Quitting, for real this time

[RobP413]

Day 19 was hard. Almost convinced myself to relapse this morning, just to relieve the tension and my bad mood....but I made it!!! I took action against my addiction and faced the storm....Im proud and feel fantastic tonight!

Great Job, Andy! It can be tough to weather the storm. But it is ALWAYS the right thing to do, and you ALWAYS feel great when you succeed!

And each day, we all get farther from the person we were, and closer to the person we strive to be. Here's to another day!

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Day 19 was hard. Almost convinced myself to relapse this morning, just to relieve the tension and my bad mood....but I made it!!! I took action against my addiction and faced the storm....Im proud and feel fantastic tonight!

I am glad that you didn't give in to it. and you should feel proud and fantastic about it. it is a wonderful feeling, when we are having strong urges to act out, and we beat them. You feel good about still being clean, but just think how you would be feeling if you gave into the temptation.

Keep up the good work, you are doing just fine in your recovery

[RichBlack]

Hey Andy. Just saw your thread. You are doing great. I will try to follow your example. Scrap that: I will follow your example. There that is better. :D One question and corresponding bit of advice. You said that you are 30, so I will go ahead and assume that your girlfriend is in that age range. Are you two thinking about getting engaged? I ask because that will put on the pressure even more. You mentioned that she hates porn. I know that it is probably the last thing you want to do, but have you considered telling her about your problem, and of course, your currently successful sobriety and recovery? I would recommend this, because in a serious relationship, you don't want any secrets or omissions. Go ahead and check the partners side of this forum and read a little. Many Significant Others (SOs) say that they would of much preferred being told instead of finding out on their own. This is my advice: take some time to outline what you are going to say. Put it in order. Don't leave anything important out. And then say it to her. Other than that, keep going strong!!!

Rich

[Andy Detgy]

Hey guys!
Its been som days since i last posted. I have had a hard time coming back and admitting that I relapsed. Around day 22-23 I started edging with fantasies, day 24 I read an erotic story, day 25 I went online to just "have a look at whats new on a torrent site", edging for two days and then binged for one day. The road back to recovery was harder than ever before, I was shocked. Had never experienced such a hard setback and low motivation to get back on the wagon.

So where to go from here? Im back, more determined than ever (we have heard that on a couple of times, havent we?). Im five days totally clean again. I have blocked all acess to P on my router and in my browsers. I purposely streamed regular music videos for two hours on my Iphone so that I reached my monthly limit of surf. Now I wont be able to go online on my phone until the end of june. Right now I dont feel any urge for P, but Im well prepared when the urges DO set in. I know they will. I dont wanna feel this bad ever again, this was the worst relapse Ive ever had. Couldnt do anything, couldnt write, read or play music. The fantasies were always there. I thought I really was on the brink of insanity. A part of me wanted to go all Charlie Sheen and just sink to the bottom of the lake with drugs and sex, sex, sex. I wanted to blend all my fetishes in a big bowl and just indulge. This addiction is leading us to emotional and mental sickness, no doubt. Yesterday I was able to pick up my guitar again, and this morning I wrote two new songs that Im going to record tomorrow. I also plan on telling my best friend about my addiction.

Thank you for all your kind words and support! It means everything. We can beat this. Together.

[burnedout]

Hi Andy
I've had a hard time admitting my relapses, too, lately, but it feels better to just get it out, to me anyway. No staggering philosophical insights, here. Just keep trying. Keep writing. Keep playing your guitar. I used to spend as much time playing guitar or riding my bike as I did looking at P. I want to get back to those days again. So hang in there, guy.

[helpmeplz]

Andy, I wanna thank you for your useful journal, i pretty much had the same ups and downs, and your words made it clear for me, where I've been and where I'm at, it seems it's not so different after all , keep fighting man, you'll get over it :)