Starting.

[ReadytoQuit]

Been on a series of ups and downs these last couple of months and trying to decide if I really want to quit or not, and what I want out of life. Right now, being only 20 years old, I see my future in danger. I see this holding me back from everything that I want to be, and being young, I have an oppurtunity to become what I want to be, but I need to work for it and not let P get in the way. I cannot let meaningless hours pass me by, now is the time to work towards what I want. Today is the first day without P and MB, and I spent the majority of the day through excercising and trying to keep myself busy, and trying to let things sink in that this is my life. Trying not to escape from it, into a fantasy, but make the best out of reality. I live a pretty lonely life, so I've realized that I've used P as a subsitute. It's hard to face reality, and not this fantasy. I've been really intrigued by the idea of choice. Everyone has a choice, urges may nag you to do something, but you have a choice. Still, thinking about this problem too much won't do anything, one has to act. Excuse my rant, I just feel a need to get things out. I haven't done a week in a long time and I'm hoping to try once again this week. Will keep everyone updated.

[ReadytoQuit]

I just want to make a week. That's my goal for right now. If I can make that, then I'll know that I can beat this. Today, was a relatively fulfilling day as I hung out with friends and went and saw a movie. Tonight though, it's torture. I feel bored out of my mind. I realize how mundane my life is, this is my life. I know that it's up to me to make things happen though, to make this life better. On to day 3.

[iwilldothis]

I hope that you are not saying that it is enough to just make it a week. Making it a week doesn't mean that this is not a problem for you. The challenges are different at each stage of recovery. I also hope that you are not saying that if you don't make it a week, you will conclude that you will never make it. Recovery is going to take a lot of effort (something that P trains us not to exert).

Your mini-story is really interesting to me, because it feels like I am listening to myself in some parallel universe where I got the necessary insight to see the problem at a much earlier age than I did.

You are so lucky to have discovered this at an early age. Facing life and making real changes, going out there and doing things and facing fears is really hard. We just tend to avoid it if we can. P really kills ones strength and desire to face the difficult things in life. It creates a bad pattern where we feel like anything difficult is not worth doing (subconsciously anyway). Again, P be a symptom of the real problem, but it is the kind of symptom which prevents one addressing the real issues.

Anyway, I hope you do well and keep us informed as to how you do. And let us know if you need any tips or suggestions.

[ReadytoQuit]

To make things clear, no I am not saying that a week is simply enough, and having relapsed last night, I am disappointed, but I intend to just get up as fast as I can and keep going forward.This has been a problem that has been with for years of my life and I acknowledge that it's going to take so much to fight it, and it won't just go away in simply one try. To me a week marks a real accomplishment, I haven't been able to do one week in a year, maybe even two. It's that point that I can't seem to get across from, I've gotten to six and I honestly get scared, scared of the unknown. I'm just trying to take baby steps right now. Also, thanks for your response, I really appreciate your reply.

Last night did not end like I wished it would. I literally laid in bed for 2 hours attempting to fall asleep but it just did not happen. I felt tired, but I had so much going through my mind. My heart was racing the whole time, and thoughts kept surging in my mind. I tried to read and it felt like my mind could not focus on anything. I'm curious as to how others deal with urges like this, what do you do to distract yourself from them? Today is another day, I acknowledge that the only way to beat this is to keep on trying, and I also feel that I need to be accountable for what happened last night, I had a choice and I made the wrong one. I had a choice. One of the things that scares me most is that my life is so mundane and that all that there is here and now, but today, it struck me that there is not only here and now, I have been completely ignoring the future. There is also the future, and yes, this sounds incredibly simple, but it's easy how such a simple idea can be overlooked. Day 1. Will keep everyone updated.

[samski]

Start believing that you are valuable and are worth more than what P and MB make you feel.

I know this sounds like an ephemeral sort of concept, but you and I were made for more than pornography and masturbation.

Ask God to reveal to you what P really is.