Anyone ever felt this way?

[Yechezkel]

Like you want to give up...like you are ready to give up on yourself,

I feel so bad, all the support you guys have given me and I still messed up again after 7 days.

I feel like I am not worth your time and effort, but at the same time I want to reach out for someones hand.

Do you think that there are people who simply cant recover?

:(

[mell]

Y,

Recovery is hard - we all know this. Seems like you are consistently struggling around the one week mark.

What have you done differently? Bottom line, something has to change. Are you involved with any support groups? Is there anyone you can call when you struggle?

You can do this. The first few weeks are the hardest - getting through the withdrawal period. Keep working it, try new things and reach out for support.

I don't believe there is anyone who 'can't' recover. It's all about making enough changes in your life to recover.

[Phil413]

Anyone ever felt this way? Like you want to give up...like you are ready to give up on yourself,

Only about a thousand times.

I feel so bad, all the support you guys have given me and I still messed up again after 7 days.

Don't worry, our support's not conditional on your success. If you could succeed every time you wouldn't need our support. Seven days seems to be your cycle. Mine was roughly the same. Breaking out of that cycle is very hard. Once you've done it a time or two, though, it does get easier.

I feel like I am not worth your time and effort, but at the same time I want to reach out for someones hand.

Of course you're worth our time and effort, and our hands are always here for you. Don't give up. This isn't easy. Sometimes you have to fall flat on your face a hundred times before you have any success. What if you gave up after the 99th time? Maybe yesterday was the 99th time.

Do you think that there are people who simply cant recover?

No, I don't, because we have G-d on our side, and if G-d is for us, who can be against us? His power is always there, we just have to learn how to use it.

The important thing to do when you slip is to get back up. You've only really failed if you don't do that. In these early days I think it's less important to worry about why the slip happened, and more important to look at how it was able to happen. With a filter in place you shouldn't have been able to slip. It should have protected you from yourself when you were weak and needed it most.

So, what happened? How were you able to access P? Where's the hole we need to plug?

Phil

[IN NEED OF HELP]

Yechezkel
I dont know if I can add anything else. Mell & Phil just about summed it up.
Listen to what they said. The only thing is my friend, Is that you NEVER give up on this. This is what this monster wants, we wants us to feel low about ourselves, and he wants us to to just give up on this recovery. The thing is my friend, you have come way to far in this battle to just sit back, and tell this monster, OK, I am yours again, take full control over me as you always have.

Think about just how good you have felt every time you went that 7 days of no acting out. I would bet all I have, that you felt BETTER, than you have in years. The thing that you need to do, is to take a REAL good look in your HEART. make sure the you have ALL of your weapons in place, to fight this monster, and fight him to the death. I know that if you keep this fight up, and you battle with him just a little harder, you will be the one at the end, running around holding the victory flag

Please dont give up.
We are here for you.
We dont care how many times you slip.
We dont feel that you are a loser.
We dont feel that you are a waste of our time.
We dont want you to stop reaching out to us for help.
We dont never what to see you stop coming here for help.

What We do want to see, is Yechezkel, fighting his ass off to beat this thing
We want to see Yechezkel, happy, feeling good about himself.
We want to see Yechezkel, doing a victorybnana_dance after he hits even 10 day mark
The thing is, we love you and respect you. Please dont give up.
Yechezkel. I mean this from my heart. You do not know just how Encouraging you are to me. no matter how many times, that you failed, you always got back up and started fighting again. So do it again
Have you thought about going to a SAA Group? they are wonderful

[Yechezkel]

Yechezkel
I dont know if I can add anything else. Mell & Phil just about summed it up.
Listen to what they said. The only thing is my friend, Is that you NEVER give up on this. This is what this monster wants, we wants us to feel low about ourselves, and he wants us to to just give up on this recovery. The thing is my friend, you have come way to far in this battle to just sit back, and tell this monster, OK, I am yours again, take full control over me as you always have.

