I understand your thoughts of ending it all - of course it passes through your mind - have thought it myself. For me it was even worse when a year ago I went through 3 EAP counsellors through my wife's work plan and they couldn't understand. I asked my family Doctor for a referral, he never got back to me - I mean it's like no one understands and everyone thinks it's not a problem - well it is a fucking problem! So, as much as I continued down the path, almost got caught at work (my own damn business) - but continued. I'm working today on a holiday on my own and last week woudl have been MB to P but am on here instead - thank God! Finally I spoke to a good friend about it (someone I could trust) - of course without going into detail - turns out he's been seeing a shrink for years - referred me to her and it's helped - but this site has been the biggest "turnaround" for me ever. It's like I can't let you guys (and gals) down. I only now see the value of AA for Alcoholics. SA is worse though - you can't exactly stand up in a room of peopel in a small city that woudl know you and say "Hey, I'm a sex addict, nice to meet you!" So, as much as we can laugh about it - the reality is for me - start using the internet for good - like this site - help others and you will be helped! For any Canadians out there, you don't need a referral to a Phychiratrist (so my spelling sucks!) - Your provincial plan covers it and your Dr. doesn't have to know (and let's face it - the amoutn of $$ some of us spent on cam sites, whatever far exceeds the cost of therapy and lack of personal and professional productivity even if we did have to pay for it)- call one now, ask about their experience around addictions and when you decide to talk to one or two start asking about their experience about sexual addictions. There's more problems to deal with that just Porn or SA - we all have a deeper child that needs to figure this all out. My Father was an alcoholic and what I believe to be a SA. Am I blaming him - no, but reality is you don't normally fall far from the tree right - so I hve to do something about it. I'm 40 - the addiction has peaked over the last 6 years - thanks WWW! But I have to put a stop to it for Me first - then I can be the Father, Husband, Lover, Friend and Man I want to be.
You guys are great - finally a site that makes me excited to get on the net for the right reasons!
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to want2change For This Useful Post:
There's nothing impossible in this world. Just get rid of what you used to do and have faith in yourself. Believe that you can get away from it. Divert your thoughts to some other useful things or better yet go to a treatment center. They have resources there that could for sure help you recover.
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pearl Drug Rehab Center
ATLF, you write very vividly about what you are feeling. You have already accomplished the most important step - you have shifted your intention and you are absolutely clear in your mind that you want to stop. You know exactly why you want to stop. From now on it's a case of finding psychological strategies to hold you away from porn until the behavioural habits start to weaken. There's loads of support here for that. The more you think about how to overcome the addiction, the more you are focussing your mind on the positive outcome.
I also found it helpful to read feminist anti-porn literature like Andrea Dworkin. That gave me an extra reason to stay clean, because of the porn industry's effects on others, as well as the disastrous effects it has on me. I realised it was making me into a sexist.
The posters who said not to feel guilty about your thoughts and dreams are totally right. Especially dreams. In my experience, when dreaming one is not identified with oneself so whatever happens in dreams does not weaken the will power. And don't feel guilty about feeling guilty either!
I wish you luck. I am 32, was addicted for more than half my life, and I have been clean since the first time I looked at this site. You may be counting days now but I promise if you stay alert and determined and use some good strategies you will soon be counting weeks and months.
03-21-2008, 07:59 AM
I'm really happy to see that change in your paradigm .. wish you all the best through this man 
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