'd been falling on average 1-2 times a week.

So my question is to those who managed to get from falling several times a week to going whole years without a fall. What did it 'look like'? Did you start like me, painfully slowly, only able to get past 7 days rarely and months apart? Or did it just happen instantly?

I ask because I'm worried by my lack of progress. Perhaps I need to be doing more, although I'm not sure how I would go about it. I'd just like to have a better gauge for whether or not what I'm trying is working or not. It may be a silly question, given that it's probably different for everyone, but I figured it was worth a shot.

Thanks!
Toubo

[HopefulsRock]

Toubo... never a silly question around here because we're all trying to figure this out as well and leaning on each other to get there! So if you need answers the only way to get them is to ask!

First off, welcome to TTF and congratulations on realizing the need to quit the "P" and at such a young age... I commend you! I don't know your Dad but confessing to him was awfully brave of you and I'm sure in some way he will be able to help you in the future. He doesn't need to know all the details but just to know that your struggling with a problem and are asking for a hand or some guidance! He may have been a little caught off guard but sadly I'm sure being a guy that he's got similar experience's of his own with P and had to deal with it in his life too.

Not sure if your struggling to stop the "P" use or just the MBing but I'll give you my experience...
...I tried to and wanted to stop myself but I couldn't and only managed to cut back at times. Then came D-Day when my wife caught up with my dirty secret other life (March 22nd 2010) and that made quitting instant and I've never relapsed with either ever since that day! However the recovery side of it and making progress I will say is at times painfully slow! ...and still ongoing! To be honest I think it will always be ongoing for the rest of my life but that's not a bad thing! ...it just means that I will stay constantly aware of the problem and vigilant not to let it in my life again! I'm sure you've found that it's everywhere you turn... TV ...Magazines ...movies ...checkout lines with magazines, etc., etc. and the internet is sadly just saturated with it! I have found my life changed a bit as I don't watch TV so much any more and avoid movies that can trigger bad thoughts and check out lines, well my wife (Hopeful) has gone after some of those stores about that... God I love her! There has been a few times where I've had to kind of make a stand to my friends when they tried to share certain questionable jokes and videos with me but I found once you do they tend to not want to share it with you any more! ...and once again they don't need to know all the details either but just that you don't appreciate that kind of thing any more! So it's a process to recover from the addictive behavior but the further you distance yourself from it the easier it gets and you'll gain more and more confidence to stand your ground against it!

So basically it's like 3 steps;

1. recognizing the addictive problem and admitting it! (you've done that)
2. quitting the acting out of the addiction (You've done this several times and just need to make the last one the final one!)
3. Own up to your past choices and mistakes and make the changes necessary to move forward in a positive direction!

Do these and the last step will fall in line and get easier and easier and you'll like yourself a lot better as you go!

I have to say Toubo that I'm a Dad and love the trust that you put in yours to tell him about this... don't be afraid to maybe let him know your progress in the matter and may you find the strength you need in this journey my young friend and know that your not alone!

[Toubo]

Thanks Hopeful - very comforting indeed :) I'm beginning to notice that I may actually be getting far better at resisting cravings than I once was ... perhaps that is contributing, below the surface, to an eventual ability to stop completely.

All the best!
Toubo

[BestShot]

Hi Toubo,

Thank you for sharing your story. Anytime people share their journey it is helpful to everybody who reads about it. It's motivating, inspirational and provides that extra "something" all of us "PA's" need to stay the course.

One of the things that dove tails into what Hopeful was saying about true motivation to quit "P" is what he referred to as "D-Day". For him, it was when his wife discovered he was using "P". You can either wait until your life EXPLODES because of "P" or you can do something about it before things get out of control.

I have found that coming to this website and reading the stories in addition to talking to people whose lives have literally exploded because of "P" have been incredible motivators for me to stay off of this poison. All you have to do is put yourself in their shoes for a second and it will definitely have an impact on you.

They used to have a program (they still might) called "scared straight" where they would take juvenile delinquents into maximum security prisons. The prisoners would talk to them (more like scream) about how their delinquent ways will have them end up in that hell hole that they were merely visiting.

I use this website in that way (not the only way but it's part of how I use it). Talk to some people here and listen to their stories...it will motivate you to get off the stuff asap!

Hope to see you around!

BestShot

[HopefulsRock]

Hey Toubo... glad to hear your confidence is growing and your getting better at fighting off the urges and BestShot just gave you some of the best advice I've ever read here at TTF and his quote should be on a billboard somewhere... so here it is!

You can either wait until your life EXPLODES because of "P" or you can do something about it
...before things get out of control!

Truer words were never spoken because it's gonna happen one way or the other... the choice is yours!

Thanks Toubo for posing this question and BestShot for such a clear & powerful statement which I hope you don't mind but I'll be adding your quote to my signature on my posts

[BestShot]

Love it! Keep up the good fight men!

BestShot