Lately.

[ReadytoQuit]

Lately I have realized that I'm at the point where I almost get little to no relief from looking at P or MB. It worries me, because I feel so stressed all the time and I don't know what to do. I would always be weary of letting go of P because of the relief it gave me, but lately it feels like I'm just participating in MB out of pure routine, which scares me. What scares me a lot too is that it's getting harder for me to get an erection from material, and might even be suffering from erictile dysfunction. The thought scares me because I am still relatively young. I've told myself I would quit a million times, but actually taking the neccessary action in order to do that has not been easy. I think what is most vital for me is to find a way to release all this stress, because I can actually feel the anxiety in my chest pumping my heart incredibly hard.

[rosie]

I find that the following works for me...

Taking time to just sit, without thought. (meditation).

Exercise

Connecting with nature

Cooking, gardening

Anything "Buzzy" like tvs, computers, etc that allow you to AVOID what you are feeling and thinking are bad stress relievers. Nature and lack of thought are the best for me.

Like any addiction...when you are still indulging, your stress levels will actually RISE. So, sorry but I think you might be making excuses (on some level) about your fear of quitting. It is very valid to feel stressed about having no coping tools, but p and MB actually make your stress worse - its a false illusion that they take it away, because although it feels like it momentarily, the guilt/shame and then the cravings for it just ramp it up.

Good luck.

Edit: Oops just realised this is the recovery forum. Not sure if I am allowed to post in here? If so sorry, feel free to delete mods. :)

[hellron]

What scares me a lot too is that it's getting harder for me to get an erection from material, and might even be suffering from erictile dysfunction.

A quick heads-up - that feeling you're having, where 'the material' is no longer 'exciting the parts it used to' is a big, big flashing red light. (alrm)(alrm)(alrm)(alrm)

I was at that same point many years ago, and it's the point where I went from 'normal' P (if there ever is such a thing) to 'abnormal' P.

When it happened again a few years later, I went from 'abnormal' P, to 'downright sick' P.

Let this be the early warning alarm from someone who's been there and ignored the same alarm many times - get out now. Quit P. End it. Stop now, before you lose your soul.

I know I'm sounding dramatic and very 'your doom is nigh'... but quite frankly, it is.

There's many resources on this forum, and all over the web, on how you can get yourself back to a state of health from here, and the earlier you do it, the better.

I'm not judging you, I'm just fearful for you. I've been there. I know where it leads.

It's time. You can do it.

-- HR

[hellron]

Just realised I missed half of your question.

The stress management side of things is probably the hardest part of 'getting your act together'. Like Rosie said, meditation, mindfulness, physical activity etc are all great for that

If in doubt, just breathe. Simply focussing on your breathing can do amazing things.

-- HR

[gnein]

Lately I have realized that I'm at the point where I almost get little to no relief from looking at P or MB. It worries me, because I feel so stressed all the time and I don't know what to do. I would always be weary of letting go of P because of the relief it gave me, but lately it feels like I'm just participating in MB out of pure routine, which scares me. What scares me a lot too is that it's getting harder for me to get an erection from material, and might even be suffering from erictile dysfunction. The thought scares me because I am still relatively young. I've told myself I would quit a million times, but actually taking the neccessary action in order to do that has not been easy. I think what is most vital for me is to find a way to release all this stress, because I can actually feel the anxiety in my chest pumping my heart incredibly hard.

I know exactly what you're going through because I've been there, relatively recently in fact. Let me tell you from experience that P and MB will NOT reduce your stress levels. Sure, they might give you a bit of relief tonight, but by tomorrow your stress will be back with reinforcements. The post Rosie made above has many great suggestions. Personally, I find exercise to be my number 1 weapon against stress, but there are plenty of other options. It might be worth starting an exercise routine after work each day that involves spending an hour or so outdoors. You'll find your stress levels gradually dropping off, and you'll sleep better.

I'm also of the opinion that if you're looking for more and more extreme P, you're heading down a dangerous road. A road that could lead to illegal material and some potential trouble with the law. I'm not joking, it seems every week there is a story in the local newspaper in this city about someone being caught with material on their computer they should not have. You need to take some time away from P now.

[gnein]

I find that the following works for me...

Taking time to just sit, without thought. (meditation).

Exercise

Connecting with nature

Cooking, gardening

Anything "Buzzy" like tvs, computers, etc that allow you to AVOID what you are feeling and thinking are bad stress relievers. Nature and lack of thought are the best for me.

Like any addiction...when you are still indulging, your stress levels will actually RISE. So, sorry but I think you might be making excuses (on some level) about your fear of quitting. It is very valid to feel stressed about having no coping tools, but p and MB actually make your stress worse - its a false illusion that they take it away, because although it feels like it momentarily, the guilt/shame and then the cravings for it just ramp it up.

Good luck.

Edit: Oops just realised this is the recovery forum. Not sure if I am allowed to post in here? If so sorry, feel free to delete mods. :)

If all of your advice is this good, you can post here as often as you like. :)

[ReadytoQuit]

"I'm not judging you, I'm just fearful for you. I've been there. I know where it leads.

It's time. You can do it."


Those last lines, as simple as they may be. Almost brought tears to my eyes. You are right. It is time.

[hellron]

Ready2Quit,

In case you need further motivation:

I am where you'll be if you don't get this sorted NOW.

Where is that? Well, my wife has just given me ten days in which to find somewhere else to live.

P has officially cost me my marriage and my relationship with my kids.

Don't let this be you, R2Q.

-- HR

[Daniel]

ReadytoQuit,

Hellron's point is a good one, and this aspect of using is known as "escalation".

You are 'escalating' or may be desiring to escalate your P use because the law of diminishing returns is working hard against your ability to get a fix.

There is a physio-chemical aspect to this "less-of-a-high" that I can go into later...

We can all remember the days when we first saw a certain image, now by most standards a very innocuous image, but we received a thrill when we saw it.

As B.B. King sang, "The Thrill is Gone" and it's been gone for many years perhaps. But we continue to try to push a rock up a hill with a stick by going for more or different or Really Different and straying into illegal or hyper-immoral P.

The analogy holds true for many if not most addictions: someone addicted to stealing starts off with gum and candy bars, then clothes, maybe bicycles, then maybe cars, home robberies, then pretty soon they're planning on knocking over a bank, etc., etc.

Call "Contentment" one of the Final Frontiers, right next to "Balance."

Not everyone goes down the escalation path and you don't have to either.

Stop Now. Like Hellron suggested. That's your best bet.

Daniel

[2frustrated]

For your anxiety, you may need to see a therapist. I've read quite a few books about anxiety, and the best I've seen are those by Claire Weekes. They're old, but good.

In the meantime . . .
You need to think about what the stressors are in your life and reduce them. When you feel anxious, find a way to accept it (easier said than done).