Thoughts on delaying an urge

[rouby]

There has been 133 days so far this year. I have acted out on 10 of those days. This is 10 days too many, but after all of these years, it has been my greatest overall success.

I last acted out a few days ago. Today while at work, someone showed me a topless pic on his cellphone. There was no intent on my part and I dismissed it immeadiately.

Later on in the day, being a perfectionist, I began to entertain acting out because of that pic. I had to remind myself there was no intent on my part, but the urges began.

It was at this point, I told myself to not act out tonight, but rather do things that need to be done. I told myself that if I still felt that way tommorrow, then I could give in.

Now, several hours later, I feel so much better that I did not act upon that urge and now I have no intention of acting out.

Is this a weak strategy? Has anyone tried this before? In some strange way, this allowed me to get past the urge, promising a delayed indulgence if I still wanted it.

I cannot express the satisfaction I feel at this moment because I did not indulge myself. I was able to mow the lawn, enjoy great time with my family. It has been a tremendous time for me.

Thanks for reading.

[dagaz]

Hey rouby,

Just stopped by here briefly and saw your post. There's a great article on urge surfing here:Mindfulness

I really like this quote from the article:

Urges can be compared with feeding a stray cat. In the beginning, you may want to feed the cat because it cries for food and attention. You may find that it is a nice thing to do and you feel good for being kind. However, your act of feeding the cat encourages it to repeat its cries and attention seeking. You find yourself giving in each time. Over a period of time the cat grows bolder and other cats join it in crying for food and attention.

Anyway, hope you're doing well,

Garry

[IN NEED OF HELP]

It was at this point, I told myself to not act out tonight, but rather do things that need to be done. I told myself that if I still felt that way tommorrow, then I could give in.

Now, several hours later, I feel so much better that I did not act upon that urge and now I have no intention of acting out.

Is this a weak strategy? Has anyone tried this before? In some strange way, this allowed me to get past the urge, promising a delayed indulgence if I still wanted it.

I cannot express the satisfaction I feel at this moment because I did not indulge myself. I was able to mow the lawn, enjoy great time with my family. It has been a tremendous time for me.

Thanks for reading.

You need to do what you need to do, to get the thought out of your mind. they can be gotten rid of just as fast, as they came to you.

my question to you is this. what would you have done, if you still felt this way the next day? would you have allowed yourself to give in, because, hey it was a deal I made with myself.
we are always going to have urges in one way or the other, but how we act on them, is the important thing

I say you just do what you did. you got up, done a few things, and the urges went away. what you did, just shows that you are working your recovery. you didn't dwell on the urges long enough, to be able to give in to them. I am proud of you for doing this. you have been doing a outstanding job in your recovery, please just keep it up

[rouby]

my question to you is this. what would you have done, if you still felt this way the next day? would you have allowed yourself to give in, because, hey it was a deal I made with myself.
we are always going to have urges in one way or the other, but how we act on them, is the important thing

In hindsight, I can see this delaying the acting out to the next day is a weak strategy. I must decided right now that I will say NO to any thoughts of acting out.

I should really know this by now...

[RobP413]

In hindsight, I can see this delaying the acting out to the next day is a weak strategy. I must decided right now that I will say NO to any thoughts of acting out.

I should really know this by now...

That is right. And I agree w IN NEED. He's correct.

The point is that a relapse sends you backwards. FAR backwards. It's not just a relapse. It's not just a momentary pause in your recovery. Every time you use, not only does it stunt your growth toward the person you want to be, it goes back and destroys much of the progress you've already made.

You need to do whatever it takes to avoid acting on an urge. But in looking at the big picture, what you really have to tell yourself is, no relapses, ever. My choice is never looking at that stuff again because that's not me, and my life is better for it.

[likeafish34]

Rouby,
I agree tend to agree, that putting off acting out and setting a time when you'll do it if the urge is still there, is a risky approach. Having said that, part of my current approach is to slow down the process of moving from urge to action. When I feel the urge, I don't grit my teeth and just say 'No'. I just try to relax and remind myself that the urge is a fairly normal human reaction, but I don't need to act on it immediately. I just try to move my thoughts on and in a very short space of time the urge diminishes.
Whatever works for you, keep it up.
Simon

[iwilldothis]

Read the link Dagaz posted.

I have been meditating off an on. And I have to say, I have found it to be the single most effective tool (together with reading this site) in my attempts at beating this addiction.

I meditated for more 6-7 weeks straight every day and during the same period, I had my longest clean period (55 days). Stopped meditating and relapsed within a week or so (after some stressful periods - which meditation had formerly helped me deal with). Started meditating again and was clean for 10 days or so, stopped and relapsed after 3 days.

I think the longer you meditate though, and make the learnings permanent, you would not go back to base level as quickly as I did in the above situations one you stop meditating (why would you though).

I know that it is not all causation, but a large part of it I believe is. It really does help you relate to the urges in a completely different way. Just to use an analogy, if before meditating I felt like I was in a river being carried away by the urges (sometimes I didn't even realise I was in the river). After meditating, I felt like I was standing on the bank watching the river go by.