Revelation

[neil]

Hi, I'm new. I've been in the grip of what I never even realized as an addiction to online P. It started during my first marriage, when we had serious sexual issues and instead of searching outside of the relationship for sex, I turned to online P. It did the job, I remained faithful, but for various reasons, one of which was the P, the marriage didn't work out.

That was about 3 years ago. Now, I'm in a wonderful relationship with the girl of my dreams, my new fiancee, and we have an incredible, rich and full sex life. But, since the divorce I've still been looking at P on the net. It's been eating and eating at me, because I don't even need to do it anymore but I feel the pull constantly.

My fiancee knew from the beginning that I enjoyed P, and she also enjoys it. But it's become a problem with me emotionally, and she read some of my journal entries trying to find out what was inhibiting me from developing the relationship intimately, and read things that were not meant for her.

Now, the whole cat is out of the bag and she is threatening to leave because she feels like I have cheated on her. To her there is no difference. It has been a very, very bad few weeks.

I'm almost glad that it's happening this way, because I really just don't want to do it anymore. Emotionally it is destructive to me and the relationship. Practically, I could accomplish so much more with the time (my passions: painting, recording music).

I guess this is just a sort of public admittance of what I have done and what I am going through. If this relationship is destroyed because of this, I don't know what I will do with myself (no threats, I'll just want to curl up in a ball and never come out!). To think that P has had an effect on not one but two serious relationships is just unbelievable.

Where do I go now? The feelings are so hard to deal with. I deleted ALL of my files today and told my SO about it. I deleted all the files once before, during the first marriage, but that never did the trick. I feel like I understand it's effects more since I really, really don't want this current relationship to end. To feel like I have cheated on her, and to know how incredibly emotionally devastated she is over this, and to know she is thinking of leaving it just killing me. It's more real this time. I am ready to let it go.

Thanks to anyone reading this. Some supporting words would be wonderful, and maybe some advice on how to move forward.

[sheena]

This is a difficult situation you are in. This is complexity has arisen because your preferences have changed and you still want to be with the girl who got along with the person you were.

I would suggest you have a word with her as this would lead you nowhere either you have to curb your feeling about disliking porn and become and addict again or you would need to help your woman get over this. The latter is a tougher choice because you don't even know whether she would agree to this but you could give it a shot.


try it if things work out well then it would be great for the both of you. And remember that you are doing extremely good just by trying this.


Sheena

[neil]

Thanks sheena that was really nice of you. but, i have tried what you have suggested and I know that it would be an ideal scenario if she does listen to me but sadly her views are different and she wants to stick by it. i am in a dilemma as its has been sometime since she hasn't spoken to me properly and I am scared I might lose her pretty soon if things keep going on the way they are.

Yeah but like you said I would be trying to convince her as long as I can and hopefully she is gonna realize it.