Sorry about that....

[Stanley]

Hi guys. Sorry about the sudden absence - I've been having problems with my internet link. The bad news was I couldn't get online for a while to post on here; the good news was I couldn't get online to go on porn sites. I was away over Easter, too, and only got the link fully sorted this week.

I'd like to say I was still clean, but I'm not sure I've been doing much more than abstaining the last fortnight - it's been a real struggle, which I suspect has a lot to do with my not getting in touch with you guys. maybe I should invest in a laptop I can take and use anywhere....

I still haven't gone back to XXX sites, although I've been close a couple of times since my connection's been up. Which is why I've finally taken steps to get back on here and check in. I seriously don't want to get back into that mindset. My wife's away visiting her family, too, which hasn't helped. I've masturbated a couple of times in the shower, which suggests that the problem isn't so much with the material as with the way I've moulded my mind.

I've got in touch with a counselling service, and I'm waiting to hear from them. I also want to get my weight down and get fit, so I'm working on that too. I have a very poor image of myself - there are times I seriously dislike me, and the porn/masturbation problem in my case seems to be very similar to a problem of self-hurting. It's as if I actually WANT to make myself feel bad about myself, so that I'll have an excuse to continue in the behavious pattern.

KISS - Keep It Simple, Stanley. ;)

[PaGuy724]

Hi, I have self esteem issues as well . I know what you are going through . If you ever need too talk, I am here . I am on day two of freedom from porn and masternation. thats not too say that images and thoughts do not come into my mind everyday . It's a constant struggle too block all of those thoughts and try too think about other things and it's hard !
So many times I feel bad about myself, my appearance and the way people treat me because I have learning disabilities etc . So, self esteem for me is a big isssue....

[dave42]

Hey, Stanley! Hang in there! It sounds like you are doing a pretty good job. I could stand to lose some weight and get in better shape, too! You know what I found useful about your post? It's the fact that you are trying to figure out what is going on: "It's as if I actually WANT to make myself feel bad about myself, so that I'll have an excuse to continue in the behavious pattern." I think that that kind of analysis that you are doing is excellent! And you want to get counseling, too! These are things to celebrate! Finally, your classic KISS: It's true for all of us -- we need to keep things simple. Good luck, Stanley! All the best, Dave

[davids]

Self esteem seems to be a common thread in pa, I know that I have had low self esteem for years, and hardly a day goes by without me being unhappy with the way I am, and find me comparing myself with others.

I think that by viewing p and mb, it put me in a fantasy world where others could not judge me for who I am, and I was in control of the situation.

That these people in the images really liked me and what I was doing, I had a new set of friends that were there for me anytime I logged on.

I'm glad your back here stanley, it's great to hear that you are having positive results with your pa, there are times I would really like to vie p and mb, but so far I have managed to resist. The battle is constantly in my mind, as I'm sure it is in yours, but the fact youv'e resisted in an empty house speaks volumes to your determination. Keep fighting man!

Pa guy, Keep up the good work, you are loved and needed here, your posts are valuable. I know what you mean when you say it is a constant struggle to block those images from your mind, it is for me too.