Think about just how good you have felt every time you went that 7 days of no acting out. I would bet all I have, that you felt BETTER, than you have in years. The thing that you need to do, is to take a REAL good look in your HEART. make sure the you have ALL of your weapons in place, to fight this monster, and fight him to the death. I know that if you keep this fight up, and you battle with him just a little harder, you will be the one at the end, running around holding the victory flag

Please dont give up.
We are here for you.
We dont care how many times you slip.
We dont feel that you are a loser.
We dont feel that you are a waste of our time.
We dont want you to stop reaching out to us for help.
We dont never what to see you stop coming here for help.

What We do want to see, is Yechezkel, fighting his ass off to beat this thing
We want to see Yechezkel, happy, feeling good about himself.
We want to see Yechezkel, doing a victorybnana_dance after he hits even 10 day mark
The thing is, we love you and respect you. Please dont give up.
Yechezkel. I mean this from my heart. You do not know just how Encouraging you are to me. no matter how many times, that you failed, you always got back up and started fighting again. So do it again
Have you thought about going to a SAA Group? they are wonderful

I have no words to express how much this means to me, thank you INOH.

[Yechezkel]

Thank you Phil, Mell, and INOH for the support you have given me, thank you for being there for me, I will do better.

this is hard to say....

after I installed K-9 I began to get all kinds of spam messages through yahoo messenger, at least 1 new person per day would try to send me an instant message, I kept blocking them and blocking them, I have never in over 5 years of using the program ever had 1 single spam message until now.

So, I got pissed off and uninstalled K-9, and since then I have had ZERO spam messages and friend requests sent to me!


I will look for a better program, if I have to pay for it, I will, but I do not like intrusion in my life, and turning on my computer to find all these spam friend requests and messages really ticked me off, every single morning.


I slipped while K-9 was gone,


Thats the truth, take it or leave it. I got spammed and while everyone says they are happy with K-9, I would have to say, It was a bad idea, a total of 15 spam friend requests in the short time that I have had K-9 installed. it's just not worth it to me, I'm sorry. I will either do it without a filter or I will buy a filter. No more free software, I dont need to crash my computer.

sorry guys,

a very upset and lost Yechezkel.

:((

[rouby]

Y,

I know very much how you feel and why you feel it.
I am far from a poster child, but if you go visit my journal and look for an entry 23 days ago, you will see basically the same thing that you are writing about.

The difference for me is that I have been where you are at for over 13 years! Phil and INOH came along side of me, much the way they are doing for you right now.

I am at 22 days right now when my cycles were at 5 days. Phil said it right, it is not so important why you slip, but how you are able to.

Right now, it is all about protecting yourself against yourself. You must figure out what the holes are and plug them up.

INOH asked me not long ago, "what do I want my recovery to look like" Well, I would ask you the same thing. Step outside of yourself and take stock...What I did was to make a list how I was able to access P. I found out that many times I remained in my 5 days cycles because it simply entered my mind and since I had easy access to P, I acted out.

I will be checking up on you in your journal. You can do this and you must truly, really believe it to make it happen.

[Phil413]

after I installed K-9 I began to get all kinds of spam messages through yahoo messenger, at least 1 new person per day would try to send me an instant message, I kept blocking them and blocking them, I have never in over 5 years of using the program ever had 1 single spam message until now.

So, I got pissed off and uninstalled K-9, and since then I have had ZERO spam messages and friend requests sent to me!

That's really weird. I've never experienced anything like that. I've had K9 installed for quite awhile now, and I've never received any SPAM of any kind. How strange.

Oh, well, there are other filters out there (Net Nanny, for example). You can also get a wireless router that has parental control options. That's especially useful for devices like the iPod Touch which can only access the Internet through WiFi.

Anyway, the important thing, as you just discovered, is to get one and get it installed pronto. Let us know how it goes. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Phil

[Yechezkel]

2 things have happened before the spam started.

1. I added someone from here to my messenger list.

2. I installed K-9.


so?

[rouby]

2 things have happened before the spam started.

1. I added someone from here to my messenger list.

2. I installed K-9.


so?

I would really doubt that K9 has anything to do with that spam. Yahoo messenger can be a vehicle for spam and that is where I would look.

Regardless, put some kind of filter on your computer.